Uncle Andy's Digest - February 2021
We are still celebrating our 25th anniversary in print ! The Digest delivers laughs, facts, and fun! See Out 'n Abouts from our Sweethearts Photo Contest! We also continue with photos from the Digest archives! Have your family roaring with laughter this Valentine's Day with our hilarious jokes and one-liners! Continue to use the Digest as your guide to all things LA and beyond! Support Local Business!
We are still celebrating our 25th anniversary in print ! The Digest delivers laughs, facts, and fun! See Out 'n Abouts from our Sweethearts Photo Contest! We also continue with photos from the Digest archives!
Have your family roaring with laughter this Valentine's Day with our hilarious jokes and one-liners!
Continue to use the Digest as your guide to all things LA and beyond! Support Local Business!
You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles
YUMPU automatically turns print PDFs into web optimized ePapers that Google loves.
UNCLE
ANDY’S
DIGEST SINCE
Celebrating
Years
FEBRUARY
2021
1996
YOU’LL FALL IN LOVE WITH OUR AUTO LOAN RATES!
Friendly, Personal Service
for all your financial needs!
Great Falls
Federal Credit Union
www.GreatFallsfcu.com
34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192
760 Minot Ave., Auburn • 753-0500
*Annual Percentage Rate. Rates beginning at/qualifications restrictions apply
DAILY, WEEKLY, & MONTHLY
RENTALS AVAILABLE!
For details, call Ryan Kennard
207-346-0279
GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.
Whited Equipment Co. is your
New Factory Authorized Hyundai
Construction Equipment dealer
for Central & Southern Maine.
New & used available!
Sales • Lease • Rentals
Parts & Service
whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn
207-782-7113
Get Your FREE
Quote Today!
31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 1
Happy Valentine’s Day to all the couples out there!
Happy Independence Day to all the single folks out there!
DEEP CLEAN
JANITORIAL SERVICES
www.deepcleanjs.com
deepcleanjs@yahoo.com
10% REFERRAL BONUS
Know someone searching for a new cleaning company?
Mention this ad to them and we will pay you 10% of their full invoice when they hire us!
PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY
Excellence in commercial cleaning &
janitorial services when you choose
Deep Clean Janitorial Services
207-712-2765
Commercial/Office
Construction Sites
Apartment Turnovers
Floors/Tile/Carpets
COVID-19:
Disinfecting services to help keep your
employees and customers safe.
Your Vision. Our Expertise.
Kitchens, Baths, Decks & More!
• Windows/Doors
• Siding
• Custom Tile
• Lead Certified
• VA Special Adaptive Housing
• Handicap Accessible Projects
207-212-7791
www.vghomeimprovements.com
According to the meteorologist, we’re in for a bad spell of wether.
Buzz Aldrin was the second man on the moon. Neil before him.
Out ‘n About at
Coach Terry’s
Redemption Center
Devin Corliss
I’m headed
to a recycling
party this weekend.
Everyone has to
bring a bottle.
Savannah Corliss
Coach Terry’s
the name,
redemption is
my game.
Angelo Terreri
Of all the things I learned in school, trying to avoid cooties
is the last thing I thought I’d need in adulthood.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 3
Uncle Andy’s Digest
is published by the first
Friday of every month by
Maine Mountain Ocean
Group, Inc. with its world
headquarters located at
9 Grove Street, Auburn,
Maine, USA.
Published and distributed
since 1996 throughout
Central Maine and mailed to
subscribers all over the Free
World. Subscriptions are
$36/year.
UncleAndysDigest.com
Office: 207-783-7039
UAD Super Heroes
For Valentine’s Day, I’m giving my wife a selfie photo inside a pistachio.
That’s me in a nutshell.
Smile in
Comfort
CAPTAIN
JIMBO
WONDER
WOMAN
TYLA
BATGIRL
STEPHANIE
SMILE AGAIN DENTURES
801 Webster Street, Lewiston • smileagaindentures@gmail.com
SmileAgainDentures.com
514-0660
All work done on-site.
Repairs usually same day service!
Like our
name implies,
we’ll make you
SMILE
AGAIN
SUPERGIRL
KATIE
IRONSIDES
STEVE
While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries
very hard to ensure the accuracy
of the information in our clients’
advertisements and our publication
in general, we are not responsible
for vendor availability, typographical
errors, technical inaccuracies, product
pricing errors, or omissions.
Joe & Mike
Adkins
Licensed
Denturists
Call us today for:
• Full Dentures
• Immediate Dentures
Joe & Mike
• Partial Adkins Dentures
Licensed
Denturists
• Rebases
• Relines
• Repairs
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
4 Feb. 2021 783-7039
I turned down a job at the farmer’s market because the celery was unacceptable.
I once highjacked a submarine so I could get to the bottom of things.
Licensed & Insured
Southern to Central Maine
• Design & Build
• Installation
• Service
Out ‘n About at
Coach Terry’s
Redemption Center
I don’t
understand why
some people don’t
recycle. Why would
you buy a bike and
only ride it
once?
OUR DIFFERENCE?
It’s in our core beliefs
2085 Lisbon Rd., Ste. 7, Lewiston
207-795-7800
regionalelectric.com
Elaine Terreri
I’m young at heart and slightly older in other places.
MAIN STREET MARKET
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502
MONDAY
Ham Italians
Sm $1.99 Lg. $2.99
WEDNESDAY
Chicken Salad
Sm $2.49 Lg. $3.99
FRIDAY
Tuna Italian
Sm $2.49 Lg. $3.99
SUNDAY
$2.00 OFF
Any large pizza
Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week
TUESDAY
Small 1-topping Pizza
10" pizza $3.99
THURSDAY
Bowl of Chili
$3.99
B.L.T.
Sm. $2.49
Lg. $3.99
SATURDAY
Baked Beans
Pint $2.99 Quart $3.99
Full beans ’n franks meal $8.59
Breakfast Sandwiches $1.99
Hash browns 2/$1.00
Coffee all sizes $0.99
We accept cash, checks,
major credit/debit cards, & EBT
I went to a vegan restaurant last night. When the waiter asked me how my meal was
I told him to give my compliments to the gardener.
Lost Ticket
Submitted by Jimbo
Albert Einstein was
recognized as the
original absent-minded
professor. One day,
on board a train, he
was unable to find his
ticket. The conductor
said, “Take it easy.
You’ll find it.”
When the conductor
returned, Einstein still
couldn’t find the ticket.
The conductor, recognizing
the famous scientist,
said, “I’m sure
you bought a ticket.
Forget about it.”
“You’re very kind,”
Einstein said, “but I
must find it, otherwise
I won’t know where to
get off.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 5
All the good chemistry jokes argon.
Out ‘n About celebrating Valentines
with Uncle Andy’s Digest
Sweethearts Photo Contest
Love, hope, success, family, security.
Some things we all have in common.
There’s nobody like me to protect the things
we all value.
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.®
CALL ME TODAY.
Heather & Tom Printup
A Day
of Rest
Submitted by Tyla Davis
Fred called up his
buddy, Ben, one day to
try to make plans.
“Hey, what are you
doing today? Do you
want to go to Roy’s
All Steak for lunch?”
asked Fred.
“I’m not doing a thing
today. I’m going to take
a day to rest,” replied
Ben.
Start your
day right
with a
great
breakfast!
BREAKFAST SPECIALS
includes coffee or small beverage
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
SUNDAY
$6.95
2 eggs, sausage, home fries & toast
2 eggs, corned beef hash & toast
3 blueberry pancakes
French Toast
2 item omelet & toast
2 golden pancakes & sausage
French Crepes
5 Washington St. Auburn
Mon. - Fri. 5am - 8pm
Sat. & Sun. 6am - 8pm
783-4304
Phone orders are welcome
$
1 OFF
any purchase
of $ 6 .00 or more
1 coupon per order
Please, no reproduction
of coupons
expires 2.28.21
“Didn’t you do that yesterday?”
asked Fred.
“I wasn’t finished.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
6
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 783-7039
Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily! You won’t go hungry at
Serving LA for more than 30 Years!
Some guy asked me if I had a date for Valentine’s Day.
Of course I do – it’s February 14th.
Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love, and got married.
Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy. The reception, however, was excellent.
Out ‘n About
celebrating
Valentines
with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s
Sweethearts Photo Contest
We’re
getting married
this summer!
Andrea Aube &
Matt Brooks
Todd Arsenault &
Jane Hinkley
Our love is
so strong, we grew
teddy bear ears!
The Chapman House has private rooms available
for residents, aged 65 and older, that need
assistance with bathing, medications, and meals.
We provide a warm and
comfortable home for our residents
41 Pleasant Street
Auburn
207-783-0961
Rosemary Camire Knight
I’m such a bad swimmer I almost drowned on a pool table once.
Jill & Warren
Libby
Bill & Tammy
Robbins
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 7
Out ‘n About at
MEDCo
I love Valentine’s Day when I get to make cupcakes for that special someone.
And that special someone is me.
Hooray
on 25 years
to Jimbo and the
Digest team! We’re
proud to be part of
your advertising
family!
Alex McMahan
Owner
These
t-shirts are
awesome!
Golf is the only game where being subpar is a good thing.
Devin Michaud
Cortney Sequin
THE AMERICAN LEGION
FAMILY
We Are Standing Strong!
William J. Rogers Post 153 will abide
by COVID-19 executive orders from the
Governor and guidelines set forth by the
CDC, DHHS, & DECD.
Our staff and volunteers will take
necessary precautions to ensure safety
for all. We ask that you follow safety
guidelines as well. MASKS ARE
REQUIRED - PLEASE WEAR YOUR
MASKS WHENEVER POSSIBLE.
PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING.
For Veteran or Community services, call
207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229
Hall Rentals Available
Call for more information
207-782-1118
71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118
Members & Guests Welcome
NOTICE: The William J. Rogers post will be open
Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays from 12p-6p,
Saturdays from 12p-7p, and Sundays from 11a-6p.
FEBRUARY DINNERS TO GO/CURBSIDE PICKUP
All February Dinners are from 4:30p-6:30p
Limited seating available - help us by calling ahead for your orders.
9am-12pm, 207-312-8284 12pm-4pm, 207-212-1466
Ask about our drink specials!
SATURDAY, FEB. 6 TH : Roast pork loin w/mashed potato & gravy,
veggies, salad, & roll. $10.00
SATURDAY, FEB. 13 TH : Valentines Dinner $15.00 (call to order in advance)
Prime rib w/mashed potato, veggies, salad, & roll
SATURDAY, FEB. 20 TH : Lobster roll w/fries & coleslaw. $10.00
SATURDAY, FEB. 27 TH : Beef stew dinner, salad, & roll. $10.00
MONTHLY MEETING
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 17 TH
EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM
GENERAL MEETING, 7PM
Bloody Mary Sundays by Kevin!
11am-6pm
IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to COVID-19/Coronavirus, all activities
are subject to change. Follow us on Facebook page for updates.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
8 Feb. 2021 783-7039
Don’t be worried about your smartphone and tv spying on you.
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
HAS IT ALL
This special
was so successful
we’re doing it
again in
February!
Medium (12")
1-topping
Pizza
Only
$
10
excludes specialty toppings
Your one-stop shop for:
• Amazing food (eat in or take out)
• Agency liquor store with beer cave
• Lottery tickets
• Redemption center
Full serve catering at the
location of your choice.
Book Your
2021
Events Now!
207-345-9009
DadsPlaceCatering.com
207-345-5551
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com
Catering
Dad’s Redemption Center
6¢ a
bottle for
Make-A-Wish
Donations!
Redemption Center is
directly behind Dad’s Place
DONATE YOUR
BOTTLES TO
Help grant a wish to a local child
battling a critical illness
See our redemption ad on page 33.
Out ‘n About at
MEDCo
Did you
know that all
of our incredible
edibles, tinctures,
lemon-aid, and THC
salves are crafted right
here in Lewiston? Our
state-certified kitchen
is the ONLY open-air
kitchen in the state.
You can watch our
expert staff create
all your favorite
things!
My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning.
It’s a girl and weighs 7lbs., 12 oz.
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it! 87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171
Vegas High Rise Skillet
Hash browns, sausage patty, &
cheddar cheese. Baked, then
topped with two poached
eggs. Plus toast & coffee.
RollysNewAuburn.com
CLOSED MONDAY,
Tues – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,
Sunday 7 am – noon
Donna Savard
Waterlogged
Submitted by Jimbo
A teenage boy tells his father,
“Dad, there’s trouble
with the car, it has water
in the carburetor.”
The easiest way to build stairs is to use a step by step guide.
Out ‘n About in the Digest in the 2011 archives
Reminiscing through our 25 years!
The father looks confused
and says, “Water
in the carburetor? That’s
ridiculous!”
But the son insists, “I tell
you, the car has water in
the carburetor.”
Cyndi Robbins
His father, starting to get
a little nervous, says “You
don’t even know what a
carburetor is.... but I will
check it out. Where is the
car?”
“In the pool,” replies the
son.
Celeste & Michael Onofrio
Misty Edgecomb
Don Poisson
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
10 Feb. 2021 783-7039
I went to Vegas in an $80,000 Porsche and came back in a $400,000 Greyhound bus.
MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE
EVERY MONDAY
20% OFF
All Burgers
30% OFF
All Drafts
EVERY TUESDAY
75¢
WINGS
Do it for LOVE (of steak)
Bring your loved one in to Mac’s Grill this Valentines Day!
We Cater!
Offering full service catering
and drop off service!
WE CATER IT ALL!
Check
out our retail
counter for all
your grilling
needs!
Celebrate
your love for steak
any day with us at
Mac’s!
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
Now
Hiring
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
Out ‘n About at
Roy’s Foodland
Only the
freshest meats
here at Roy’s
Foodland!
We are Looking for
Licensed Electricians
Apply
Within
RoySnow.com
207.782.3734
Serving Maine since 1947
11 Library Ave.
Auburn
Roger Violette
Those
fresh ingredients
are the reason why
our food is so
delicious!
IS YOUR BUSINESS HIRING?
Advertise in our new
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
section to get your job opening viewed by more
than 20,000 each month! Call today FMI!
207-783-7039
COME JOIN OUR TEAM!
You’ll be glad you did!
We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals
Lucille Violette
Did You
Know?
The first Valentine’s
Day box of chocolates
was introduced by
Richard Cadbury in
1868.
To apply:
www.jfmhomes.org or 207-783-2726 x202
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
12 Feb. 2021 783-7039
The abacus factory is counter-productive.
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION IS GROWING!
We are seeking experienced service and
installation technicians to join our team!
PLEASE CALL 207-777-5600
protechoffice11@yahoo.com
Air Conditioning & Heating
I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
24 Hour
Service
Fully Insured
Out ‘n About with Crystal Spring Healing Alternatives
Now
Hiring
Honeymoon’s
Over
Submitted by Tyla Davis
Daniel and Jessica, a
young couple, got married
and went happily
on their honeymoon.
When they got back,
Jessica immediately
phoned her mother
to talk about the
experience.
“How was the honeymoon,
dearest?” her
mother inquired.
“Oh, Ma,” she replied,
“the honeymoon was
wonderful. So romantic...”
Jessica’s voice
trailed off.
“Is something the
matter, my dear?” her
mother asked.
Then Jessica burst out
crying. “As soon as we
returned home Daniel
started using the most
ghastly language...
saying things I’ve
never heard before! I
mean, all these awful
4-letter words! You’ve
got to come get me
and take me home.
Please Ma, I can’t live
like this!”
“Calm down, Jessica!”
said her mother, “Tell
me, what could be so
awful? What 4-letter
words?”
Alex Degan Lucy Robinson Sam Scalia
I wish fathers took #1 Dad shirts seriously and fought each other
whenever they saw another dad wearing one.
Still sobbing, Jessica
whispered, “He was
using words like dust,
wash, cook, and iron.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 13
My One
and Only
Submitted by Tyla Davis
Roger was out at the
local jewelry store
shopping for his girlfriend
for Valentine’s
Day. Roger spotted a
beautiful gold ring and
called an attendant
over for assistance.
“Yes, sir, may I help
you?” asked the
attendant.
“I’m interested in this
ring for a Valentine’s
Day gift. Can you tell
me more about it?”
“Why yes, sir. It’s a
stunning 24 karat gold
ring with a 3/4 karat
ruby in it. And we can
even engrave it for that
special someone, free
of charge.”
Roger thought for a
minute and then told
the attendant, “I think
I will buy this ring.
Please engrave it ‘To
my one and only love.’”
“How very romantic of
you,” exclaimed the attendant,
“that is a very
sweet way to show
your affection.”
“It’s not romantic, it’s
more practical. If my
girlfriend and I end up
breaking up, I can use
this gift again.”
My first day back to the gym went well. I did 20 minutes of cardio,
10 minute on the defibrillator, and three days in the hospital.
KNOW
WHO
YOU
HIRE!
Maine’s largest resource for:
Background Searches
Criminal • Driving • Sex Offenders
207-783-0000
corporateintelligenceinc.com
•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•
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* PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR WINTER HOURS
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207.689.3030
Come Visit Our New Location
694 Main Street, Lewiston
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Mention our ad and receive
10% off
of your purchase!
Exp. 2/28/2021
Check out
our daily
specials! 207-241-2590
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
14 Feb. 2021 783-7039
I hate it when people don’t know the difference between your and you’re.
There so stupid.
The police are arresting me for downloading every Wikipedia article.
“Wait,” I shouted, “I can explain everything!”
FALL IN LOVE WITH OUR SOUPS!
Try our Clam Chowder or Chicken Enchilada as a meal or
pair with a half sandwich, like our amazing Hot Pastrami
Out ‘n About
celebrating
Valentines
with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s
Sweethearts Photo Contest
Online ordering
and curbside pickup
available at
Heidisbrooklyndelime.com
Melinda Carmichael
& Nick Patides
40 years
married! And
still happy
as ever!
600 Turner St., Auburn • 784-3434 AND 415 Philbrook Ave. S. Portland • 773-4800
Never do anything you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
Denise & Richard
Legare
Kyle Lovejoy &
Caitlin Brown
We’re
all smiles when we’re
together!
Samantha Mathieu
& Dylan Jones
Women don’t want to tell their age and men don’t want to act their age.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 15
Out ‘n About
celebrating
Valentines
with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s
Sweethearts Photo Contest
Do
you know
what kind of
flowers you
should never
get me?
I bought a secondhand dress from Bonnie Tyler. But every now and then it falls apart.
Will You Be Our Valentine?
Romance is in the air when you dine with us
Reservations Suggested
Cauliflowers!
www.villageinnmaine.com
165 High St. Auburn
207-782-7796
Shawn & Trish
Hazelton
Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month
$450/month • 145 Lisbon Street, Lewiston
Private Entrance on Ash St., Steps from Parking Garage
Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.
Allison & Jon
Ayotte
Maine Realty Advisors
FRANK CARR
Your real estate investment advisor
Brokering your buying & selling needs
207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
16
Michael & Bonnie
Worrey
Newly
engaged!
Kristyn Pelletier &
Benjamin Quimby
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 783-7039
John Blanchette
• RISK CONSULTING
• BUSINESS ANALYTICS
You just never
see it coming.
PROTECT YOUR COMPANY WITH THE
RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE
Contact John today at 207-784-9358
• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE
• CLAIMS SUPPORT
www.nfp.com
Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.
(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.
• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT
•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS
Yesterday my husband saw a cockroach in the kitchen and cleaned the room
from top to bottom. Today, I’m moving the cockroach to the bathroom.
Do you think when fish get thrown back in the water after
being caught they swim around yelling about alien abduction?
AUTOS WANTED
Get cash for your used or junk car today. We buy all
cars, trucks, and SUVs. Free pick up.
Call 1-888-985-1806
CARS/TRUCKS WANTED!!! 2002 and Newer! Any Condition.
Running or Not. Competitive Offer! Free Towing!
We’re Nationwide! Call Now: 1-888-416-2330.
EDUCATION
Train online to do medical billing! Become a Medical
Office Professional at CTI! Get trained & certified to
work in months! 888-572-6790. (M-F 8-6 ET)
HEALTH & FITNESS
Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company.
Covers 350 procedures. Real insurance - not a
discount plan. Get your free dental info kit!
1-888-623-3036 www.dental50plus.com/58 #6258
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1-844-863-4478
GENERAC Standby Generators. The weather is increasingly
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FREE 7-year extended warranty ($695 value!) Schedule
FREE in-home assessment. 1-844-334-8353 special
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Eliminate gutter cleaning forever! LeafFilter, most
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Wants to purchase minerals and other oil and gas interests.
Send details to P.O. Box 13557 Denver, CO 80201
True
Potty Training
Confessions
Submitted by Jimbo
My three year-old son
had a lot of problems
with potty training, and
I was on him constantly
about it.
One day, we stopped
at Taco Bell for a
quick lunch between
errands. It was very
busy, with a full dining
room. While enjoying
my taco, I smelled
something funny. So,
of course, I checked
my seven-month-old
daughter. She was
clean.
Then I realized that
Matt had not asked to
go potty in a while, so I
asked him, and he said
“No.”
I kept thinking, “Oh
Lord, that child has
had an accident,” and I
didn’t have any clothes
with me. Then I said,
“Matt, are you sure
you did not have an
accident?”
Continued on next page
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One minute you’re young and fun, and then next
you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 17
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
18
Continued from previous page
“No,” he replied. I just
knew that he must
have, because the
smell was getting
worse.
So I asked one more
time: “Matt, did you
have an accident?”
This time, with a little
smirk on his face, he
jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent
over and yelled, “SEE
MOM, IT’S JUST
GAS!!”
While 100 people
nearly choked to death
on their tacos, he
calmly pulled up his
pants and sat down to
eat his food as if nothing
happened. I was
mortified! But some
kind elderly people
made me feel a lot
better when they came
over and thanked me
for the best laugh they
had ever had.
Like Old
Times
Submitted by Tyla Davis
Steve and Lori were
talking over dinner one
night.
“How come you don’t
act like you did back
when we were dating?”
Lori asked.
So the next evening,
Steve took Lori out to
dinner and a movie
and then dropped
her off at her parents’
house.
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 783-7039
My mom used to feed me alphabet soup claiming I loved it.
I didn’t really. She was just putting words in my mouth.
DON’T KNOW
WHAT TO DO
NEXT? WE DO. ®
WATER FIRE MOLD
For any disaster,
call ServiceMaster!
29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn
(800) 244-7630
(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com
www.smcarpetcleaning.com
My computer eats microchips for snack.
The Fortin Group
Proudly serving the communities of
Lewiston and Auburn for over 100 years.
The cost of living keeps going up.
The cost of your funeral doesn’t have to.
Pre-plan now and your cost will be locked in.
AUBURN
217 Turner Street
207-783-8545
National Anthems are part of the country music genre.
LEWISTON
70 Horton Street
207-784-4584
Some people think that Simon and Garfunkel songs are works of Art.
But they were mostly written by Paul.
THE CHAMPOUX GROUP
CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS
I N S U R A N C E
Locally Owned & Operated Since 1999
Home
Auto
Business
and more!
...Your Security is Our Concern!
We’ve Got
You Covered
Mike Bouley
Personal & Small
Commercial Lines Producer
Direct Line: 207-353-2168
The Champoux
Family welcomes
Mike Bouley to The
Rogers Agency.
Since moving from
mortgage lending
to insurance in
2011, Mike has
gained extensive
experience and
knowledge on the
risks that could
potentially affect
his clients, ensuring
they are properly
protected. Though
he transferred with his company to Florida,
in 2013, there was always a strong desire to
come back to his community to live, work,
and get involved. Mike received his Bachelor
of Science in Business Administration
at Southern New Hampshire University and
holds insurance licenses in Property &
Casualty and Life & Health.
PO Box 369, 38 Main Street, Lisbon Falls 207-353-2168
Out ‘n About
celebrating
Valentines
with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s
Sweethearts Photo Contest
Jim & Marlene Roy
Cheers
to more love in
2021!
I was outbid for a settee on Ebay. So close yet sofa.
Mark Anthony &
Pamela Girardin
WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER
NEW MEMBERS!
The Holy Donut
848 Minot Ave, Auburn
TheHolyDonut.com
John & Dawn
Kenealy
Skies
are brighter
with my
love!
Craft Brew Underground
34 Court St, Auburn
Facebook.com/CBUAuburn
Instagram @craftbrewunderground
Simply Organized Spaces
SimplyOrganizedSpaces.me
SimplyOrganizedSpacesMaine@gmail.com
207-376-7828
415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM
If anyone knows a song about chickpeas, can you hummus a tune please?
John & Diane
Clairmont
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 19
Out ‘n About
celebrating
Valentines
with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s
Sweethearts Photo Contest
Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm it would be justwater.
Out ‘n About celebrating Valentines with Uncle Andy’s Digest
Sweethearts Photo Contest
Our future’s
so bright, we gotta
wear shades!
Adam & Dawn
Theriault
Krystal & Brady
Tanguay
Brenda & Nate
Frost
Brooks & Janet
Beaudoin
Sue Bales &
Brian Harvey
Casey Lyons & Heidi
Goss
Chris & Sue
Kane
Amanda Tibbetts &
Chris Hussey
Christian & Erin
Lemont
Alex Sirois &
Ranissa Berry
Tom & Cindy
Powell
Craig & Jessica
Bouchard
Daniel & Beth
Keough
Dee & Dave
Chapman
Amie & Todd
Sherry
She lights
up my life brighter
than Epcot!
Debbie & Mike
Cleaves
Alton & Debbie
Henderson
Jason Hall & Debra
Rumery
Denise & Jim
Timberlake
Shannon Desrosiers
& Christopher Martin
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
20
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 783-7039
Don & Kathy
Morris
Eric & Tricia
Bowdoin
Heidi & Dieter
Wieland
Herb & Linda
Fillds
My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk.
I don’t mean to brag, but cashiers are always checking me out!
Out ‘n About celebrating Valentines with Uncle Andy’s Digest
Sweethearts Photo Contest
Flower
Delivery
Submitted by Tyla Davis
Lindsay was a receptionist
at an office.
Besides answering the
phones, she greeted
everyone coming into
the office.
Jamie & Matt
Bennett
Joyce & Jeff
Hamilton
Jen Lowell and
Diesel
Joanne & Tibby
Dupuis
It was Valentine’s Day
and there were several
deliveries of flowers for
a lot of the women in
the office.
After the third or fourth
delivery, Lindsay
decided to call her
boyfriend to see if he’d
get the hint.
Josh & Sharma
Breau
Joshua & Kayla
Caron with Daniel
Katreena & Adam
Meserve
Marc & Karen
Rodrigue
“Hi Aaron, you would
not believe the bouquets
coming in
through the door today
for Valentine’s Day.”
“Oh really,” Aaron
replied. “That’s
wonderful!”
Tammy & Marc
Bureau
Michelle Pushard &
David Hinckley
Linda & Mike
Korhonen
Lisa & Mike
Begin
Lindsay, annoyed that
Aaron wasn’t understanding
what she
was hinting at, continued,
“Seriously, you
wouldn’t believe all of
the flower deliveries for
these women. They’re
gorgeous!”
Mike & Wanda
Bolduc
Jeffrey, Lydia, &
Chelsea Briggs
Nevin & Lydia
Rand
Ashlee & Nick
Strout
“Well, then, that’s
probably why they’re
getting flowers in the
first place.”
Nikki Guimond &
Joshua Mello
Rick & Tammy
Stevens
Rob & Laurie
Bosquet
Rod & Pauline
Gagnon
The swordfish has no natural predators to fear... expect the penfish, which is mightier.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 21
Obstacles
Submitted by Jimbo
In ancient times, a King
had a boulder placed
on a roadway.
I, for one, like roman numerals.
Out ‘n About celebrating Valentines with Uncle Andy’s Digest
Sweethearts Photo Contest
Then he hid himself
and watched to see if
anyone would remove
the huge rock.
Some of the king’s
wealthiest merchants
and courtiers came
by and simply walked
around it. Many loudly
blamed the king for
not keeping the roads
clear, but none did anything
about getting the
stone out of the way.
Ron & Katie
Strohl
Emily & Seth
Vincent
Steve & Dee
Caouette
Linda & Steve
Scott
Then a peasant came
along carrying a load of
vegetables. Upon approaching
the boulder,
the peasant laid down
his burden and tried to
move the stone to the
side of the road.
Taffe & Doug
Robbins
Tim & Kristina
Anderson
Mike & Tina
Foster
Bill & Cheryl
Horton
After much pushing
and straining, he finally
succeeded. After the
peasant picked up his
load of vegetables, he
noticed a purse lying
in the road where the
boulder had been.
The purse contained
many gold coins and
a note from the king
indicating that the gold
was for the person who
removed the boulder
from the roadway. The
peasant learned what
many of us never
understand.
Every obstacle presents
an opportunity to
improve our condition.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
22
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 783-7039
Darren & Sue
Brown
Cindy & Ron
Taylor
John Acker & Trisha
Marston
Crystal & Don
Dionne
Jared & Sarah
Legare
Stewart Guilford &
Catie Moran
My frozen pizza says to cook for between 20 and 22 minutes.
I’m no genius, but wouldn’t that be 21 minutes?
Gerry & Dee
Gagne
SWEETHEARTS PHOTO CONTEST
Stay tuned to find out who the winner is...
in the March issue of Uncle Andy’s Digest!
There’s
a whole
lotta love
in LA and
beyond!
I’m about to lose my job as a tire changer. I’d better tread lightly.
Making Memories!
Family Portraits
Last a Lifetime
Now booking winter sessions in studio or on location
Mention this ad for $25 OFF
your print purchase!
www.creativeonesphotography.com or
Call 207-333-9844
Out ‘n About
celebrating
Valentines
with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s
Sweethearts Photo Contest
Steve & Karen
Hughes
Located in Photo Finish in the Auburn Mall
Out ‘n About at Sturdy Hardware
Eric, smile!
I want you to be my
valentine!
Uncle
Andy’s Digest...
the magazine,
the myth, the
legend!
Eric & Amy
Whitten
Tyler Sturtevant Peter Dumond Marc Mailhot
Monday - Saturday 11a-9p
47 Broad Street, Auburn
www.firehouseauburn.com
207-376-4959
HAPPY HOUR
Monday-Friday
2p-5p
WING WEDNESDAY
75¢ OFF
(dine in only)
BURGER MONDAY
$2 OFF
Treat your
Valentine to
dinner and
drinks at
Firehouse!
February Drink
Special
Did you know that you can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely.
Bahama
Mama
$
7
Ashley & Chris
Derosier
Chris & Jackie
Gendron
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 23
The Lord’s
Work
Submitted by Steve Simard
A friend was in front
of me coming out of
church one day at the
end of the service. The
pastor was standing in
the doorway shaking
hands and greeting
parishioners as they
left the service.
The pastor grabbed
my friend by the hand
and pulled him aside.
OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES
POLLY’S VARIETY
115 King Street • Oxford
CALL AHEAD
FOR ORDERS!
Take out window available
Voted one of
Maine’s Best
Pizza Places!
2016 WMTW
Facebook Fan poll
207-539-8254
www.pollysvariety.com
No More Crackers
Polly W ants Pizza
Pizza Ham Italian Special Steak Bomb
February
Special
6" Steak
Bomb
$7 .99
Expires
02/28/2021
Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm
The pastor said to him,
“You need to join the
Army of the Lord!”
My friend replied, “I’m
already in the Army of
the Lord, Pastor.”
Pastor questioned,
“How come I don’t see
you except at Christmas
and Easter?”
He whispered back,
“I’m in the secret
service.”
Stephen King has a son named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is.
WE’RE HERE WITH GREAT DEALS!
• VIDEOS, GAMES
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• TOOLS
• ICE FISHING SUPPLIES
TRADIN’
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BUY • SELL • TRADE
PAWN
Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer
1447 Main Street, Oxford
Only 25 Minutes from
Auburn & Gray
• & MUCH MORE!
BUYING
GUNS!
Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm
207-743-0709 or
1-877-743-0709
Gun Background Checks/Transfers
Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each
I’ve just replaced my car engine with the motor from my washing machine. I’m gonna take it for a spin later.
OFFERING
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Clean Outs
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CALL OF THE WILD
RV CENTER
848 Main Street, Oxford
207-539-4410
www.callofthewildrv.com
OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES
Protection for
your pride and joy
HAPPY VALENTINE’S BIRTHDAY
JENNIFER WHITE!
Love,
Mom
Justin Campbell, Agent
1570 Main Street Suite 2A
Oxford, ME 04270
Bus: 207-539-5095
www.oxfordhillsinsurance.com
For the family you’d do
anything for, life insurance
could mean everything. I can
help you find easy, affordable
ways to protect their future.
Call me today.
Like a good neighbor,
State Farm is there. ®
State Farm Life Insurance Company (Not licensed
in MA, NY or WI)
State Farm Life and Accident Assurance Company
(Licensed in NY and WI)
Bloomington, IL
2001571
Out ‘n About celebrating Valentines
with Uncle Andy’s Digest
Sweethearts Photo Contest
We have volunteer opportunities in
Androscoggin, Oxford, and Franklin counties
• Meals on Wheels (delivery & kitchen assistance)
• Administrative Support
• Virtual Educational Class Presentations
• Other Client Services
We’re
looking for
volunteers!
FMI, contact us at
volunteerservices@seniorsplus.org or call 207-795-4010
Travis & Tracie Dubois
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn’t even apply for a job there.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 25
A Whole
Lotta Bull
Submitted by Tyla Davis
A farmer out in his field
one day was observing
his cattle. He had them
divided by a fence,
bulls on one side and
cows on the other.
As he watched them
he noticed that when
ever a strong wind
occurred all the cows
would fall over while
the bulls would just
teeter a bit but remain
upright.
The farmer finally
approached the bulls
and asked, “How come
when there’s a strong
wind the cows over
there fall down and
you don’t?”
The bull looked at him
and replied, “Because,
we bulls wobble but we
don’t fall down.”
“Siri, why do I have such problems with my relationships with women?”
“This is Alexa.”
Roy’s FOODLAND
WEEKLY SPECIALS AT ROY’S
Saturday Bean Special
Beans, Bread/Rolls & Cole Slaw, $8.99
Wednesday Italian Special
Ham, Salami, Veggie or Pepperoni, $2.29
Pizza Pack Special
Pizza Packs only $ 8.99 • 2lb Pepperoni Pks only $ 5.99
What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?
Real People.
Really Great Service.
We’re the People Behind Payroll.
⅛ Payroll Processing
⅛ Time & Attendance Solutions
⅛ Worker’s Comp Pay-As-You-Go
Call us today.
Try our Teres Major Steaks on the Grill!
(comparable to filet mignon)
Come in to
check out
our daily
specials!
Hours:
Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm
Fri. 8am - 7pm
Sat. 8am - 6pm
Don’t forget your chicken salad, “best in town” or ham salad! Sun. closed
70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 • www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com
800-734-6880
PAYROLLMGT.COM
Someone just called me. They sneezed and then hung up. I’m getting sick of these cold calls!
MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.
Certified Public Accountant
Tax Planning & Preparation
for Individuals and Business
207.782.1040 • PO Box 895, Auburn, ME 04212
mspaulding.androstax@outlook.com
Poisson & Sons Auto Care
260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144
FULL SERVICE GAS STATION
February 2021
Stickers
are due!
ARE YOU READY?!
Car Care Tips
Check lights, maintain battery & coolants, top
off gas & washer fluid, check tire pressure.
Remember your Winter Emergency Kit!
Be ready for
inclement weather!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
26 Feb. 2021 783-7039
Do you know what makes restaurants so romantic? Me n U.
My son asked to go to the 50 cent concert.
So I gave him a dollar and told him to take his sister.
NOW OFFERING
BREAKFAST SATURDAYS
& SUNDAYS!
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Valentines
with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s
Sweethearts Photo Contest
Scan here
for our
menu!
Wednesday: 11am-3pm
Thursday: 11am-8pm
Friday: 11am-9pm
Saturday: 7am-9pm
Sunday: 7am-3pm
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston
207-333-5062 • www.stationgrillrestaurant.com
Bring your
valentine for
date night!
Download
our app for
takeout and
delivery!
Pool/Darts/Cornhole
Great food & drinks!
Tuesday - Saturday: 4pm-9pm
POOL TABLE
RENTALS
$5/person from 4-7p
$10/hour from 7-9p
Covid guidelines being followed
551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston
207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com
I just replaced the bathroom air freshener with an air horn. Now we wait...
Maria Carbone &
Jesse Burlock
I’ll carry
you in my heart
forever!
Corey Henderson
& Chantel Hould
10 years
together!
Josie French &
Steve Sidelinger
Scott & Michelle
Mason
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 27
BUSINESS
SP TLIGHT
Business Trip
Submitted by Steve Simard
Tyla, Stephanie, and
Katie are tired after
traveling to a convention
all day and checking
into a hotel.
When they get to the
reception desk, they
find out they have to
walk up 75 flights of
stairs to their room
because the elevator is
out of order.
Call today for a quote!
207-754-2519
seatailor.ctaylor@gmail.com
Fully Insured
Specializing in foreign
vehicles & diesels
1073 Sabattus Street
Lewiston
207-240-7060
ASE Certified
Full service pet spa
LEGGINGS
2 pair for $20
with this ad!
Expires:
02/28/2021
120 Center Street, Auburn
207-241-0125
Meraki1921.com
Tyla suggests that they
do something interesting
to pass the time
while they walk the 75
flights.
“How about I tell
jokes; Stephanie, you
can sing songs; and
Katie, you can tell sad
stories. We’ll each do
our part for 1/3 of the
climb,” Tyla said.
So, Tyla tells jokes for
25 flights, Stephanie
sings her heart out for
25 flights and Katie
tells sad stories. After
24 flights, the stories
ended though.
When they reached the
75th floor Katie tells
the saddest story of all,
“Ladies, I left our room
key at the reception
desk.”
Website Development
Facebook Marketing
socialmanas.com
A FAMILY OWNED BUSINESS SINCE 2004
Tile & grout, area rugs,
Tile & grout, area rugs, pet odor removal
Environmentally friendly, dries in 1 hour
pet Safe odor for children removal
& pets
207-783-9073
Environmentally friendly,
dries in 1 hour
Safe for children and pets
207-783-9073
healthyhomesclean.com
Find us on Facebook!
207-739-9445
550 Lisbon St. Lewiston
207-713-4786
DIY CRAFTING
CLASSES!
Sign up now!
See our website for
workshop times and classes
www.creativeartisansofmaine.com
Please
remember
to give your
love to our
family of
advertisers!
Out ‘n About at Raceline Motors
Alex Hawthorne Luis Alberto Tyler Higgins
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
28 Feb. 2021 783-7039
When my iMac lost its shoe, I rebooted it.
BUSINESS
SP TLIGHT
Charles Hamel
Charles Hamel Owner/Manager
Charles Hamel
Owner/Manager
Charles Charles Owner/Manager
Hamel Hamel
207.782.WASH (9274)
Owner/Manager Owner/Manager DAVIS PT
207.782.WASH (9274) charliehamel@SqueegeeSquad.com
A Balanced Approach
charliehamel@SqueegeeSquad.com
207.782.WASH (9274)
207.782.WASH (9274)
charliehamel@SqueegeeSquad.com
207.782.WASH charliehamel@SqueegeeSquad.com (9274)
Of Maine
charliehamel@SqueegeeSquad.com
Of Maine Your A Mindful
Of Neighborhood Maine Window Cleaners ®
Neighborhood Your Neighborhood Window Of Maine Cleaners Window Cleaners Eye OT
® ®
160 Vickery Road
Your Window Neighborhood Washing, Phone Pressure Window 207.782.WASH
Washing Cleaners
160 Vickery Phone 207.782.WASH 160 Vickery RoadAuburn, ME 04210
Your Neighborhood Window Cleaners ®
& Soft Washing, Gutter Cleaning, & Auburn, 207-333-5022
ME 04210
one 207.782.WASH
®
Chandelier/Ceiling SqueegeeSquad.com
Fan Cleaning Auburn, ME 04210
20 Pleasant Mountain View
SqueegeeSquad.com
kaytdavispt@gmail.com
160 Vickery Road
Phone 207.782.WASH 160 Auburn, Vickery ME 04210 Road
West Paris
SqueegeeSquad.com
Phone 207.782.WASH Therapy in the home.
Auburn, ME 04210
Most insurances accepted. CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT!
SqueegeeSquad.com
SqueegeeSquad.com
207-782-7141
Delicious pizza &
friendly customer service
New
centrifuge
area rug
cleaning!
&
• Carpets
• Wood Floors
• Tile & Grout
• Water Damage Drying
Commercial & Residential
Call Today!
(207) 783-2933
the
Shear Elegance
salon
Come Experience
the Difference
207.358.8109 • auburn mall
www.theshearelegancesalon.com
Out ‘n About
celebrating
Valentines
with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s
Sweethearts Photo Contest
Daniel & Bonnie
Jarmuzek
We love the
outdoors together!
Out ‘n About in the Digest in the 2011 archives
Reminiscing through our 25 years!
Melissa & Robert
Midura
Mike Roy, Roy’s Foodland
Joe Adkins, Smile Again Dentures
Paula & Kevin Glatz
Terri Cook
Becky & Derick
Poland
I think I broke my ankle when I tripped over the Kleenex box.
But the doctor said there was only tissue damage.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 29
Sales
Training
Submitted by
Jonathan Richards
I was in a job interview
today. The interviewing
manager handed me
his laptop and said, “I
want you to try and sell
this to me.”
I played Scrabble with my wife last night. It was the only way I could get a word in.
HOME OWNERSHIP MADE SIMPLE
Whether you’re looking to buy, sell, or build a home,
our team works with you every step of the way!
So I put the laptop
under my arm, walked
out of the building, and
went home.
Eventually he called
my cell phone and
said, “Bring it back
here right now!”
Jon Mercier
Owner/Broker
Mark Turner
Owner/Broker
Toni Ferraro
Broker
Brandon Caruso
Associate Broker
Deb Morin
Associate Broker
Zach Caldwell
Sales Agent
Linda Dupuis
Broker
Regina Ritchie
Associate Broker/
Administrator
I said, “$1,200 and it’s
yours.”
I start on Monday.
mainesourcehomes.com
207.333.6001
259 Minot Avenue, Auburn
I saw a bag of soil on the clearance rack today. I couldn’t help but thinking it was dirt cheap.
Show The Love
Georgio’s, your sweetheart headquarters
Donuts
Whoopie Pies,
Cannolis, Cupcakes,
& more!
Love
always
wins!
Any large 1-topping pizza
ONLY $10 .00
(Save $3)
Comes with cheese - add your choice of topping
Open daily 7am-7pm
740 Minot Avenue, Auburn
GEORGIO ♥ S
Locally owned & operated
783-2981 • mygeorgiosme.com
Serving L/A & beyond since 1950!
Uncle Andy’s Digest...with
Jimbo
30 Feb. 2021 783-7039
The dolphin joined the Navy to find his sense of porpoise.
Apparently, RSVPing to a wedding with, “maybe next time,” wasn’t the best response.
Eligible for Medicare?
CALL US TODAY
to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.
30+
Years of
Experience!
Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston
Out ‘n About
celebrating
Valentines
with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s
Sweethearts Photo Contest
36 years
ago when we got
married, the top song of
the year was “Say You”
by Lionel Richie!
Clint & Laurie
Knowlton
Androscoggin County’s Premier
Title & Escrow Closing Headquarters
Your Title Company
Since 1987
John & Wanda
Bateman
• Title Insurance
• Abstracting
• Escrow Closing Service
• 1031 Exchanges
• For Sale by Owner
• Title Certificates
• Construction
Disbursements
Bill Skelton
Attorney
95 Main Street, Auburn | 207-784-6413 | generalmail@androtitle.com
A place the whole family will LOVE!
LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!
Mallory & Steve
Marks
Make your
reservation
now!
40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com
Apples settle their legal disputes in a court of a peels.
Dustin & Lindsey
Brown
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 31
CALL THE PROS
BEFORE
VALENTINE’S DAY... We’ve got you covered!
Online gift certificates available
Full Service Repair Facility
COMPLETE
MECHANICAL REPAIR
25 Fern Street, Turner, Maine
(207) 225-5012
www.dickautobody.com
AFTER
PROTECT YOUR
INVESTMENT
PROFESSIONAL
UNDERCOATING
229 Center Street, Auburn
(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com
Mon., Wed., Fri. 11a-7p • Thu. 9a-7p • Sat. 12p-5p
LET’S TALK CHICKEN
WE OFFER
FRESH & FROZEN
• Chicken Breast
• Tenderloin
• Wings
• Legs
• Thighs
• Drumsticks
• Fryers
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• Bones
• Backs
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• Gizzards
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• Paws
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• All Natural
• Halal
NEL MORIN
Prime Source Foods
207-579-4454
nelm@primesourcefoods.biz
Open daily
8am to 4pm
Coach Terry’s
REDEMPTION CENTER
Looking for some extra cash
to spoil your valentine?
CASH
FOR
BOTTLES
207-225-2008
8 Tidswell Road, Turner
Building or Remodeling?
Too many decisions to make?
A one-hour interior design consultation might help!
Call Stef
Today!
We can offer to help with:
• Paint Colors
• Fixtures & Finishes
• Room Layout
207-200-6507
refresh207.com
QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR SWEETHEART
Learn to shoot together safely and responsibly
at Maine’s largest firearms training school.
NRA and USCCA
Certified Instruction
• CC Permit
• Basic
• Advanced
Don Mailhot
207-576-5131 • rdtacticalhandgun.com
481 Maine Street, Poland Spring
WEBSITES THAT WORK
Design. Build. Brand. Market.
www.MaineWeb.co
Unlimited Wash Combos
Combo #2
24 .95
$
24 per
Combo #3
includes:
.95
month
.95
$ 29 .95
per month
exterior wash,
underbody, &
poly sealant
includes: exterior
wash, underbody,
rust inhibitor, wheel
brite, tire shine, &
wax
7 Lincoln St. Lewiston
207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
32 Feb. 2021 783-7039
I’ve been telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.
It’s all about raisin awareness.
CALL THE PROS
marcositalian.com
Offering:
REDEMPTION CENTER
6 Quiet dining
on all 5¢ returns
Safe distancing parties
¢ with this coupon.
Take out
(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)
Delivery
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place
Open 11am-7:30pm
Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm
(closed Major Holidays) UAD exp. 2.28.21 12 Mollison Way, Lewiston
12 MOLLISON WAY, LEWISTON | 783-0336
YOUR ICE FISHING HEADQUARTERS
Bring in this coupon to receive
$
5
in Sturdy Bucks
Expires 2/28/2021
• Traps & Tip-ups
• Skimmers
• Lures
• Heaters
186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • (207) 375-6253
Parts (used & new) • Towing
Auto Recycling • Sales • Service
CALL FOR DETAILS!
448 County Road, Turner
We Have
Southern
Rust Free
Truck
Beds!
Your trusted, nonprofit resource
for assistance and information
Fill the Plate Breakfast to benefit Meals on Wheels
Friday, March 19. A virtual event featuring poet
Richard Blanco. $20 per person. Info/tickets at
seniorsplus.org/march-for-meals or 795-4010.
TEAM
KENNAGH
Shelley Kennagh
Loan Officer / NMLS 532306
(207) 890-4942
skennagh@cmgfi.com
Contact me for all of your home loan needs!
FULL COLOR DIGITAL PRINTING
Posters • Booklets
Carbonless forms • Envelopes
Business Cards & More!
60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com
Here’s a question for the mind readers out there:
February is the
Month of Love
Make Music Your Passion!
Main Street Music Lessons
33 Dunn Street, Auburn
www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com
LA’S #1 STOP
FOR ALL YOUR
MUSIC NEEDS!
Lessons
Repairs
Sales
Rentals
Welcoming new
students for online and
in person lessons!
207-376-3376
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 33
CALL THE PROS
Convert Your Home Videos to DVD!
Free $10 gift card when
you use this service!
One gift card per customer. Exp. 3/1/21
Auburn Mall • 207-783-3354
Want to do something
for your other half?
Let me clean up your act!
FARRELL
ENTERPRISES
BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED
Trash • Metals • Demolition • & More!
Michael Farrell
207-576-2501
Fully Insured
Office, Restaurant, & Light
Industrial Cleaning Services
Mike Magretto
Veteran Owned & Operated
EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890
RON’S
YOUR FULL SERVICE REPAIR FACILITY
OIL CHANGES • SHOCKS • STRUTS • INSPECTIONS
515 Gardiner Rd. Wales
Call us
today!
Ron Charpentier, Jr.
owner
375-4924
Download
our App!
Now that that’s
over, I’m taking a
SCUBA
CLASS!
95 Lincoln Street, Lewiston
(207) 786-2020
lewistonhouseofpizza.net
$
1.00 off
any large pizza
Not Valid on Delivery Expires 2/28/2021
Barclay’s
Skindiver’s Paradise
805 Main Street, Lewiston
784-7300
skindiversparadise.net
SHOW YOUR LOVE WITH A FIREARM
HUGE SELECTION OF
GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES
Fine Line
Gun Shop
(207) 998-2374
590 Plains Rd., Poland
EST
1950
We’re
Open by
Appointment
Booth Rentals
Available
783-3444
54 Mill Street
New Auburn
OPEN:
Tues-Fri
7:30a-5:30p
Sat 7:30a-2p
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
34 Feb. 2021 783-7039
Mashed potatoes on Pringles are still potato chips.
CALL THE PROS
Your Valentine Will Love What We Have!
COOKED FRESH DAILY
Cashews
Almonds
Mixed Nuts
& More!
Needhams
Candy Bars
Novelties
& MORE!
M orris & Sons
• Remodeling Additions
• Roofing & Siding
• New Construction
• Commercial/Residential
Call us
for an
estimate!
Hours: Tues, Wed, Thurs 9a-5p; Fri 9a-3p
557 Lincoln Rd, Lewiston • 207-783-1731 • BobsPeanuts.com
207-212-8228 Fully Insured
Out ‘n About in the Digest in the 2011 archives. Reminiscing through our 25 years!
Jon Mercier, Maine Source Homes
Trevor Laliberte
Darren Finnegan
Looks Delicious, Doesn’t It?
Try our Philly Wrap with fries & coleslaw
Take Out
Available!
Bring dinner
home for your
valentine!
Monday-Wednesday: 11am - 7pm
Thursday-Saturday: 11am - 8pm
Sunday: 11am - 5pm
207-782-2135 Auburn Mall
DAILY SPECIALS
MONDAY
75¢ Wings
Cheeseburger Special $6.99
Cincinnati Spaghetti $7.99
25oz domestic drafts $4.00
TUESDAY
75¢ Wings
Fried Pickle Basket $4.99
Thatcher’s Burger $7.99
25oz domestic drafts $4.00
WEDNESDAY
3 Beef Tacos $5.99
Thatcher’s Burrito $6.99
Well Margaritas $5 • Coronas $3
THURSDAY
Stuffed Peppers $7.99
Buffalo Chicken Salad $10.99
All Microbrews $4.00
FRIDAY
Clam Cake Basket $6.99
Fish & Chips $11.99
Teriyaki Tips w/mashed $12.99
SATURDAY
Fried Scallops $14.99
2 Hot Dogs w/fries $5.99
Miller Lite Bottles $2.50
SUNDAY
12” Cheese Pizza $6.99
Bloody Mary’s $6
Domestic Light/Lite Drafts $2.50
Communication
is Key
Submitted by Lisa
Vasiliauskas Lally
My wife and I are
sitting on the couch
watching TV. I hear my
phone buzz, indicating
that I had a new text
message.
Realizing I left my
phone in the kitchen,
I get up and go to the
kitchen to check it.
It’s a text from my wife:
Please bring the chips
on your way back.
The sun is able to produce nitrogen because of daytrogen.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 35
Out ‘n About
celebrating
Valentines
with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s
Sweethearts Photo Contest
You are the
apple of my eye!
Fred & Heidi
Strout
Goofball!
65%
I needed a car I couldn’t get lost in. So I bought myself a new Nissan Pathfinder.
Readers who frequently purchase products or
services from ads seen in Uncle Andy’s Digest:
The Survey sa
Choose
80.8%
a proven partner. Choose
Average Age
22,000 Mon
MARKETING DOESN’T N
Readers who frequently purchase products or or
services from ads seen in in Uncle Andy’s Digest:
Our readership study results*
48%
*Method to our Madness: Our demographic study was conducted using the C
audits 3,700 publications nationwide, audited our magazine (reviewed the prin
The CVC surveyed Uncle Andy’s Digest readers in the primary market areas ind
available upon request.
Here’s what
Average Me
22,000 Month
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
36
Stacey & Capan
LeClair
Steven & Kailee
Farrington
We are
celebrating nine
years of marriage
right after Valentine’s
Day!
Brittany & Jamie
Robbins
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 783-7039
80.8%
25-64
College Educated
Average Age
65%
25-64
College Educated
I just got the U2 version of Monopoly.
It’s like regular Monopoly, but the streets have no name.
What is Your an
48%
$35-49,999
$50-74,999
Towns / Cities w
$75-99,999
Average Media
Auburn, Buckfield, B
Greene, $100-124,999 Leeds, Lew
Lisbon Falls, Mecha
0 5
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*Method to our Madness: Our demographic study was conducted using the Certification Verification Cou
audits 3,700 publications nationwide, audited our magazine (reviewed the printing, distribution, circulation
The CVC surveyed Uncle Andy’s Digest readers in the primary market areas indicated $75-99,999
in the publications C
available upon request.
65%
$100-124,999
11
0 0 5 5
$
11%
$75-99,999
24.7%
$100-124,999 I 11% made a hiking playlist 17% on my iPod. It has songs from
The Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem. It’s my Trail Mix.
0 5 10 15 20 25 30
ys... Survey says...
Readers who frequently purchase products or
services from ads seen in Uncle Andy’s Digest:
Uncle
Our readership
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study
Here’s
results*
why...
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ertification Verification Council (CVC), a third party company, who
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EED TO BE DIFFICULT
we learned
rchase products or
cle Andy’s Digest:
hly Readers
Our
Distribution
Area
10 15 20 25 30
20%
22,000 Monthly Readers
Average Age
It’s a
Mystery
Submitted by Steve Simard
22,000 Monthly R
A man had a ticket for
a mystery dinner theater
performance. He
had been waiting for
this show for months!
48% 5
Much to his dismay,
when he got to the
venue, the usher sat
him towards the back
of the room. The man
could barely see the
stage from where he
was sitting.
Average Median Ho
The man motioned for
0.8%
the usher to come see
25-64
him.
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48% 52%
whispered, “but I’m so
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far away that I can’t
52%
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to move towards the
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$35-49,999
18%
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of the second row. The
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man promptly placed a
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27%
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24.7% Contact available upon request. us TODAY! $1.00 bill in his hand
0 5 10 15 20 25 30
%
17%
and leaned down to
207-783-7039 | UncleAndys.com whisper to the man.
“The butler did it.”
I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 37
Final Exams
Submitted by Tyla Davis
A college student
stayed up late studying
for his zoology exam
the next day. As he
entered the classroom,
he saw 10 stands,
each with one bird
perched on it.
The birds heads were
covered with paper
sacks, and only their
legs showed.
Why do ballerinas have to stand on their tiptoes? Why don’t they just get taller dancers?
Moving two miles
up the road!
10 Memorial Drive,
Lisbon
The professor announced
that the test
would consist of looking
at each bird’s legs
and determining the
bird’s common name,
habitat, and genus.
The student looked at
the legs, but they all
looked the same to
him. He closely examined
each bird for what
seemed like hours.
The more he looked,
the angrier he got.
Finally, he marched to
his professor’s desk
and exclaimed, “What
a stupid test! Nobody
can tell the difference
between birds by looking
at their legs!” The
student threw his test
on the teacher’s desk.
The laziest mountain in the world is Mt. Everest.
Out ‘n About in the Digest in the 2011 archives.
Reminiscing through our 25 years!
“Young man! How dare
you behave that way
in my classroom?”
the teacher bellowed,
“What is your name?”
The student lifted
up his pant legs and
yelled, “You guess,
buddy! You guess!”
BJ Grondin
Prime360
Jeff Martin
ServiceMaster
Dustin Carrier,
Carrier Landscaping
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
38 Feb. 2021 783-7039
Muffins spelled backwards is what I do after I take them out of the oven.
Love, like wine,
gets better with time
Fall head over heels in love with our
impressive selection of spirits,
competitively-priced beer, wine,
mixers, and hard-to-find favorites.
Stock up at any one of our SIX convenience package stores
Auburn
545 Minot Avenue - 783-2047
301 Main Street 783-9098
Lewiston
686 Main Street - 344-1200
794 Sabattus Street - 783-6353
1420 Lisbon Street - 333-3095
Oxford
980 Main Street - 539-6072
Home of the Two Year Warranty on all parts & labor*
*restrictions apply
we are the authorized
krown rust protection
facility!
Protect. Maintain. Save.
Complete undercarriage
protection. Protects
from the inside out.
23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100
60 Depot Street, Buckfield
207-595-8842
• Foundations
• Septic Systems
• Lot Clearing
• Driveways
• Sand & Gravel
• Demolition
Loving is not looking at each other. It’s looking in the same direction.
SHARE YOUR SMILE
Let our dedicated dental professionals help you
achieve a smile you can be proud of!
Schedule your
appointment
with Dr. Chen
today!
207-783-1351
844-DOC-CHEN
730 Center St. Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza
auburndentalfamily.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
40 Feb. 2021 783-7039
UncleAndysDigest.com
Jimbo