Pastoral Relationship with People with Intellectual ... - Theses

221prefers to acquiesce with others rather than sit with Alice and risk peoplewondering why I’m apparently wasting my time.I also wonder if I pass her by because there are aspects of Alice’s frailvulnerable self that reflect my own frailty and vulnerability. Perhaps she puts myown mortality into such sharp relief that I rather spontaneously react by passingher by, thus avoiding seeing frail vulnerable Alice in me. It is a reminder of therole of pastoral carer as that of Wounded Healer, engaging in a shared pastoralrelationship with the frail vulnerable other out of a recognition of one’s ownwounded identity. 572 It raises the issue as to my readiness to embrace mywounded self if I choose to embrace Alice. It means overcoming the fear arousedin me when confronting my own mortality.But the outlined reasons for passing Alice by are palpably inadequate.They only reinforce the lack of human identity and worth she experiences frommost who live or work in close proximity to her. This is exemplified by thetherapists who talk over the top of her as if she was non-existent. It onlycompounds the lack of love and relationship she seems to experience.When I do stop and sit with her I usually find myself saying only a little,often in terms of what is going on around her at that moment, or describing whatcan be seen in the garden close to where she sits. But I often find myself justsitting with her in prolonged silence looking into her face or looking with her outthe window, trying to get a feel for her mood and level of comfort. When I can’teasily discern what she may be feeling or thinking I try to reassure myself of thevalue of simply being present with her. I try to remain hopeful of communicatingto her at some level of her being that her human worth is such that it is worth mytime to spend time with her.From a pastoral theological perspective I understand that God valuesthose created in God’s image on the basis of their being rather than anything theydo. God’s love is not won through achievement or through the magnetism of anattractive personality. It is simply offered on the basis of their God-given status.So ‘being with’ affirms the God-given value of the other.I dearly hope that somehow Alice does feel valued through me orsomeone else taking the time to sit and be with her. However, I can’t be sure. It572 Nouwen, The Wounded Healer.