April 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

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(continued from page 52) sit down on her couch to talk. I'd rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds to wash the dish that doesn't fit. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs." No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him. "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around?" She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes... "You've built a Golf Course?" Uncle Andy’s Digest 54 April 2015 ...with Jimbo 783-7039 I told this joke about the post office but no-one laughed. It may have been the delivery.
I’ve had to take a second job working in a bakery... I knead the dough. Homemade Food at Fast Food Prices! Home of the U.F.O. (Unbelievable Filling Object) Has Sprung! Breakfast Special $ 3.75 Includes a Breakfast sandwich on our homemade roll, hashbrown, coffee & a donut! GEORGIO’S 740 Minot Ave, Auburn 783-2981 See Our Specials: myGeorgios.com Speedy Submitted by Thomas Hill Two guys were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said, “You don't have time to change shoes. You can't out run that bear!” The first man said, “I know I can't out run the bear. I only have to outrun you!” Timmy Rucker, you m*&%f*, can I get your autograph? Out ’n About at Mixers with Bob Marley Why go UPTA CAMP when you can go to Mixers? Bob Marley & Tim Rucker Bob Marley puttin’ on a show to a sold out crowd at Mixers in Sabattus. People who work on their tablets all day and play games all night are burning the Kindle at both ends. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with Jimbo April 2015 UncleAndys.com 55
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UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST The Most Unus
Page 3 and 4: I’m going to retire and live off
Page 6 and 7: Heaven Bound Submitted by Thomas Hi
Page 8 and 9: Lady Thoughts Submitted by Jimbo I'
Page 10 and 11: Out ’n About at the YPLAA Wii Bow
Page 12 and 13: Economic Travel Submitted by Thomas
Page 14 and 15: Out ’n About at Mixers With prope
Page 16 and 17: St. Patrick’s Day Photo Contest E
Page 18 and 19: Out ’n About at Mixers Just getti
Page 20 and 21: Mend-A-Body Captains log, Star-date
Page 22 and 23: Workaholic Submitted by Thomas Hill
Page 26 and 27: Dummy Submitted by Thomas Hill The
Page 28 and 29: Jackpot Submitted by Jimbo While wo
Page 30 and 31: CALL THE PROS New Advertisers get 1
Page 32 and 33: Out ’n About at the 6th Annual Ne
Page 38 and 39: The Geiger Elementary School Parent
Page 40 and 41: Out ’n About at Mixers But I don'
Page 42 and 43: Which way I had a recurring dream o
Page 52: (continued from previous page) lem,
Page 57 and 58: The adult version of Operation is t
Page 59 and 60: "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mu
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April 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

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