April 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

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Jackpot Submitted by Jimbo While working for Meals-on-Wheels, an organization that delivers lunches to the elderly, Paul used to take his 4-year-old daughter, Lois, with him on his afternoon rounds. Lois was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the walking sticks, triangular walkers and the wheelchairs. One day Paul found Lois staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As he prepared himself for the inevitable barrage of questions, Lois merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy is never going to believe this.” Fire! Submitted by Thomas Hill In a panic old Clyde calls the fire department. Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate. Assisted Home Care II “Our Family Assisting Your Family” Assisting Families since 1997. • Registered Home Health Care Service Agency • Private Duty Care & Staff Relief • 24 hour Personal Care and Response • Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers • Assist with Independent Living at Home Now expanding our services to the Midcoast Region! 11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org Considering a NEW Used Vehicle? Shop around, then go see the guys at Cyr’s. Keeping your current vehicle in tip top shape might make more financial sense. Complete mechanical repair and body work done on premise! Call for a FREE Quote! Make Your old car look & run like NEW! 845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn • 782-5500 “Hello, this is the fire department” says the voice on the other end. “This is Clyde my barn's on fire you better git up here quick.” The voice says, “Okay, we can help, how do we get there?” Clyde says, “Ain't you still got them big red trucks?!” Uncle Andy’s Digest 28 April 2015 ...with Jimbo 783-7039 The larger the lake of knowledge the longer the shore of wonder.
“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will know peace.” – Jimi Hendrix Senior Citizens 10 % OFF with this ad Expires 4.30.15 UAD Upscale Comfort Food & Home Style Hospitality in a Historically Distinct Setting. Featuring a New Spring Menu! JOIN US Foodie Tuesdays - Specials Wed. Hump Day - Happy Hour 4-7pm $ 2 Domestic Beers • $ 4 Well Drinks Thirsty Thursday - Ladies Night • 1/2 priced drinks 103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 333-3070 • RailsMaine.com Tuesday - Thursday 11am - 8pm; Friday & Saturday 11am - 10pm Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. The Winning Wii Bowling Team Wake Up Call Submitted by Jimbo One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6:00 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6:00, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, I let the motel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6:00 AM!" I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?" "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you probably wouldn't be staying in this motel!" First Kiss Submitted by Jimbo It’s true, I had to carry our team all night! Team Photo Finish Francis, Ellie and Cole Gagnon & Dr. Ryan Metivier I can't remember the last time I forgot something. An honest seven-yearold admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. “How did that happen?” gasped her mother. “It wasn't easy,” admitted the young lady, “but three girls helped me catch him.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with Jimbo April 2015 UncleAndys.com 29
Page 1 and 2: UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST The Most Unus
Page 3 and 4: I’m going to retire and live off
Page 6 and 7: Heaven Bound Submitted by Thomas Hi
Page 8 and 9: Lady Thoughts Submitted by Jimbo I'
Page 10 and 11: Out ’n About at the YPLAA Wii Bow
Page 12 and 13: Economic Travel Submitted by Thomas
Page 14 and 15: Out ’n About at Mixers With prope
Page 16 and 17: St. Patrick’s Day Photo Contest E
Page 18 and 19: Out ’n About at Mixers Just getti
Page 20 and 21: Mend-A-Body Captains log, Star-date
Page 22 and 23: Workaholic Submitted by Thomas Hill
Page 26 and 27: Dummy Submitted by Thomas Hill The
Page 30 and 31: CALL THE PROS New Advertisers get 1
Page 32 and 33: Out ’n About at the 6th Annual Ne
Page 38 and 39: The Geiger Elementary School Parent
Page 40 and 41: Out ’n About at Mixers But I don'
Page 42 and 43: Which way I had a recurring dream o
Page 52: (continued from previous page) lem,
Page 55 and 56: I’ve had to take a second job wor
Page 57 and 58: The adult version of Operation is t
Page 59 and 60: "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mu

April 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

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