Anni - The Perfect Wisdom Web

l a s t m o n t h s i n t h a l eit, even when you said I would be able to stand on myown. I’d love to know whether you really did think likethat, and why you did.I myself actually don’t know how I stand now, whatis happening, and above all, what will happen. I knowexactly how dependent I have been on you and it is soembarrassing to have to realize that again and again.Which is exactly why I preferred not to have to realizeit. You obviously want to bring me back into the oldgroup again. Why you care about it I don’t know. ButI also don’t know whether I have the right to return.I believe in it less and less. But it is also very difficultto completely abandon it and that is perhaps the worstthing–not to ever really know, and yet despite all wishesto the contrary to have to come to the clear decision thatit no longer comes into question for me personally.You can imagine that this shillyshallying is not veryheartening, and that it especially makes it difficult tomeet new people and build a relationship to them. It is sodifficult to decide, that is, to be honest with oneself. Andwhen I think that we were intending to work together infall, it may be that I was wishing to see things differentlythan they are because they seem so much more temptingand attractive that way. I don’t think I can resist this.I don’t know whether I should say yes or no. I thinkyou will be able to find your way through this disorder.Please be completely frank. It wouldn’t make sense to tryto build on something that is meaningless. It took a longtime for me to write this to you, but for once it finally has87