April 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
April 2015 digital edition of Uncle Andy's Digest.
April 2015 digital edition of Uncle Andy's Digest.
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<strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong><br />
The Most Unusual Digest in America<br />
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Missing<br />
The Boat<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
On the subway, untangling earbuds is the new knitting. The woman across from me<br />
could have finished a scarf by now.<br />
A good ol' Alabama<br />
boy won a bass boat in<br />
a raffle drawing.<br />
He brought it home<br />
and his wife looks at<br />
him and says...<br />
"What you gonna do<br />
with that? There ain't<br />
no water deep enough<br />
to float a boat within<br />
100 miles of here."<br />
He says, "I won it and<br />
I'm gonna keep it."<br />
His brother came over<br />
to visit several days<br />
later. He sees his sister-in-law<br />
and asks<br />
where his brother is.<br />
She says, "He's out<br />
there in his bass boat,"<br />
pointing to the field behind<br />
the house.<br />
The brother heads out<br />
behind the house and<br />
sees his brother in the<br />
middle of a big field sitting<br />
in a bass boat with<br />
a fishing rod in his<br />
hand. He yells out to<br />
him, "What are you<br />
doin'?"<br />
His brother replies, "I'm<br />
fishin.' What does it<br />
look like I'm doin'?"<br />
His brother yells, "It's<br />
people like you that<br />
give people from Alabama<br />
a bad name. If I<br />
could swim, I'd come<br />
out there and whip<br />
you!"<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
2<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
I don’t brag about my finances, but my credit card company calls me every day<br />
to tell me my balance is outstanding.
I’m going to retire and live off my life savings. What I’ll do the second week,<br />
I have no idea.<br />
MODERN WOODMEN<br />
OF AMERICA<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
Friday, <strong>April</strong> 3rd<br />
The Green Ladle<br />
11am Lunch<br />
(Chapter 14346)<br />
56 East Ave, Lewiston H.S.<br />
$8 Member; $9 Guest<br />
Tickets Limited<br />
Tuesday, <strong>April</strong> 7th<br />
Sam’s Noon – 7pm<br />
(Chapter 12749)<br />
Market Place Mall, Lewiston<br />
$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest<br />
Sunday, <strong>April</strong> 12th<br />
KC Breakfast 8am – 10am<br />
(Chapter 7938)<br />
Columbus Drive, Brunswick<br />
$5 Member; $6 Guest;<br />
Child / 10 free<br />
Saturday, <strong>April</strong> 18th<br />
KC Sacred Heart Bean<br />
Supper 4:30 – 5:30pm<br />
(Chapter 14437) 8 Sacred<br />
Heart Place, Auburn<br />
$5 Member; $6 Guest<br />
Saturday, <strong>April</strong> 18th<br />
Kora Shrine Circus<br />
Androscoggin Colisee,<br />
Birch St, Lewiston<br />
$8 Adults; $2.50 Child/12<br />
Tuesday, <strong>April</strong> 21st<br />
Roy’s Breakfast 7am - 10am<br />
(Chapter 8609)<br />
Washington St, Auburn<br />
$2 Member; $3 Guest<br />
Tuesday, <strong>April</strong> 28th<br />
Pizza Hut 11:30am - 1pm<br />
(Chapter 10929)<br />
Rt. 26, Oxford<br />
$5 Member; $5.50 Guest<br />
TICKETS ARE LIMITED –<br />
NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS<br />
ALLOWED<br />
Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to<br />
change. If additional info is needed,<br />
please call our office, please do not call<br />
restaurants. All activities can only be<br />
attended at the times listed.<br />
*************************<br />
Tickets need to be purchased at the<br />
Modern Woodmen District Office,<br />
184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all<br />
activities and can only be picked up the<br />
week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs<br />
9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon<br />
(excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.<br />
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 3
<strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong><br />
is published by the first<br />
Friday of every month by Maine<br />
Mountain Ocean Group, Inc.<br />
with offices at 9 Grove Street,<br />
Auburn, Maine, USA.<br />
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World. Subscriptions are<br />
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Office: 207-783-7039<br />
Fax: 207-777-3898<br />
I'm not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.<br />
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While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to<br />
ensure the accuracy of the information in our<br />
client’s advertisements and our publication in<br />
general, we are not responsible for vendor<br />
availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies,<br />
product pricing errors, or omissions.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
4<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed... I won’t rest until I find it.
Heaven Bound<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?<br />
The Sunday School<br />
lesson for the first<br />
graders was on the<br />
plan of salvation. The<br />
teacher asked, "If I<br />
sold my house and my<br />
car, had a big garage<br />
sale, and gave all my<br />
money to the church,<br />
would I get into<br />
heaven?"<br />
"No!" all the children<br />
answered.<br />
"If I cleaned the church<br />
every day, mowed the<br />
yard, and kept everything<br />
neat and tidy,<br />
would I get into<br />
heaven?"<br />
Again, the answer was,<br />
"No!"<br />
"Well," she continued,<br />
"then how can I get to<br />
heaven?"<br />
One boy confidently<br />
answered, "You've<br />
gotta be dead!"<br />
Out ’n About<br />
in Mexico<br />
Willow Run Dental<br />
1 Willow Run, Unit B, Auburn • 783-0261<br />
Patient Appreciation Week<br />
May 11th - 15th<br />
Stop By & Let Us Celebrate YOU!<br />
Accepting New Patients<br />
Come join the Willow Run Family!<br />
willowrundental.net<br />
Cheers to our<br />
Maine friends and<br />
family. May you be unthawed<br />
soon!<br />
Dave Webber<br />
& June Cyr<br />
of Greene on a Western<br />
Caribbean cruise<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
6<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon... I’ll let you know.
I can almost always tell when a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs.<br />
Audrey Martin<br />
Independent Hair Stylist<br />
240-2591<br />
Schedule your appointment before noon<br />
and receive 15% OFF any service!<br />
746 Main Street, Suite 2, Lewiston • escadahairstudio.com<br />
Out ’n About<br />
in Mexico<br />
Wonder Woman’s bar<br />
stool... buns of steel<br />
We’ll be<br />
scuba diving next...<br />
these flippers seem<br />
a little big!<br />
Out ’n About<br />
in Mexico<br />
with<br />
June<br />
Cyr<br />
& Dave<br />
Webber<br />
His balloon hat<br />
helps him focus on<br />
the things at<br />
hand...<br />
Dave Webber<br />
ENJOY A MEAL WITH US<br />
We think you’ll find it’s Egg-ceptional!<br />
“Home of the<br />
Double Yolker”<br />
Serving breakfast & lunch daily.<br />
Breakfast available all day!<br />
Egg-ceptional Restaurant<br />
5 Pigeon Hill Rd (Rte 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577<br />
Mon - Fri: 7am - 2pm; Sat - Sun: 6am - 2pm<br />
$<br />
1.00<br />
OFF<br />
$<br />
10 or more<br />
one coupon per visit<br />
Not to be combined w/ any<br />
other specials<br />
UAD<br />
✃<br />
Expires 4.30.15<br />
June Cyr<br />
Q: How do you make a<br />
hot dog stand?<br />
A: Steal its chair<br />
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss’ vacation’s more than he does.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 7
Lady<br />
Thoughts<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
I've invented a more efficient whisk... It's causing quite a stir.<br />
A woman is sitting at a<br />
restaurant bar enjoying<br />
a beverage with her<br />
girlfriends when an exceptionally<br />
tall, handsome<br />
man enters.<br />
He is so striking that<br />
the woman can not<br />
take her eyes off him.<br />
The man notices her<br />
overly attentive stares<br />
and walks directly toward<br />
her.<br />
Before she can offer<br />
her apologies for<br />
rudely staring he leans<br />
over and whispers, "I'll<br />
do anything, absolutely<br />
anything that you want<br />
me to do for $20. But<br />
only on one condition."<br />
Flabbergasted, the<br />
woman asks what the<br />
condition is.<br />
"You have to tell me<br />
what you want me to<br />
do in just three words."<br />
The woman considers<br />
his proposition for a<br />
moment and then removes<br />
a $20 bill from<br />
her purse, which she<br />
presses into the man's<br />
hand along with her<br />
address.<br />
She then looks deeply<br />
into his eyes, and<br />
slowly, and meaningfully<br />
says, "Clean my<br />
house."<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
8<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
Laughter is a smile with the volume turned up.<br />
Spring and Summer dates are filling up fast – Book NOW!<br />
Out ’n About at the<br />
YPLAA Wii Bowling<br />
Tourney<br />
Weddings • Summer Events • Reunions<br />
Company Parties<br />
Indoors or Outdoors – We do it all!<br />
HUNGRY?<br />
345-9009<br />
DadsPlace.info<br />
Let Dad do the cookin’!<br />
Over 200 menu<br />
items to choose<br />
from!<br />
Call Diana or Larry for<br />
more info and pricing!<br />
FREE<br />
COFFEE FRIDAY!<br />
Free 20 oz. coffee with purchase<br />
of Breakfast Sandwich<br />
every Friday.<br />
Francis Gagnon<br />
of Photo Finish<br />
has his game face on!<br />
I keep my<br />
personalized<br />
bowling ball on my<br />
shoulder in case the<br />
pins needed a little<br />
encouragement.<br />
School Vacation Week<br />
<strong>April</strong> 18th - <strong>April</strong> 26th<br />
3 Italians<br />
Ham, Salami, Pepperoni or Veggie<br />
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$<br />
12<br />
Check out our Darn Good Deal on page 59!<br />
There’s NO PLACE like...<br />
Dad’s Place<br />
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info<br />
The road to a friends house is never long.<br />
Kevin, Jameson &<br />
Jill Cunningham<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 9
Out ’n About at the<br />
YPLAA Wii Bowling<br />
Tourney<br />
Alex, I'll take 'Things Only I Know' for $200.<br />
I can see<br />
a strike in<br />
mind’s eye...<br />
10% OFF<br />
NEW<br />
CLIENTS<br />
137 East Ave. Lewiston<br />
Matt Shaw<br />
dreaming of a perfect game<br />
Chiara Ferrante<br />
knocks ‘em down<br />
School Vacation<br />
Week (<strong>April</strong> 20-25)<br />
20% OFF<br />
teeth cleanings w/ fluoride<br />
for all children<br />
& teens!<br />
Massage Therapy<br />
Jason<br />
well versed in<br />
multi-tasking<br />
Donna Galipeau<br />
Clinical Certified Master<br />
Aromatherapist<br />
justbreathearomatherapie@live.com<br />
Lisa-Marie Sasseville, IPDH<br />
241-0667<br />
sasseveillehealthysmile.com<br />
lisa-marie@sassevillehealthysmile.com<br />
Therapeutic Bodywork for the<br />
Body, Mind & Spirit<br />
Freedom of Movement Begins with Massage<br />
Christine H. Bosse, LMT, NCTMB<br />
212-2598<br />
cbosse72@yahoo.com<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
10<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
I tend to sleep in the buff. Which isn't a bad thing except for maybe on those long flights.
Because Business Should Lead To Abundance<br />
Own your<br />
own business?<br />
Want to make<br />
it better?<br />
Call us.<br />
NEXTLevelBusinessCoaching.biz<br />
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Because Business Should Lead To Abundance
Economic<br />
Travel<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.<br />
Three Scots and three<br />
Irishmen are traveling<br />
by train to a conference.<br />
At the station,<br />
the three Irishmen<br />
each buy tickets and<br />
watch as the three<br />
Scots buy only a single<br />
ticket.<br />
"How are three people<br />
going to travel on only<br />
one ticket?" asks an<br />
Irishman. "Watch and<br />
you'll see," answers a<br />
Scot.<br />
They all board the<br />
train. The Irishmen<br />
take their respective<br />
seats but all three<br />
Scots cram into a bathroom<br />
and close the<br />
door behind them.<br />
Shortly after the train<br />
has departed, the conductor<br />
comes around<br />
collecting tickets. He<br />
knocks on the bathroom<br />
door and<br />
says,"Ticket, please."<br />
The door opens just a<br />
crack and a single arm<br />
emerges with a ticket<br />
in hand. The conductor<br />
takes it and moves on.<br />
The Irishmen see this<br />
and agree it was quite<br />
a clever idea.<br />
So after the conference,<br />
the Irishmen decide<br />
to copy the Scots<br />
on the return trip and<br />
save some money.<br />
When they get to the<br />
station, they buy a single<br />
ticket for the return<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
12<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
ALL ABOUT<br />
Leah, Linda, Jamie, Dee & Marlo<br />
Whiteboards are remarkable.<br />
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784-5407<br />
AllAboutUsalonla.com<br />
We Specialize in Custom<br />
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Services available both on & off-site.<br />
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(continued from previous page)<br />
trip. To their astonishment,<br />
the Scots don't<br />
buy a ticket at all.<br />
"How are you going to<br />
travel without a ticket?"<br />
says one perplexed<br />
Irishman. Watch and<br />
you'll see," answers a<br />
Scot.<br />
When they board the<br />
train the three Irishmen<br />
cram into a bathroom<br />
and the three Scots<br />
cram into another one<br />
nearby. The train departs.<br />
Shortly afterwards,<br />
one of the<br />
Scots leaves his bathroom<br />
and walks over to<br />
the bathroom where<br />
the Irishmen are hiding.<br />
He knocks on the<br />
door and says, "Ticket,<br />
please."<br />
St. Patrick’s Day<br />
Photo Contest<br />
Entrants<br />
Tim Rucker<br />
Marketing Consultant<br />
@ Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
Bring Your Tax Return<br />
& Select the Vehicle of Your Choice!<br />
733 Sabattus St. Lewiston<br />
777-7200 • 866-264-7685 • ThriftyCarMart.com<br />
We Finance!<br />
Tax Time<br />
Savings!<br />
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.<br />
Baby’s first<br />
St. Patty’s Day<br />
Submitted by<br />
Heidi Wieland (10 votes)<br />
“I got my hair<br />
highlighted because I<br />
thought some strands<br />
were more important<br />
than others.”<br />
– Mitch Hedberg<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 13
Out ’n About<br />
at Mixers<br />
With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.<br />
Amy & Don<br />
Therrien<br />
I was getting<br />
my picture taken...<br />
and that’s how it<br />
started!<br />
375-4188<br />
Friday Nights Live Music<br />
<strong>April</strong> 3rd - Bad Penny<br />
<strong>April</strong> 10th - Blue Steel<br />
<strong>April</strong> 17th - Northern Groove<br />
<strong>April</strong> 24th - The Inflatables<br />
Audrey Martin<br />
Sunday Nights<br />
Cathy Farr &<br />
Marie Beaucage<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
14<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
All Your Favorites Songs from the 60’s, 70’s & 80’s<br />
For Sale: Wedding dress, size 12, worn once by mistake.
I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.<br />
L<br />
K<br />
Don’t spend $18 + at the<br />
beauty salon, get your...<br />
Mens & Boys CUTS for<br />
All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.<br />
Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts<br />
Marcel’s<br />
Barber Shop<br />
54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444<br />
OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm<br />
$<br />
12<br />
Out ’n About<br />
at Mixers<br />
Veggies are<br />
an important part of<br />
our diet. Burning calories<br />
while dancing at Mixers...<br />
even better!<br />
Danielle, Katie<br />
& Kayla<br />
Join us and enjoy 25% OFF Your season’s worth of pool chemicals! MAY 2nd ONLY.<br />
2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com<br />
Rollodrome<br />
Since 1954<br />
Dave Perlman<br />
Bass for the Veggies<br />
SPRING SCHEDULE<br />
Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm<br />
Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00<br />
Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm<br />
Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm<br />
Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm<br />
Available for private parties<br />
Sunday <strong>April</strong> 19 th<br />
80’s Night 7 :30 -10pm<br />
School Vacation<br />
Wed. <strong>April</strong> 22 nd<br />
1 :30 -4pm<br />
12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940<br />
www.rollodrome.com<br />
Don Hebert<br />
Lead singer of the Veggies<br />
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 15
St. Patrick’s Day<br />
Photo Contest<br />
Entrants<br />
Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.<br />
The grass looks<br />
greener over there<br />
Happy St<br />
Patrick's Day!!<br />
Submitted by<br />
Danielle Moreau (5 votes)<br />
Happy St. Patty’s Day<br />
from the Girls at For<br />
The Love of Hair<br />
Submitted by<br />
Nicole Morris<br />
You’re sending me<br />
something via fax?<br />
What is it, an important<br />
document from 1993?<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
16<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
It is okay to visit your past just don't bring any luggage with you.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.<br />
Restaurant • Miniature Golf • Driving Range • Ice Cream Stand<br />
Celebrating Years<br />
Out ’n About<br />
at Mixers<br />
Lori, stick out<br />
your tongue if you<br />
love Mixers!<br />
Opening for the season <strong>April</strong> 16th!<br />
*Driving Range & Miniature Golf weather permitting<br />
470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn<br />
www.tabersgolf.com<br />
Welcoming our friend called<br />
Lori Turcotte<br />
& friend<br />
Sage Advice<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A tourist stopped a<br />
local in a village he<br />
was visiting and asked;<br />
“What is the quickest<br />
way to the lake?<br />
Lori Turcotte<br />
& Ray Tardiff<br />
Damn,<br />
I’m good lookin’!<br />
The local thought for<br />
awhile. “Are you walking<br />
or driving?” he<br />
asked the tourist.<br />
“I’m driving.”<br />
“That is the quickest<br />
way!” the local said.<br />
Paul Leclair<br />
Don't make me use UPPERCASE.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 17
Out ’n About<br />
at Mixers<br />
Just<br />
gettin’ me<br />
Irish on!<br />
Call me Lucky<br />
Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one.<br />
Hidden Word Brain Teaser<br />
Don’t bury your head in the sand, try this tricky word brain<br />
teaser! Spell a hidden word by choosing the right letter for<br />
each clue. The hidden word is related to one of the clues.<br />
1. The first letter is in ECHO but not NOISE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .____<br />
2. The second letter is in ACTOR but not SCRIPT . . . . . . . . . .____<br />
3. The third letter is in BIRD and in BRAIN . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .____<br />
4. The fourth letter is in CORN but not COB . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .____<br />
5. The fifth letter is in NICE and in KIND . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .____<br />
6. The sixth letter is in EVENING but not MORNING . . . . . . . .____<br />
7. The seventh letter is in TRAPEZE but not TIGHTROPE . . . .____<br />
8. The eighth letter is in LAKE but not STREAM . . . . . . . . . . . .____<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
18<br />
You want a<br />
ride in my<br />
Limo?<br />
Keith Tilton<br />
Laurie Turcotte &<br />
Colleen Landry<br />
flexing some muscle<br />
Q: What do you get<br />
when you cross a<br />
stream and a brook?<br />
A: Wet feet<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Answer is on page 46. But at least give it a shot first!<br />
Used by permission www.spelling-words-well.com<br />
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a life time.<br />
PROTECTING<br />
What You Love.<br />
What You Do.<br />
What You Cherish..<br />
232 Center St., Auburn<br />
786-0417<br />
VarneyAgency.com<br />
Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm<br />
commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health<br />
My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts.
I found a can of meat in the back of the cabinet, and as soon as I opened it, 20 more cans appeared.<br />
I think it was spam.<br />
Mon.<br />
6am-noon<br />
Tues-Fri<br />
6am-3pm<br />
Donut Special Every Friday<br />
Buy 1 dozen donuts at regular price ( $ 7.50)<br />
and get the 2nd dozen at half price!<br />
$<br />
11.25 for both<br />
Easter Special<br />
Mini Easter Pastry<br />
Platters<br />
$<br />
39 .99<br />
All Month!<br />
Friday’s Pastry<br />
Special<br />
All Pastries 99¢<br />
784-7042<br />
161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston www.labadiesbakery.com<br />
Man can not live by bread alone... He must have peanut butter.<br />
GRAND CHAMPIONS!<br />
The Lewiston Middle School Cheering team went undefeated this year, they were the 1st Place champs and Grand Champs!<br />
Members of the team, Front row (l to r): Marissa L, Sydney H, Madajha W, Megan G, Bryanna B, Maddie M, Shelby R,<br />
Julie G & Sabrina L. Back row: Grace P, Brianna M, Katelyn I, Logan M, Nick R, Abigail L, Lindsey R, Kyra P, Jillian P,<br />
Haileigh F, Grace P, Kaylyn R & Kali M.<br />
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ pǝsn ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ןʇsɐ ǝɥʇ s,ʇɐɥʇ ǝʍןן<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 19
Mend-A-Body<br />
Captains log, Star-date 3.14159265359. I seem to have a strange urge for Pie today...<br />
Call NOW for Reservations<br />
Mother’s Day Sunday, May 10th<br />
Join us for great<br />
food at reasonable<br />
prices, all the time!<br />
Debra Ann<br />
Sellinger<br />
Mend-A-Body Solutions<br />
is celebrating the<br />
grand opening of their<br />
new Wellness Center, located<br />
at 1166 Lisbon<br />
Street in Lewiston.<br />
Local owner, Debra<br />
Ann St Hilaire Sellinger<br />
launched some new features<br />
in this "first of a<br />
kind" for Mend-A-Body.<br />
Moving from their past<br />
of nationally branded internet<br />
based weight loss<br />
and health products and<br />
services, their new facility<br />
features a full scale<br />
health food store, fitness<br />
solutions and diagnostic<br />
testing that allows participants<br />
to target best<br />
weight loss and fitness<br />
results.<br />
Mend-A-Body was<br />
founded and developed<br />
over six yrs ago by Debra<br />
Ann who is from Lewiston.<br />
Over 5,000 individuals<br />
have partaken in their<br />
unique and effective approach<br />
to health and<br />
weight loss lifestyle education<br />
and conversion.<br />
You can reach Mend-<br />
A-Body at 207-777-3223<br />
or visit their website<br />
mendabody.net. See their<br />
ad on page 23.<br />
Village Inn, 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796<br />
Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com<br />
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my Word.<br />
June, do you<br />
get the feeling we’re<br />
about to get squashed<br />
like a bug?<br />
Dave Webber & June Cyr of Greene<br />
at Senior Frog in Mexico<br />
Dave,<br />
I can’t be bothered<br />
right now...<br />
I’m reading!<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
20<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
Had a good workout at the gym today. 50 reps on the bench press.<br />
I’m working my way up to putting weights on the bar.<br />
Out ’n About<br />
at Mixers<br />
Stylist<br />
Wanted<br />
Booth Rentals<br />
How Old You Are is Your Business...<br />
How Y oung You Look<br />
is Our Business!<br />
Tues – Thurs 9am - 7pm; Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm<br />
232 Center St, Auburn (next to Play It Again Sports)<br />
753-9368<br />
Michelle Higgins, Lynn Norris & Peg Montoya<br />
Owner/Stylist Stylist<br />
Stylist<br />
Out ’n About at Mixers<br />
Tommy Maynard<br />
Anita Maurice, Marlene Whitten, Lorraine Tremblay, Jeanne Ski,<br />
Joe Ski, Robert Tremblay, Brain Whitten & Raymond Maurice<br />
I’ve got so much<br />
rhythm I’m giving<br />
it away!<br />
Let US LIGHT UP YOUR WORLD<br />
Now Offering<br />
LED Headlights<br />
& Light Bars!<br />
777-3339<br />
216 Center Street, Auburn • soundeffectsmaine.com<br />
I bought a suit made from a cactus, I looked pretty sharp in it, too.<br />
Anna Marinelli<br />
Hunnewell<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 21
Workaholic<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Nine Signs You Need<br />
a Really Long<br />
Vacation<br />
• You lecture the neighborhood<br />
kids selling<br />
lemonade on ways to<br />
improve their<br />
process.<br />
• You get all excited<br />
when it's Saturday so<br />
you can wear sweats<br />
to work.<br />
• You refer to the<br />
tomatoes grown in<br />
your garden as<br />
deliverables.<br />
It's, "Jamaican hairstyle day", at work tomorrow... I'm dreading it.<br />
Spring<br />
Special<br />
$<br />
1,000 .00 OFF<br />
All Inground or Above Ground Pools &<br />
20% OFF All Pool Chemicals!!<br />
• You find you really<br />
need PowerPoint to<br />
explain what you do<br />
for a living.<br />
• You normally eat out<br />
of vending machines<br />
and at the most expensive<br />
restaurant in<br />
town within the same<br />
week.<br />
NOBODY<br />
BEATS<br />
OUR<br />
PRICES!<br />
• You know the people<br />
at the airport hotels<br />
better than your next<br />
door neighbors.<br />
• You ask your friends<br />
to "think out of the<br />
box" when making<br />
Friday night plans.<br />
• You think Einstein<br />
would have been<br />
more effective had he<br />
put his ideas into a<br />
matrix.<br />
• You think a "half-day"<br />
means leaving at<br />
5 o'clock.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
22<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Schedule Your Pool Opening with<br />
Us Now & $ave 25% on<br />
All Seasonal Supply Chemicals<br />
POOL BUILDERS OF MAINE<br />
Quality Workmanship, Outstanding Service<br />
1525 Minot Ave, Auburn • 795-7222 • poolbuildersofmaine.com<br />
You only have one childhood, it may as well last your entire life.<br />
27 Years<br />
Experience
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list… I got the bucket.<br />
St. Patrick’s Day<br />
Photo Contest<br />
Entrants<br />
www.mendabody.net<br />
Jim aka "Lucky the Leprechaun"<br />
displays some of<br />
the auction items from The<br />
Dream Team's St. Patrick's<br />
Day Dance, which raised<br />
money for the Hospice<br />
House 5K & Remembrance<br />
Walk - a benefit to help subsidize<br />
patient care & family<br />
support services for those in<br />
need at Androscoggin Home<br />
Care & Hospice's Hospice<br />
House. Submitted by<br />
Danielle Eaton (4 votes)<br />
Mommy’s little<br />
lucky charm!<br />
Submitted by<br />
Jocelyn French (4 votes)<br />
Average Loss Month One = 17.5lbs<br />
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it’s the duct tape<br />
of food.<br />
Laughter:<br />
An Antioxidant for the<br />
Mind, Vitamin for the<br />
Soul, Mineral for the<br />
Body and collectively it<br />
gives Vitality to Mind,<br />
Body and Soul! Keeps<br />
you young, healthy,<br />
positive and HAPPY!<br />
(You’re welcome! – Editor @<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest)<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 23
Out ’n About at the<br />
YPLAA Wii Bowling<br />
Tourney<br />
My talking dog gave me a stick the other day and told me he found it 600 miles away.<br />
That seemed a bit far-fetched.<br />
Prom Season Headquarters<br />
You<br />
Pick<br />
Him...<br />
We’ll<br />
Dress<br />
Him!<br />
Kendra Wheeler<br />
perfect Wii form<br />
The Best Tuxedo Rental Shop in L/A!<br />
Book<br />
your updo &<br />
get a 60 minute<br />
Tanning<br />
Package!<br />
S&J Tuxedo<br />
located INSIDE Sarah Jeanne’s<br />
at 77 Sabattus Street in Lewiston.<br />
A must for Proms & Weddings!<br />
It’s all<br />
in the wrist.<br />
• Updos<br />
• Hair Services<br />
• Hair Extensions<br />
• Manicures<br />
• Shellac Polish<br />
• Pedicures<br />
• Massage<br />
• Tanning<br />
• Tuxedos<br />
• And More!<br />
Sarah Jeanne’s<br />
Family Hair Care, Day Spa & Tanning<br />
Suit & Tuxedo Sales & Rental<br />
77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • SarahJeannes.com<br />
795-6778<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
24<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
“He, who doesn't hope to win has already lost.” – Simon Bolivar
Almost lost two teeth at dinner tonight... I made a Lego lamb.<br />
Out ’n About at the<br />
YPLAA Wii Bowling<br />
Tourney<br />
Just call me<br />
Lefty Kingpin.<br />
www.srcu4u.com<br />
Don't ever slam a door. You may want to go back.<br />
Try us once, you’ll be a regular!<br />
Daily Specials:<br />
Monday: Ham Italian ...................sm. $1.59 lg. $2.59<br />
Tuesday: 10” 1-topping Pizza ............................$3.99<br />
Wednesday: Chicken Salad ..........................sm. $1.99<br />
........................................................................lg. $3.49<br />
Thursday: Bowl of Chili......................................$3.99<br />
BLT .............................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49<br />
Friday: Tuna Italian ......................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49<br />
Saturday: Baked Beans ................qt. $3.59 pt. $2.59<br />
Sunday: .................................$2.00 off any large pizza<br />
SABATTUS<br />
MAIN STREET MARKET<br />
2 Main Street, Sabattus<br />
375-8502<br />
Looking<br />
for a turkey?*<br />
Fans stock up here!<br />
2 LARGE<br />
1-TOPPING PIZZAS<br />
ONLY $<br />
15.99<br />
Expires 4.30.15<br />
OPEN 7 Days<br />
6am - 8pm<br />
Tim Rucker<br />
of Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
*Tim thought Jimbo was calling<br />
him a turkey. After Jimbo explained<br />
what a “turkey” was in<br />
bowling Tim forgot all about<br />
beating Jimbo up.<br />
“When the well's dry, we know the worth of water.” – Ben Franklin<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 25
Dummy<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
The first restaurant on the moon didn't do very well. It had great food but no atmosphere!<br />
A young boy enters a<br />
barber shop and the<br />
barber whispers to his<br />
customer, "This is the<br />
dumbest kid in the<br />
world. Watch while I<br />
prove it to you."<br />
The barber puts a dollar<br />
bill in one hand and<br />
two quarters in the<br />
other, then calls the<br />
boy over and asks,<br />
"Which do you want,<br />
son?" The boy takes<br />
the quarters and<br />
leaves.<br />
"What did I tell you?"<br />
said the barber. "That<br />
kid never learns!"<br />
Later, when the customer<br />
leaves, he sees<br />
the same young boy<br />
coming out of the ice<br />
cream store.<br />
"Hey, son! May I ask<br />
you a question? Why<br />
did you take the quarters<br />
instead of the dollar<br />
bill?"<br />
The boy licked his<br />
cone and replied,<br />
"Because the day I<br />
take the dollar, the<br />
game is over!"<br />
Q: With pointed fangs<br />
I sit and wait; with<br />
piercing force I crunch<br />
out fate; grabbing<br />
victims, proclaiming<br />
might; physically joining<br />
with a single bite.<br />
What am I?<br />
For the first time, Lewiston-<br />
Auburn has its own FM radio<br />
station. There is local news,<br />
weather and sports, plus<br />
promoting of community<br />
events. The FCC says radio<br />
stations should serve “the<br />
public interest, convenience<br />
and necessity.” That’s what<br />
we’re doing.<br />
Each weekday morning, we<br />
have guests in between 7<br />
and 9 am to talk about community<br />
issues, business activities<br />
and events.<br />
It is then archived online and<br />
becomes a tool for promoting<br />
by linking from your website.<br />
In addition, we showcase<br />
local singing artists on the<br />
Breakfast Club in a segment<br />
called “L/A’s Got Talent.”<br />
• Each weekday, we email<br />
the local news to over<br />
10,000 subscribers.<br />
• Messages direct people to<br />
links for businesses, organizations<br />
and events.<br />
Local Personalities<br />
• The Hits of Today<br />
Taylor Swift, Sam Smith, Nico & Vinz,<br />
Maroon 5, Magic, Colbie Caillat,<br />
Megan Trainor and much more.<br />
• And Classic Hits<br />
Songs from the 80’s thru Today!<br />
• Great Music All Day<br />
10am - 2pm: “Rush Hours”<br />
with Jeremy Rush<br />
12-1pm: “Retro Lunch”<br />
2-6pm: “The Dean” of Radio,<br />
Dave Dean LIVE weekdays.<br />
Fridays 4-5pm: “Friday Free For All”<br />
featuring local artists.<br />
6pm - 12am: The “Night Shift” with<br />
L/A’s own Gene Cassidy.<br />
Saturdays 8-11am: Z105.5<br />
Top 30 Countdown<br />
4 WAYS TO LISTEN:<br />
Around L/A at 105.5-FM & 1240-AM,<br />
Online at www.z1055.com<br />
& Tune-In App.<br />
A: A Stapler<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
26<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Blessed is the man who can laugh at himself, for he will never cease to be amused!
Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life!<br />
Out ’n About at the<br />
YPLAA Wii Bowling<br />
Tourney<br />
Rolly’s Diner<br />
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />
Breakfast & Lunch<br />
Specials Daily<br />
Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!<br />
I love their<br />
Rueben<br />
Omelet!<br />
Chris & Heather Cyr<br />
• Unusual Omelettes<br />
• Crepes<br />
• Breakfast All Day<br />
• Extensive Menu<br />
87 Mill St.<br />
New Auburn<br />
753-0171<br />
(for take-out)<br />
Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm<br />
Sunday 7 am – noon<br />
Tracy Draper<br />
& Jimbo<br />
UAD<br />
You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.<br />
At least they<br />
could drill some<br />
finger holes in this<br />
controller!<br />
I’m putting my<br />
weight loss into perspective,<br />
I’m holding 75lbs...<br />
Talk about heavy!!<br />
With BJ Grondin’s help I’m down 102lbs!<br />
If you’re sick and tired of<br />
being sick and tired I suggest<br />
you call BJ today!<br />
Kelsey Franklin<br />
Group Classes<br />
One-on-One Training<br />
Nutrition Services<br />
Team Training<br />
272 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls • 577-5979 • Prime360Training.com<br />
“Don't count the days, make the days count.” – Mohammed Ali<br />
BJ Grondin, CSCS<br />
Thomas Hill<br />
UAD<br />
Q: What can you hold<br />
without ever touching<br />
it?<br />
A: A conversation.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 27
Jackpot<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
While working for<br />
Meals-on-Wheels, an<br />
organization that delivers<br />
lunches to the elderly,<br />
Paul used to take<br />
his 4-year-old daughter,<br />
Lois, with him on<br />
his afternoon rounds.<br />
Lois was unfailingly intrigued<br />
by the various<br />
appliances of old age,<br />
particularly the walking<br />
sticks, triangular walkers<br />
and the wheelchairs.<br />
One day Paul found<br />
Lois staring at a pair of<br />
false teeth soaking in a<br />
glass. As he prepared<br />
himself for the inevitable<br />
barrage of<br />
questions, Lois merely<br />
turned and whispered,<br />
“The tooth fairy is<br />
never going to believe<br />
this.”<br />
Fire!<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
In a panic old Clyde<br />
calls the fire department.<br />
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.<br />
Assisted Home Care II<br />
“Our Family<br />
Assisting Your Family”<br />
Assisting Families since 1997.<br />
• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency<br />
• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief<br />
• 24 hour Personal Care and Response<br />
• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers<br />
• Assist with Independent Living at Home<br />
Now expanding<br />
our services to the<br />
Midcoast Region!<br />
11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org<br />
Considering a NEW Used Vehicle?<br />
Shop around, then go see the guys at Cyr’s. Keeping your current<br />
vehicle in tip top shape might make more financial sense.<br />
Complete mechanical repair and body work done on premise!<br />
Call for a FREE Quote!<br />
Make Your<br />
old car look &<br />
run like<br />
NEW!<br />
845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn • 782-5500<br />
“Hello, this is the fire<br />
department” says the<br />
voice on the other end.<br />
“This is Clyde my<br />
barn's on fire you better<br />
git up here quick.”<br />
The voice says, “Okay,<br />
we can help, how do<br />
we get there?”<br />
Clyde says, “Ain't you<br />
still got them big red<br />
trucks?!”<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
28<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
The larger the lake of knowledge the longer the shore of wonder.
“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will know peace.”<br />
– Jimi Hendrix<br />
Senior Citizens<br />
10 %<br />
OFF<br />
with this ad<br />
Expires 4.30.15 UAD<br />
Upscale Comfort Food &<br />
Home Style Hospitality in a<br />
Historically Distinct Setting.<br />
Featuring a<br />
New Spring Menu!<br />
JOIN US<br />
Foodie Tuesdays - Specials<br />
Wed. Hump Day - Happy Hour 4-7pm<br />
$<br />
2 Domestic Beers • $ 4 Well Drinks<br />
Thirsty Thursday - Ladies Night • 1/2 priced drinks<br />
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 333-3070 • RailsMaine.com<br />
Tuesday - Thursday 11am - 8pm; Friday & Saturday 11am - 10pm<br />
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.<br />
The Winning Wii Bowling Team<br />
Wake Up Call<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
One night at an economy<br />
motel, I ordered a<br />
6:00 a.m. wake-up call.<br />
The next morning, I<br />
awoke before 6:00, but<br />
the phone did not ring<br />
until 6:30.<br />
"Good morning," a<br />
young man said sheepishly.<br />
"This is your<br />
wake-up call."<br />
Annoyed, I let the<br />
motel worker have it.<br />
"You were supposed to<br />
call me at 6:00 AM!" I<br />
complained. "What if I<br />
had a million-dollar<br />
deal to close this morning,<br />
and your oversight<br />
made me miss out on<br />
it?"<br />
"Well, sir," the desk<br />
clerk quickly replied, "if<br />
you had a million-dollar<br />
deal to close, you probably<br />
wouldn't be staying<br />
in this motel!"<br />
First Kiss<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
It’s true,<br />
I had to carry our<br />
team all night!<br />
Team Photo Finish<br />
Francis, Ellie and Cole Gagnon & Dr. Ryan Metivier<br />
I can't remember the last time I forgot something.<br />
An honest seven-yearold<br />
admitted calmly to<br />
her parents that Billy<br />
Brown had kissed her<br />
after class.<br />
“How did that happen?”<br />
gasped her mother.<br />
“It wasn't easy,”<br />
admitted the young<br />
lady, “but three girls<br />
helped me catch him.”<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 29
CALL THE PROS<br />
New Advertisers get 10% OFF<br />
Call Tim TODAY!<br />
FREE TIRE ROTATION WITH<br />
OIL CHANGE SPECIAL<br />
$<br />
5 .00 OFF Reg. Oil Change<br />
$<br />
10 .00 OFFSynthetic Oil Change<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. (UAD)<br />
✃<br />
Tim Rucker 576-8049<br />
Complete Auto Care<br />
147 East Ave, Lewiston<br />
782-1125<br />
BerubesAutoCare.com<br />
Join us for some Affordable FUN!<br />
$<br />
10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $ 50 - $ 100<br />
Sunday at 6:00PM<br />
Wed., Thurs, & Friday<br />
at 6:30PM<br />
Pleasant Street Bingo Hall<br />
475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394<br />
No Separating<br />
Required!<br />
Now serving<br />
Lewiston & Auburn!<br />
Call us for a FREE quote.<br />
Serving: Norway • West Paris<br />
Minot • Mechanic Falls • Oxford<br />
& NOW Lewiston/Auburn!<br />
743-3891<br />
70 Main Street, South Paris • harrisbrosrubbishremoval.com<br />
THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS<br />
1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, Auburn<br />
784-8587 or (888) 895-6801<br />
AndroscogginOrtho.com<br />
FITNESS<br />
181 Sabattus Road, Sabattus<br />
375-6000 • SPRQStudio.com<br />
<strong>April</strong> 17 th • 7-9pm<br />
SPRQ is hosting a GLOW<br />
event<br />
at CFC, Bowdoin Center for Relay for Life!<br />
$<br />
5 .00 entry fee • BYOGlow or available for<br />
retail for additional fundraising efforts<br />
Our team<br />
of mechanics<br />
will take great<br />
care of you!<br />
Chance<br />
Apprentice Mechanic<br />
A-PLUS<br />
AUTO REPAIR<br />
747 Minot Ave, Auburn<br />
<strong>April</strong> Special<br />
FREE<br />
State Inspection<br />
with coupon<br />
(Behind Fastenal Services)<br />
AUTO REPAIR<br />
786-0522<br />
Expires 4.30.15<br />
UAD<br />
A-PLUS<br />
The more you say, the less people remember.
CALL THE PROS<br />
Gamache<br />
& Lessard<br />
Custom Decorators<br />
FREE<br />
Cordless Upgrades on<br />
Cellular Shades<br />
Thru 3.31.15<br />
e-mail: info@GamacheLessard.com<br />
www.windowdecorators.com 995 Center St. Auburn • 782-0052<br />
• Driveways<br />
• Patios<br />
• Walkways<br />
• Porches<br />
• Steps<br />
• Poolscapes<br />
Diane & Friends<br />
Full Service Salon w/ 35yrs exp.<br />
Specializing in Perms<br />
from short & tight to Spiral<br />
Starting at $50 - includes cut & style<br />
Weekly Shampoo/ Set Appts. Welcomed<br />
75 Crest Ave. Auburn 376-4246<br />
Your Best Choice For A New<br />
Boiler, Furnace or Oil Tank!<br />
Turn off your boiler this summer and save your<br />
oil for winter. Heat your hot water with a<br />
GEOSPRING for less than $20 per month!<br />
CALL TODAY!<br />
Ray Hurilla Plumbing & Heating Co.<br />
207-485-7357<br />
RayHurillaPlumbingandHeating.com<br />
34 Center St. Auburn<br />
333-3069<br />
yourbestskinofmaine.com<br />
FREE<br />
Consultation<br />
• Botox & Fillers<br />
• Spider Vein Removal<br />
• Rosacea Treatment<br />
• Spot Fat Reduction<br />
• Tattoo Removal<br />
• Reduce Wrinkles,<br />
Spots & Scars<br />
• Acne Treatment<br />
• Laser & Hydra Facial<br />
MD Treatments<br />
The GIVAUDAN GROUP is<br />
NOW HIRING CUSTOMER SERVICE<br />
REPRESENTATIVES!<br />
Are you looking for a rewarding career<br />
and enjoy talking to customers via phone?<br />
Send your resume and cover letter to:<br />
johnfagmer@live.com<br />
Spring Pantie Sale<br />
Mix or Match<br />
2 for $ 20 All Styles<br />
Lotions, Lingerie & Bedroom Accessories<br />
675 Main St, Lewiston • 804-615-7451<br />
The fridge light DOES go out. Now let me out of here!
Out ’n About at the<br />
6th Annual<br />
New Auburn Chili &<br />
Chowder Challenge<br />
I plead contemporary insanity.<br />
HUGE DISCOUNTS<br />
on Kitchen Cabinets & Flooring<br />
Alfreda Fournier<br />
Androscoggin County<br />
Commissioner Ward 5 &<br />
Senator Eric Brakey<br />
^<br />
and Quality<br />
Our Gift Cards make<br />
perfect Gifts!<br />
Andie Hannan<br />
Boys & Girls Club<br />
Somerset Homestyle<br />
Red Oak 3 1/4”<br />
$<br />
3.99sf*<br />
(reg. $ 5.99)<br />
BSL Rustic<br />
Red Oak or<br />
Birch 3 1/4”<br />
$<br />
2.99sf*<br />
Ark<br />
Brazilian<br />
Teak 5 ”<br />
$<br />
5.99sf*<br />
Largest Selection of In-Stock Hardwood in L/A<br />
An up<br />
and coming<br />
actor right<br />
here!<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
32<br />
Bev Walker &<br />
Maxwell Draper<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
675 Main Street, Lewiston<br />
Mon – Fri 8am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 4pm<br />
ShermArnoldsOutlet.com<br />
*while supplies last<br />
782-0831<br />
How do I set a laser printer to stun?<br />
Sale Ends 4/30/15
They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They're not laughing now.<br />
Tracy Draper<br />
The future is purchased by the present.<br />
JT Reid’s Gun Show<br />
& Auction<br />
Saturday <strong>April</strong> 11th 9am - 4pm<br />
Sunday <strong>April</strong> 12th 9am - 2pm<br />
Elks Lodge, 108 Odlion Road in Bangor<br />
Gun Show - $5/per person<br />
(Under 16 & Active Military FREE)<br />
Concealed Firearms Prohibited<br />
even with permit<br />
Auction - Sat. at 6pm<br />
Maine Law Enforcement<br />
Confiscated Firearms and<br />
Estate Firearms*<br />
*Now Accepting Personal & Estate Firearms for Auction.<br />
Call JT Reids Gun Shop 777-3579 • 86 Court St. Auburn • jtreidsgunshop.com<br />
“Daylight savings time. Why are they saving it and where do they keep it?”<br />
– George Carlin<br />
Uncle Andy's Digest is<br />
pleased to announce that<br />
Tracy Draper has returned<br />
to the Digest<br />
Team!<br />
After an eight year<br />
hiatus from Advertising<br />
Sales, Tracy rejoins the<br />
staff to offer her administrative<br />
expertise as the<br />
new Office Manager as<br />
well as returning to her<br />
passion of helping advertisers<br />
find their full potential<br />
in print media. Tracy<br />
brings many years experience<br />
and will be combining<br />
her talents to offer<br />
assistance to the UAD<br />
staff, while servicing<br />
clients with all their advertising<br />
needs.<br />
Jimbo Marston, Owner<br />
of Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
states, “Tracy is a<br />
needed addition to the<br />
team where she can do<br />
multiple jobs and help<br />
move us forward. We’re<br />
glad to have her back!”<br />
Tracy Lives in Auburn<br />
with her son, Maxwell.<br />
When not tending to her<br />
teenager’s hectic schedule,<br />
she enjoys spending<br />
time with family and<br />
friends while enjoying all<br />
the activities the L/A area<br />
has to offer! Be sure to<br />
keep your eye out for<br />
Tracy ‘Out ’n About’!<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 33
Out ’n About at the<br />
6th Annual<br />
New Auburn Chili &<br />
Chowder Challenge<br />
I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.<br />
I can hardly contain myself.<br />
Christine<br />
Morrison<br />
Rolly’s Diner<br />
Just like old<br />
times!<br />
Bev Walker<br />
Jordan Blais<br />
Rolly’s Diner<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
34<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Stop in<br />
today to<br />
register to<br />
win Red Sox<br />
tickets!<br />
RETAIL • WHOLESALE • REDEMPTION • LIQUOR STORE<br />
5 Locations for Your Convenience<br />
ROOPERS<br />
LISBON ST.<br />
Now Selling<br />
Liquor!<br />
ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks!<br />
Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn<br />
New Walk-in<br />
Soda Cooler!<br />
Minot Ave, Auburn<br />
WHAT’S BREWING<br />
AND ALWAYS NEW<br />
YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS<br />
Since 1992<br />
Main Street, Lewiston<br />
Beer Specials<br />
Bud/Bud Light 15pk 16oz. . . . . . . . . . .$11.99<br />
Mixxtail 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99<br />
Shipyard 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99<br />
Sam Adams 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99<br />
Angry Orchard 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99<br />
Baxter Summer 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . .$14.99<br />
Founders All Day IPA 15pk . . . . . . . . .$17.99<br />
Wine Specials<br />
Kendall Jackson Chardonnay 750ml .$10.99<br />
Barefoot 1.5L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99<br />
Smoking Loon 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7.99<br />
Soda<br />
Coke 12oz. 6pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2/$3.00<br />
Powerade 32oz. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2 for $2.50<br />
Admiral Nelson<br />
1.75L<br />
$14.99 Save $5<br />
Crown Royal 1.75ml<br />
$45.99 Save $4<br />
Woodford Reserve<br />
750ml<br />
$29.99<br />
Save $5<br />
Glenfiddich<br />
12yr 750ml<br />
$41.99 Save $5<br />
Gold Crown Coffee Brandy<br />
1.75L $16.99<br />
Save $3<br />
Pinnacle All Flavors<br />
1.75L $19.99<br />
Save $3<br />
Herradura Blanco<br />
$37.99<br />
Save $2<br />
694 Main St.<br />
Lewiston • 782-1482<br />
794 Sabattus St.<br />
Lewiston • 783-6353<br />
1420 Lisbon St.<br />
Lewiston • 333-3095<br />
545 Minot Ave.<br />
Auburn • 783-2047<br />
303-311 Main St.<br />
Auburn • 783-9098
Out ’n About at the<br />
YPLAA Wii Bowling<br />
Tourney<br />
The family that sticks together should bathe more often.<br />
CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE<br />
I’m not sure<br />
I like sharing the<br />
lime light...<br />
FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983<br />
$10 OFF<br />
ANY Service<br />
with Coupon!<br />
OUR TIRES<br />
Muriel LeClerc<br />
Good form and total focus<br />
Rod & Scooter<br />
We can do it:<br />
• Wheel alignment<br />
& balancing<br />
• Complete brake<br />
work<br />
• Engine tune-up<br />
• Lube-oil-filter<br />
• State Inspections<br />
60 Minot Ave., Auburn • 782-6666 or 783-2026<br />
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.<br />
A little body english<br />
always helps<br />
Fan Spirit Award<br />
Tara Aube<br />
The Lewiston Middle School Cheering Fans like to get LOUD!<br />
Front row (l to r): Jessica G, Sarah L, Tina I, Walter R, Becky G & Karen P.<br />
Back row: Tony G, Tim P, Vickie R, Kyla H, Bobbi H, Katrina D, Joao M & Hailee I.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
36<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects!
EVERY MONDAY!<br />
20% off Burgers &<br />
30% Off<br />
ALL drafts<br />
Come Watch<br />
Your Favorite<br />
Baseball Team<br />
We have 11 T.V.’s in our 1,300 sq. ft bar area!<br />
Not a bad seat in the house!<br />
Let Mac’s Cater Your Next Event!<br />
Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays, Corporate Parties, and more!<br />
No event too BIG or SMALL... We cater it ALL!<br />
Go Red Sox!<br />
Mac’s Grill<br />
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn<br />
783-6885 macsgrill.com
The Geiger Elementary<br />
School Parent Teacher Organization<br />
announces the<br />
<strong>2015</strong> Tough Gator Challenge,<br />
an obstacle course<br />
and mud run for Lewistonarea<br />
elementary school children.<br />
This rain-or-shine<br />
event is scheduled for Saturday,<br />
May 30, <strong>2015</strong> from 9:00<br />
a.m. to 2:00 p.m. at Geiger<br />
Elementary School on College<br />
Street in Lewiston. Participants<br />
will start in waves<br />
every 15 minutes throughout<br />
the day.<br />
Nearly 500 participants<br />
completed the muddy run in<br />
the 2014 inaugural event, a<br />
brainchild of Geiger parents<br />
Mike Courtemanche and<br />
Chip Groover who have experienced<br />
the “Tough Mudder”<br />
events. “This year’s<br />
event will feature a different<br />
course route, more challenging<br />
obstacles and more<br />
MUD!!” says Groover. The<br />
Tough Gator Challenge is<br />
“not a timed race, but a challenge<br />
that every participant<br />
should be proud of finishing.”<br />
The focus of the event is<br />
on being active, teamwork,<br />
getting muddy and having<br />
fun! While the course will be<br />
designed for elementaryaged<br />
participants, parents<br />
are welcome and encouraged<br />
to register and run<br />
alongside their kids. The first<br />
500 children to finish will receive<br />
a congratulatory t-shirt.<br />
All finishers will receive the<br />
honorary title of “Tough<br />
Gator”.<br />
The cost to register is $8<br />
per person before May 23<br />
and $10 per person on the<br />
day of the event. The day<br />
will include concessions,<br />
face painting, a Kid Zone for<br />
the younger set, and the<br />
ever popular dunk tank. Proceeds<br />
will benefit the nonprofit<br />
Geiger Elementary<br />
School PTO, which supports<br />
enrichment and communitybuilding<br />
opportunities for<br />
Geiger students.<br />
“Make sure you tie your<br />
shoelaces tight, this course<br />
will eat your shoes!” says<br />
Courtemanche.<br />
Details are available at<br />
toughgatorchallenge.com or<br />
by writing to info@toughgatorchallenge.com.<br />
See ad on<br />
this page.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
38<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.<br />
Are You Tough Enough?<br />
2nd Annual Obstacle Course<br />
and MUD Run<br />
May 30th • 9:00am – 2:00pm<br />
at Geiger Elementary School<br />
601 College Street, Lewiston<br />
My Wife Says I Never Listen, Or Something Like That...<br />
Rain or Shine!<br />
COME ONE, COME ALL<br />
$<br />
8pp when you register by May 23rd or $ 10pp the day of the event.<br />
The first 500 children to finish will receive a Tough Gator T-shirt!<br />
Julia Groover demonstrates extreme<br />
muddiness to teacher, Brianna Lunn.<br />
Tough Gators Maisy Bolduc, Cecilia Miller<br />
& Emily Fournier pose after completing<br />
the challenge in 2014.<br />
Photos by Cindy Lemieux<br />
More info at toughgatorchallenge.com
Nicole Morris<br />
Owner/Stylist<br />
I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel, how is it that I'm alive at 150?<br />
Angela Spinney<br />
Owner/Stylist<br />
FOR THE LOVE OF HAIR<br />
Calling All Men!<br />
$<br />
12 Men’s Cuts<br />
Get Your 6th Haircut<br />
HALF OFF!<br />
xxxx x $ 6<br />
50 Mechanic Falls Road, Poland<br />
207-241-2424<br />
Tues - Fri 9am - 6pm; Sat 9am - 2pm<br />
Like us on<br />
Seriously<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
Two cows were standing<br />
next to each other<br />
in a field.<br />
Daisy said to Dolly, “I<br />
was artificially inseminated<br />
this morning.”<br />
“I don’t believe you,”<br />
said Dolly.<br />
“It’s true, straight up,<br />
no bull!”<br />
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?<br />
Out ’n About at Roopers<br />
Main Street to Main Street – we’ve got L/A covered!<br />
So long, Jeff.<br />
Don’t let the door hit you in<br />
the... oh, I mean congrats on<br />
moving over to our<br />
Main St, Auburn location!<br />
We’ll miss you!!<br />
Thanks, Tina!<br />
(I think).<br />
Come see me at our<br />
Main St, Auburn<br />
location.<br />
Jeff<br />
Williams<br />
Jeff Williams & Tina Tripp<br />
Jeff moves from the Main St. Lewiston<br />
store to the Main St. Auburn store.<br />
Your ulcers can't grow while you're laughing!<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 39
Out ’n About<br />
at Mixers<br />
But I don't have an "any key" on my computer!<br />
Sudoku Puzzle for <strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
(Level: Intermediate) Hints on page 42. Answers on page 49.<br />
Mike & Ike<br />
I’m always<br />
here with<br />
bells on...<br />
Happy<br />
Easter,<br />
folks!<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
40<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
As a man begins to live more seriously within; he begins to live more simply without.
Dieting is wishful shrinking.<br />
9th Annual Heart of Hope<br />
Breast Cancer Fundraiser<br />
Join us for a fabulous Brunch event!<br />
Sunday, <strong>April</strong> 26th 10:00am – 1:00pm<br />
Out ’n About at the<br />
6th Annual<br />
New Auburn Chili &<br />
Chowder Challenge<br />
I knew<br />
you could<br />
do it,<br />
Jasmin!<br />
at the Franco Center, 46 Cedar St, Lewiston<br />
• Brunch • Door Prizes • Raffles<br />
• Guest Speaker & More!<br />
Tickets<br />
$<br />
30<br />
Heart of Hope jewelry line designed<br />
by Carlene Sperry & sold<br />
exclusively at Republic Jewelry<br />
Tickets are available at:<br />
Republic Jewelry<br />
212 Center St in Auburn<br />
Call Chrissy @ 784-4444<br />
for tickets or to make a donation.<br />
or<br />
Contact Mitch/Carlene Sperry<br />
@ 754-0709 or 754-0747<br />
Jasmin Konicki<br />
Winner Age 10 & Under<br />
All proceeds raised go to the Heart of Hope Charitable Fund, a fund for local breast<br />
cancer patients in financial need. Funds are also used to raise awareness and education<br />
for Breast Cancer.<br />
Carlene Sperry is an 12 year Breast Cancer survivor, she is the founder of the Heart of Hope<br />
Charitable Fund. For over 11 years she has raised money to help local women/men fighting<br />
Breast Cancer. Carlene has designed a line of Breast Cancer jewelry which includes pendants<br />
& earrings to help raise money for her charitable fund. Her jewelry line is sold exclusively at<br />
Republic Jewelry which helps raise money along with her annual events.<br />
John Wyman<br />
Tailgate Gourmet<br />
For donations, please make checks payable to Heart of Hope Charitable Fund; tax ID #271275952.<br />
Send to Heart of Hope Charitable Fund, C/O Carlene Sperry, 6 Breton Road, Lisbon, ME 04250.<br />
Sponsored in part by:<br />
212 Center St in Auburn<br />
Don't protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends.<br />
Linda Sincyr<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 41
Which<br />
way<br />
I had a recurring dream once.<br />
Sudoku Hints<br />
Puzzle on page 40.<br />
do<br />
you<br />
roll?<br />
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I'm lucky I eat at all.<br />
Our Winner!<br />
St. Patrick’s Day Photo Contest<br />
Tessa<br />
Just great!<br />
I win the photo contest<br />
and now I get to watch<br />
my parents eat the<br />
winnings!<br />
Where's me pint o' milk?!<br />
Submitted by Nick Dutil (39 votes)<br />
Nick & Katie Dutil won a $50 gift card to Mac’s<br />
Grill for this awesome entry and getting the<br />
most votes in our Facebook photo contest.<br />
Congrats! We know you’ll enjoy Mac’s!!<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
42<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
I got covered in ketchup earlier today, From my head tomatoes.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM toddler.<br />
Like Mom<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
He didn't like the<br />
casserole, He didn't<br />
like my cake.<br />
He said my biscuits<br />
were too hard,<br />
Not like his mother<br />
used to make.<br />
I didn't perk the coffee<br />
right, he didn't like the<br />
stew, I didn't mend his<br />
socks<br />
The way his mother<br />
used to do.<br />
I pondered for an<br />
answer, I was looking<br />
for a clue.<br />
Just found my birth certificate. Ugh, it’s official: I’ve gained weight.<br />
I turned around and<br />
smacked him in the<br />
head.<br />
Like his mother<br />
used to do.<br />
Accidents<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
Doctor: "Ever had an<br />
accident?"<br />
Rancher: "No."<br />
Doctor: "Never?<br />
You’ve never had an<br />
accident in your whole<br />
life?"<br />
Rancher: "Well, last<br />
spring I was out in the<br />
pasture and a bull<br />
tossed me over the<br />
fence."<br />
Doctor: "And you don't<br />
call that an accident?"<br />
Rancher: "No. I think<br />
the bull did it on<br />
purpose."<br />
“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” – Robert Frost<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 43
Out ’n About at the<br />
6th Annual<br />
New Auburn Chili &<br />
Chowder Challenge<br />
I made it<br />
myself!<br />
Right, Bev?<br />
Have you ever noticed how the contents of a box are much more interesting before the<br />
box is opened?<br />
HAPPY HOUR SPECIALS<br />
TUESDAY 3:30 - 6:00PM • FRIDAY & SATURDAY 9:00 - 11:00PM<br />
Lounge Only<br />
Sushi Specials<br />
$<br />
4.00<br />
Sea 40 Wings<br />
6 wings $<br />
5.00<br />
Domestic Drafts<br />
$<br />
2.00<br />
House Wine<br />
$<br />
4.00<br />
Well Drinks<br />
$<br />
5.00<br />
Sake<br />
$<br />
1.00 OFF<br />
Mermaid Nights<br />
Thurs. Nights 7:30-10pm<br />
Drink & Food Specials for the<br />
ladies<br />
Open Mic<br />
Every Wed. at 7pm<br />
Leroy Walker<br />
Auburn City Councilor<br />
Ward 5<br />
My Dad<br />
can eat more<br />
Chili than your<br />
Dad!<br />
Japanese Cuisine<br />
Hibachi • Sushi • Japanese Cuisine<br />
Late Night lounge<br />
40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888 • www.sea40me.com<br />
FREE DESSERT<br />
when you celebrate<br />
your birthday at Sea 40!<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
44<br />
Maxwell & Stuart<br />
Draper<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Voted best International Restaurant AND Best<br />
Sushi Restaurant by Market Surveys of America<br />
2 Years in a row!<br />
“Be not simply good; be good for something.” – Henry David Thoreau
People laugh because I'm different, I laugh because they're all the same.<br />
600 Center St. • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 784-6766 • www.DaysJewelers.com<br />
Since 1914<br />
Watch Battery Special!<br />
All batteries<br />
Only<br />
$<br />
1 .00 Expires 4.30.15<br />
Out ’n About at the<br />
6th Annual<br />
New Auburn Chili &<br />
Chowder Challenge<br />
Darn right<br />
it’s Chili... but<br />
Spring’s coming!<br />
Spring is here!<br />
Limit one<br />
watch battery<br />
per customer<br />
Kathy Shaw<br />
4 Season Farm Market<br />
Out ’n About at the YPLAA<br />
Wii Bowling Tourney<br />
Team Get ‘n Go<br />
Sonya, Donna, Janet & Paul<br />
Now Offering<br />
Remote Starters!<br />
L/A, we’re worth the<br />
drive! We’re 5 minutes<br />
from the Ramada.<br />
Wish<br />
Tony and<br />
his crew a<br />
Happy<br />
Anniversary<br />
in <strong>April</strong>!<br />
Ken Blais<br />
Rolly’s Diner<br />
Doctor, doctor, my<br />
hair's coming out. Can<br />
you give me something<br />
to keep it in?<br />
183 Lisbon Street, Lisbon • 353-9862 • QualityCareAutoRepair.com<br />
Talent hits the target which no one else can hit; genius hits the target which no one else<br />
can see.<br />
Certainly - how about a<br />
paper bag?<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 45
Out ’n About at the<br />
6th Annual<br />
New Auburn Chili &<br />
Chowder Challenge<br />
Mike & Caleb<br />
Davis<br />
Walton School<br />
Can I get a<br />
bigger sample?<br />
“Contingencies have tendencies to become dependencies.”<br />
– W. Thomas McQueeney<br />
Any Make... Any Model... Any Problem...<br />
NO PROBLEM!<br />
• Appointments required<br />
• Fully warranteed & certified<br />
• $60/hr labor rate<br />
Brad’s Precision Auto<br />
144 Riverside Dr., Auburn<br />
333-0364<br />
Brad’s mechanics: (front) Dan & Mallory<br />
(back) Marek, Eli & John<br />
We just<br />
had to get out and<br />
get some air!<br />
We<br />
love power<br />
tools!<br />
Brycin,<br />
Emily<br />
& Halie<br />
Pictured here at<br />
Get Air in Portland<br />
Kids of Nicole Morris<br />
co-owner of<br />
For The Love of Hair<br />
Rolly & Mary<br />
Rolly's Diner<br />
Hidden Word Brain Teaser<br />
Puzzle on page 18.<br />
Did you figure out the answer?<br />
Puzzle Answer:<br />
CARNIVAL<br />
Steve Blais<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
46<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
A goal properly set is halfway reached.
A helping hand is no farther than at the end of your sleeve.<br />
It’s SPRIN Cleaning Time!<br />
We are your cleaning solution!<br />
• Excellent References, Dependable & Trustworthy<br />
• Complete Home & Office Cleaning<br />
• Move-ins & Move-outs, Construction Clean-up<br />
• Daily, Weekly & Monthly Programs<br />
Gettin’<br />
Hitched<br />
Getting<br />
published in the<br />
Digest is now<br />
crossed off my<br />
bucket list...<br />
Locally Owned & Operated • Satisfaction Guaranteed<br />
FREE Estimates • Reasonable Rates<br />
Call Chrissy TODAY!<br />
Sponsor<br />
Turner’s New Community<br />
Community Credit Union’s NEW Turner Branch<br />
(L to R): Sid Hazelton, Marcel Gagne, Mary Lafontaine, Laurie Pelletier, Jen Hogan, Kerry Wood,<br />
Barbara Hardison, Tom Avery, Anne Jarvis, Denis Richardson, Maynard Chapman, Dick Keene,<br />
Alfreda Fournier & Chip Morrison.<br />
Now officially open, Community Credit Union is ready and raring to go to serve it’s new community<br />
in Turner! Located at 1048 Auburn Road in Turner (across from RJB & Son Auto Sales). Stop in<br />
and say hello.<br />
Josh Perkins<br />
& Tasha Wing<br />
Are getting married June<br />
20th. Give it up for Josh &<br />
Tasha!<br />
Congratulations, Josh &<br />
Tasha. We, at Uncle Andy’s<br />
Digest, wish you the best!<br />
Q: What do you get<br />
when you cross poison<br />
ivy with a 4-leaf clover?<br />
A: A rash of good luck.<br />
Q: What's round and<br />
bad-tempered?<br />
A: A vicious circle.<br />
Come see us<br />
at our NEW<br />
Location!<br />
We’re now at<br />
61 Mill Street in<br />
New Auburn<br />
(in the old Pontbriand<br />
Hardware building)<br />
61 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706<br />
Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com<br />
Walk-ins<br />
Welcome<br />
740-6316<br />
$<br />
10 CUTS<br />
184 Turner St. Auburn<br />
(Next to Coastal T-shirts)<br />
hwilliamsbarber.com<br />
Hours: Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4<br />
Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12<br />
A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 47
Out ’n About at the<br />
6th Annual<br />
New Auburn Chili &<br />
Chowder Challenge<br />
A hug is a great gift... one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange.<br />
Tina Saucier<br />
We can’t get<br />
enough of this<br />
deliciousness!<br />
Don't attempt to run from the past, it is always behind you.<br />
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />
Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />
(closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)<br />
DAD’S PLACE<br />
REDEMPTION<br />
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
48<br />
Zen & Zada<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Bottle Drives<br />
Welcome!<br />
✃<br />
Dad’s Redemption<br />
6¢<br />
on all 5¢ returns<br />
with this coupon.<br />
(must present coupon at<br />
Redemption Center prior to counting)<br />
UAD expires 4.30.15<br />
Don't be afraid of opposition; Remember a kite rises against, not with the wind.
782-2135<br />
Mon. - Sat. 10:30am - 9pm<br />
Sun. 11am - 5pm<br />
A fool and his money are soon partying.<br />
Daily Drink Specials!<br />
Every Tuesday is Seniors Day!<br />
11am - 2pm 10% OFF<br />
Menu lunches w/ coupon<br />
Coupon expire 4.30.15<br />
✃<br />
MONDAY<br />
Cheeseburger Special<br />
w/ fries $ 5.99<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
Mexican Day<br />
3 Beef Tacos $ 4.99<br />
FRIDAY<br />
Fish & Chips<br />
$<br />
8.59<br />
SUNDAY<br />
TUESDAY<br />
Thatcher’s Burger<br />
BBQ sauce, cheddar, caramelized onions<br />
w/ fries $ 7.99<br />
THURSDAY<br />
Stuffed Peppers<br />
$<br />
5.99<br />
SATURDAY<br />
Fried Scallops<br />
$<br />
13.99<br />
12” cheese pizza $ 5.99<br />
“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.”<br />
– Winston Churchill<br />
Testimonial for Sasseville Healthy Smiles<br />
A Grave<br />
Encounter<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
After trick-or-treating,<br />
a teen takes a shortcut<br />
home through the<br />
cemetery. Halfway<br />
across, he’s startled by<br />
a tapping noise coming<br />
from the misty shadows.<br />
Trembling with<br />
fear, he spots an old<br />
man with a hammer<br />
and chisel, chipping<br />
away at a headstone.<br />
“I thought you were a<br />
ghost,” says the relieved<br />
teen. “What are<br />
you doing working so<br />
late?”<br />
“Oh, those idiots,”<br />
grumbles the old man.<br />
“They misspelled my<br />
name!”<br />
Q: What occurs once<br />
in a month, twice in a<br />
moment but never in a<br />
day?<br />
A: The letter M<br />
After years of being phobic<br />
of dental offices I have found Lisa-Marie<br />
and her office's calming approach<br />
and atmosphere has me coming back<br />
regularly for good oral health! So glad to have<br />
found her, extremely highly<br />
recommended!!<br />
Bruce Bickford, a patient of Sasseville Healthy Smile and Maine<br />
State Representative, shown with Lisa-Marie Sasseville, owner.<br />
A goal without a plan is just a wish.<br />
Sudoku Answers<br />
Puzzle on page 40.<br />
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 49
Out ’n About at the<br />
YPLAA Wii Bowling<br />
Tourney<br />
I have no idea why the doctor told me to get into shape! Is ROUND not a shape!?<br />
Have you<br />
TAPSNAP’d<br />
yet?<br />
Cindy Gorey<br />
& Pam Dube<br />
TapSnap<br />
Cindy graciously played<br />
“Tracy” to fill in as a back up<br />
bowler for the UAD bowling<br />
team.<br />
I could use a cup<br />
of tea... tea for two<br />
maybe?*<br />
Colby<br />
Michaud<br />
Praxis Production Studios<br />
*Colby’s film, “Tea for Two”<br />
will premier at the Emerge<br />
Film Festival, <strong>April</strong> 9-12. See<br />
page 16 for more info.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
50<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Every once in a brownish-purple moon, I worry that I might be colorblind.
When one door closes, another opens. Also, you can open the closed door.<br />
That’s how doors work.<br />
Marooned<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
One day a man decided<br />
to retire. He booked<br />
himself on a Caribbean<br />
cruise and proceeded to<br />
have the time of his<br />
life... that is, until the<br />
ship sank.<br />
He soon found himself<br />
on an island with no<br />
other people, no supplies,<br />
nothing, only bananas<br />
and coconuts.<br />
After about four months,<br />
he is lying on the beach<br />
one day when the most<br />
gorgeous woman he<br />
has ever seen rows up<br />
to the shore.<br />
In disbelief, he asks,<br />
"Where did you come<br />
from? How did you get<br />
here?"<br />
She replies, "I rowed<br />
over from the other side<br />
of the island where I<br />
landed when my cruise<br />
ship sank."<br />
"Amazing," he notes.<br />
"You were really lucky to<br />
have a row boat wash<br />
up with you."<br />
"Oh, this thing?" explains<br />
the woman. "I<br />
made the boat out of<br />
some raw material I<br />
found on the island. The<br />
oars were whittled from<br />
gum tree branches. I<br />
wove the bottom from<br />
palm tree branches, and<br />
the sides and stern<br />
came from a Eucalyptus<br />
tree."<br />
"But, where did you get<br />
the tools?"<br />
"Oh, that was no prob-<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
The amount of people who confuse “to” and “too” is amazing two me.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 51
(continued from previous page)<br />
lem," replied the<br />
woman. "On the south<br />
side of the island, a very<br />
unusual stratum of alluvial<br />
rock is exposed. I<br />
found that if I fired it to a<br />
certain temperature in<br />
my kiln, it melted into<br />
ductile iron I used that to<br />
make tools and used the<br />
tools to make the hardware."<br />
The guy is stunned.<br />
"Let's row over to my<br />
place," she says.<br />
So, after a short time of<br />
rowing, she soon docks<br />
the boat at a small wharf.<br />
As the man looks to<br />
shore, he nearly falls off<br />
the boat. Before him is a<br />
long stone walk leading<br />
to a cabin and tree<br />
house.<br />
While the woman ties up<br />
the rowboat with an expertly<br />
woven hemp<br />
rope, the man can only<br />
stare ahead, dumb<br />
struck. As they walk into<br />
the house, she says casually,<br />
"It's not much,<br />
but I call it home. Sit<br />
down, please.<br />
Would you like a drink?"<br />
After years struggling with my addiction to hand sanitizer I'm finally clean.<br />
Affordable Dental Excellence!<br />
New Patient Special<br />
$<br />
88 .00<br />
Includes: Cleaning, Exam, & Xrays<br />
Caring family dentist & specialists<br />
488 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-8800<br />
www.androscoggindentalgroup.com<br />
Out ’n About at the YPLAA Wii Bowling Tourney<br />
Team Hannaford<br />
Nicky, Jason, Gabrielle & Jenna<br />
A great time was had by all at DaVinci’s for the<br />
annual Wii Bowling Tourney hosted by YPLAA<br />
Team Electricity ME<br />
Danielle, Muriel, Jane & Loren<br />
"No! No thank you," the<br />
man blurts out, still<br />
dazed. "I can't take another<br />
drop of coconut<br />
juice."<br />
"It's not coconut juice,"<br />
winks the woman. "I<br />
have a still. How would<br />
you like a Tropical<br />
Spritz?"<br />
Team Sloth Lightening<br />
Nate, Travis, Val & Cassie<br />
Trying to hide his continued<br />
amazement, the<br />
man accepts, and they<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
52<br />
(continued on page 54)<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Team Hogan Road Holt<br />
Shawn & Tara Aube,<br />
Loren Hersey & Nikki Withrow<br />
I went to a Queen concert. There was an electrical storm during the show.<br />
Thunderbolts & lightning. Very, very frightening.
(continued from page 52)<br />
sit down on her couch to<br />
talk.<br />
I'd rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds to<br />
wash the dish that doesn't fit.<br />
After they exchange<br />
their individual survival<br />
stories, the woman announces,<br />
"I'm going to<br />
slip into something more<br />
comfortable. Would you<br />
like to take a shower<br />
and shave? There's a<br />
razor in the bathroom<br />
cabinet upstairs."<br />
No longer questioning<br />
anything, the man goes<br />
upstairs into the bathroom.<br />
There, in the cabinet<br />
is a razor made from<br />
a piece of tortoise bone.<br />
Two shells honed to a<br />
hollow ground edge are<br />
fastened on to its end<br />
inside a swivel mechanism.<br />
"This woman is amazing,"<br />
he muses. "What's<br />
next?"<br />
When he returns, she<br />
greets him wearing<br />
nothing but some small<br />
flowers on tiny vines,<br />
each strategically positioned,<br />
she smelled<br />
faintly of gardenias. She<br />
then beckons for him to<br />
sit down next to her.<br />
"Tell me," she begins<br />
suggestively, slithering<br />
closer to him. "We've<br />
both been out here for<br />
many months. You must<br />
have been lonely. When<br />
was the last time you<br />
played around?" She<br />
stares into his eyes.<br />
He can't believe what<br />
he's hearing. "You<br />
mean..." he swallows<br />
excitedly as tears start<br />
to form in his eyes...<br />
"You've built a Golf<br />
Course?"<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
54<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
I told this joke about the post office but no-one laughed. It may have been the delivery.
I’ve had to take a second job working in a bakery... I knead the dough.<br />
Homemade Food<br />
at Fast Food Prices!<br />
Home of the U.F.O.<br />
(Unbelievable Filling Object)<br />
Has Sprung!<br />
Breakfast Special<br />
$<br />
3.75<br />
Includes a Breakfast sandwich<br />
on our homemade roll,<br />
hashbrown, coffee & a donut!<br />
GEORGIO’S<br />
740 Minot Ave, Auburn<br />
783-2981<br />
See Our Specials: myGeorgios.com<br />
Speedy<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Two guys were walking<br />
through the woods<br />
when they thought they<br />
heard something. They<br />
turned around and saw<br />
a big black bear coming<br />
towards them. Both<br />
men started to run<br />
when one of them<br />
stopped to change into<br />
tennis shoes.<br />
The second man said,<br />
“You don't have time to<br />
change shoes. You<br />
can't out run that bear!”<br />
The first man said, “I<br />
know I can't out run the<br />
bear. I only have to<br />
outrun you!”<br />
Timmy<br />
Rucker, you<br />
m*&%f*, can I get<br />
your autograph?<br />
Out ’n About at Mixers with Bob Marley<br />
Why go<br />
UPTA CAMP when<br />
you can go to<br />
Mixers?<br />
Bob Marley & Tim Rucker<br />
Bob Marley<br />
puttin’ on a show to a sold out crowd at Mixers in<br />
Sabattus.<br />
People who work on their tablets all day and play games all night are burning the Kindle<br />
at both ends.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 55
Out ’n About at<br />
For The Love<br />
of Hair<br />
It’s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for lighters and found<br />
over 15,000 matches.<br />
Hair and nails...<br />
Nails and hair.<br />
Either way you cut it<br />
works for us.<br />
Angela Spinney,<br />
Nicole Morris &<br />
Katie Coolidge<br />
You can find all three of<br />
these ladies in Poland at For<br />
The Love of Hair. See their<br />
ad on page 39.<br />
Jimbo said he had a man-crush<br />
on his own hair, but love was<br />
too strong of a word. Especially<br />
with the bald spot and receding<br />
hairline.<br />
Boys n’ Girls<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A three-year-old went<br />
with his dad to see a<br />
litter of kittens. On returning<br />
home, he<br />
breathlessly informed<br />
his mother that there<br />
were two boy kittens<br />
and two girl kittens.<br />
"How did you know?"<br />
his mother asked.<br />
"Daddy picked them up<br />
and looked underneath,"<br />
he replied. "I<br />
think it's printed on the<br />
bottom."<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
56<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
I saw a man get his watch stolen right from under his nose. What a strange place to keep<br />
a watch.
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a<br />
jar of salsa.<br />
Huge<br />
Announcement<br />
Coming...<br />
SPRING TIME<br />
SAVINGS!<br />
Stay<br />
Tuned...<br />
UAD<br />
UAD<br />
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen.<br />
Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 57
Pink never<br />
looked so good!<br />
Julie Girouard<br />
& Shelby Rucker<br />
8th graders at Lewiston<br />
Middle School pose for<br />
“Pink Day” for their team<br />
on theme week.<br />
Wascally<br />
Wabbit<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me. My mom said, “Just use a spoon<br />
already Karl! You’re not a Jedi.”<br />
Ladypalooza!<br />
Saturday,<br />
May 9 th<br />
11:00-3:00<br />
Elks Lodge<br />
1675 Lisbon Road, Lewiston<br />
Join us for an afternoon of shopping, spa services,<br />
snacks, samples & girl time.<br />
Bugs Bunny was shopping<br />
at the supermarket<br />
and a sales<br />
assistant said to him,<br />
“If you can tell me what<br />
19,866 times 10,543 is,<br />
we’ll give you free<br />
carrots for life.”<br />
FREE<br />
Admission<br />
HUGE<br />
RAFFLE!<br />
Immediately, Bugs responded:<br />
209,447,238.<br />
The sales assistant<br />
was astonished and<br />
asked, “How on earth<br />
did you do that?”<br />
Bugs replied, “If there’s<br />
one thing rabbits are<br />
good at, it’s multiplying.”<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
58<br />
Q: Why are there<br />
candles and bulbs in<br />
your lunch box?<br />
A: You asked for a<br />
Light Lunch!<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Ladypalooza is an annual fundraising event to raise<br />
money for local women & children’s charities.<br />
100% proceeds donated to:<br />
TREE<br />
STREET<br />
YOUTH<br />
treestreetyouth.org<br />
Sponsored in part by:<br />
I was driving a fire engine earlier and I nearly fell out of it... Thank goodness the guy at<br />
Target rushed over to unplug it.
"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."<br />
Just Darn Good Deals<br />
FREE DESSERT<br />
✃<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)<br />
✃<br />
✃<br />
40 East Ave. Lewiston • 795-6888<br />
Sea40me.com<br />
Get 10% OFF<br />
Darn Good Deal ad.<br />
207-783-7039<br />
Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)<br />
161 Lincoln St.<br />
Lewiston<br />
784-7042<br />
LabadiesBakery.com<br />
$<br />
1,000. OFF<br />
Any Inground or Above Ground Pool<br />
Call to schedule your Spring installation!<br />
Pool Builders of Maine<br />
Quality Workmanship, Outstanding Service<br />
✃ Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)<br />
poolbuildersofmaine.com<br />
1525 Minot Ave. Auburn • 795-7222<br />
$<br />
5 OFF 2 LARGE<br />
PIZZAS!<br />
2 Large 1-topping pizzas $15.99 (Reg. $20.99)<br />
Limit one per customer per visit.<br />
Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)<br />
✃<br />
Sabattus<br />
Main Street Market<br />
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502<br />
on all<br />
✃6 ¢ 5¢ returns<br />
(must present coupon at<br />
Redemption Center prior to counting)<br />
Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)<br />
DAD’S PLACEREDEMPTION<br />
23 Pleasant St. McFalls • 345-5551<br />
LIQUID<br />
SUNSHINE<br />
Car Wash & Detail<br />
Now that we have<br />
your attention...<br />
865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004<br />
Take advantage of the coupon<br />
on the other side of this page.<br />
LOOK & BOOK NOW!<br />
$<br />
1. OFF<br />
$10 or more<br />
Breakfast or Lunch. Limit one per customer per visit.<br />
Expires 4.30.15<br />
✃<br />
(UAD)<br />
Egg-ceptional Restaurant<br />
5 Pigeon Hill Rd, McFalls • 998-5577<br />
ONLY $<br />
5.00<br />
Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)<br />
✃<br />
Dad’s Place<br />
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls<br />
345-5551 • DadsPlace.info<br />
The secret of true greatness is simplicity.
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.<br />
Pre-book your appointment in <strong>April</strong> and get...<br />
20% OFF<br />
with this ad<br />
Satisfaction Guaranteed • Free pickup & delivery<br />
Showroom quality • Call TODAY!<br />
Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm<br />
Fri. by appointment<br />
Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.<br />
Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit<br />
with results that you will be proud to show off.<br />
Visit us at our state of the art office at:<br />
730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza<br />
783-1351<br />
Same Day Emergency Care<br />
We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider<br />
LIQUID<br />
SUNSHINE<br />
Car Wash & Detail<br />
865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004<br />
auburnplazafamilydentistry.com<br />
Check out our NEWLY Designed website: UncleAndys.com
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