Viper Pilot_ A Memoi..

I nodded, now an expert on all Spanish snack food, and replied with total
confidence, “Good. How ’bout another”
More chortling.
Just then I felt something wedged between my teeth and stopped chewing long
enough to pull it out. I burped again and then made the mistake of holding it up
against the faint light.
For a long, nasty moment I stared at the thing as my Tinto-soaked brain
processed.
“Whatchagot” someone asked innocently.
It was a foot.
Actually, it was a curved bird’s claw, complete with little talons. So the alley
spun and the stars blurred. I felt the awful burning rush of all that Tinto, and the
candied hummingbird I’d just eaten, come shooting up through my nose, mouth,
and out of my ears. I joined the other lieutenants on the ground and everyone
roared with satisfaction.
No one beats the Tubes.
Now, this particular ritual ends in a ceremony simply known as the “Naming.”
This is where fighter pilots get awarded those cool-sounding nicknames, or call
signs, you hear about in the movies. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be “Maverick”
or “Iceman” or “Thor.” Right
Right.
The reality is a bit different. There are some manly, warlike call signs, of course.
I’ve known Slash, Magic, Crusher, Bruiser, and Storm’n. Even Ghost, Spook, and
Zing aren’t too bad. Usually call signs are given for something noteworthy, and not
necessarily good, that a pilot has done. Or maybe the guy is just an asshole
—“JRay,” “Barney,” and “Moses” are prime examples of that.
“Slider” is usually given for landing gear-up; “Scratch,” you guessed it, for
scratching the belly of the aircraft on a low level or dinging the speed brakes on the
runway; “Boomer” for inadvertently breaking the sound barrier and every window
within a five-mile radius. The possibilities are endless.
“Toto”—for accidentally shutting the engine down (throttle on, throttle off—get
it). I even knew a “Bubbles,” who’d ejected over the Atlantic Ocean. Anything,
including personal traits or physical appearance, is fair game. So we have “Opies”
and “Wookies” and even a “DDong” (short for “Donkey Dong”). I’m sure his
mother would be proud.
There are a few rules with this. First, and most important, if you’ve carried a
call sign into combat, then you can never be renamed—it’s yours for life. Second,