A Life in the Day of Nixdown Nixon - The Woody Back to School Unit

59
Charlotte Barber is a very good thing and as
sound as a trout. She doesn’t make unnecessary
trouble for anybody.
“Thanks Charlie,” I sigh. “I’ll take it from here.”
I walk over to the twins and reach into my
blazer pocket. This is a part of my job that I detest.
The protocols require me to formally red card them,
so I palm the card and try to do it with as little drama
as possible.
“Come along,” I tell them, “Let’s get you up to
the library. I’ll contact Miss Morton and she’ll be along
to beat you at her earliest convenience. Now let’s be
sensible, I don’t want any pushing, prodding or
poking on the way or I will be obliged to take you up
before the Grand Master. Now lower your arms and
cut along sharpish. I’ll be right behind you.”
I pull out my smartphone and speed-dial Debs.
Derby answers the call.
“This is Miss Morton’s assistant, how my I help
you?” she says in her refined aristocratic accent.
“Derby, you know who it is for gawds sake,
there is no need for this formality, where’s Debs?” I
try not to sound too snappy. Lady Huntington has
written her own script and dances to her own
drummer and who am I to criticize?
“Miss Morton is in the shower,” responds
Derby, apparently oblivious to my terseness. “Do you
require her to mobilize to the library?”
There is little doubt in my mind that if she
wasn’t banged up in Woodys that she would be an
inmate at the Home for the Bewildered. She is
certifiably barking.