Anni - The Perfect Wisdom Web

a n n icausing greater and greater need. It is through me andmy fault that their joy and confidence and courage forlife are being completely extinguished, physically as wellas inwardly.I see it all so clearly before me. Is such a thing possible?I don’t understand it, I can’t understand it. There simplymust be a solution. Is it really meant to be that way? Ican’t grasp it. Then Christ is very far away from me.Where does this great love and affection between parentsand children come from, that one can and may trampleon it like that? I don’t know where to turn. The onlytimes I speak about it, I do so in a rather ironic, lighttone, and it feels each time as if I am betraying them anddisowning them.And yet there has to be a clear way. Isn’t the lovebetween parents and children something that is willedand given by God? How can one destroy it? And yet Ihave to do this. I ask myself over and over again, haveI really allowed myself to be gripped by the importantthing here? Am I following it truly, and not just literally?It sometimes seems to me as if in my inner life I am just aslifeless and unmoved as before. I don’t know what to do.I realize more and more how much my inner and outwardactions are lacking in true life and the real fire of love, sothat I cannot grasp anything, and nothing grips me.As long as this is so, I do not have the clarity andconviction to write to them. I ask fervently for clarity. Itcan’t go on like this. Something has to happen.And then on the other hand it is a fact that I am158