Uncle Andy's Digest - February 2021

uncleandys

We are still celebrating our 25th anniversary in print ! The Digest delivers laughs, facts, and fun! See Out 'n Abouts from our Sweethearts Photo Contest! We also continue with photos from the Digest archives!

Have your family roaring with laughter this Valentine's Day with our hilarious jokes and one-liners!

Continue to use the Digest as your guide to all things LA and beyond! Support Local Business!

UNCLE

ANDY’S

DIGEST SINCE

Celebrating

Years

FEBRUARY

2021

1996

YOU’LL FALL IN LOVE WITH OUR AUTO LOAN RATES!

Friendly, Personal Service

for all your financial needs!

Great Falls

Federal Credit Union

www.GreatFallsfcu.com

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192

760 Minot Ave., Auburn • 753-0500

*Annual Percentage Rate. Rates beginning at/qualifications restrictions apply

DAILY, WEEKLY, & MONTHLY

RENTALS AVAILABLE!

For details, call Ryan Kennard

207-346-0279

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.

Whited Equipment Co. is your

New Factory Authorized Hyundai

Construction Equipment dealer

for Central & Southern Maine.

New & used available!

Sales • Lease • Rentals

Parts & Service

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

207-782-7113

Get Your FREE

Quote Today!

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 1


Happy Valentine’s Day to all the couples out there!

Happy Independence Day to all the single folks out there!

DEEP CLEAN

JANITORIAL SERVICES

www.deepcleanjs.com

deepcleanjs@yahoo.com

10% REFERRAL BONUS

Know someone searching for a new cleaning company?

Mention this ad to them and we will pay you 10% of their full invoice when they hire us!

PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY

Excellence in commercial cleaning &

janitorial services when you choose

Deep Clean Janitorial Services

207-712-2765

Commercial/Office

Construction Sites

Apartment Turnovers

Floors/Tile/Carpets

COVID-19:

Disinfecting services to help keep your

employees and customers safe.

Your Vision. Our Expertise.

Kitchens, Baths, Decks & More!

• Windows/Doors

• Siding

• Custom Tile

• Lead Certified

• VA Special Adaptive Housing

• Handicap Accessible Projects

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

According to the meteorologist, we’re in for a bad spell of wether.


Buzz Aldrin was the second man on the moon. Neil before him.

Out ‘n About at

Coach Terry’s

Redemption Center

Devin Corliss

I’m headed

to a recycling

party this weekend.

Everyone has to

bring a bottle.

Savannah Corliss

Coach Terry’s

the name,

redemption is

my game.

Angelo Terreri

Of all the things I learned in school, trying to avoid cooties

is the last thing I thought I’d need in adulthood.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 3


Uncle Andy’s Digest

is published by the first

Friday of every month by

Maine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with its world

headquarters located at

9 Grove Street, Auburn,

Maine, USA.

Published and distributed

since 1996 throughout

Central Maine and mailed to

subscribers all over the Free

World. Subscriptions are

$36/year.

UncleAndysDigest.com

Office: 207-783-7039

UAD Super Heroes

For Valentine’s Day, I’m giving my wife a selfie photo inside a pistachio.

That’s me in a nutshell.

Smile in

Comfort

CAPTAIN

JIMBO

WONDER

WOMAN

TYLA

BATGIRL

STEPHANIE

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

801 Webster Street, Lewiston • smileagaindentures@gmail.com

SmileAgainDentures.com

514-0660

All work done on-site.

Repairs usually same day service!

Like our

name implies,

we’ll make you

SMILE

AGAIN

SUPERGIRL

KATIE

IRONSIDES

STEVE

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries

very hard to ensure the accuracy

of the information in our clients’

advertisements and our publication

in general, we are not responsible

for vendor availability, typographical

errors, technical inaccuracies, product

pricing errors, or omissions.

Joe & Mike

Adkins

Licensed

Denturists

Call us today for:

• Full Dentures

• Immediate Dentures

Joe & Mike

• Partial Adkins Dentures

Licensed

Denturists

• Rebases

• Relines

• Repairs

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

4 Feb. 2021 783-7039

I turned down a job at the farmer’s market because the celery was unacceptable.


I once highjacked a submarine so I could get to the bottom of things.

Licensed & Insured

Southern to Central Maine

• Design & Build

• Installation

• Service

Out ‘n About at

Coach Terry’s

Redemption Center

I don’t

understand why

some people don’t

recycle. Why would

you buy a bike and

only ride it

once?

OUR DIFFERENCE?

It’s in our core beliefs

2085 Lisbon Rd., Ste. 7, Lewiston

207-795-7800

regionalelectric.com

Elaine Terreri

I’m young at heart and slightly older in other places.

MAIN STREET MARKET

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502

MONDAY

Ham Italians

Sm $1.99 Lg. $2.99

WEDNESDAY

Chicken Salad

Sm $2.49 Lg. $3.99

FRIDAY

Tuna Italian

Sm $2.49 Lg. $3.99

SUNDAY

$2.00 OFF

Any large pizza

Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week

TUESDAY

Small 1-topping Pizza

10" pizza $3.99

THURSDAY

Bowl of Chili

$3.99

B.L.T.

Sm. $2.49

Lg. $3.99

SATURDAY

Baked Beans

Pint $2.99 Quart $3.99

Full beans ’n franks meal $8.59

Breakfast Sandwiches $1.99

Hash browns 2/$1.00

Coffee all sizes $0.99

We accept cash, checks,

major credit/debit cards, & EBT

I went to a vegan restaurant last night. When the waiter asked me how my meal was

I told him to give my compliments to the gardener.

Lost Ticket

Submitted by Jimbo

Albert Einstein was

recognized as the

original absent-minded

professor. One day,

on board a train, he

was unable to find his

ticket. The conductor

said, “Take it easy.

You’ll find it.”

When the conductor

returned, Einstein still

couldn’t find the ticket.

The conductor, recognizing

the famous scientist,

said, “I’m sure

you bought a ticket.

Forget about it.”

“You’re very kind,”

Einstein said, “but I

must find it, otherwise

I won’t know where to

get off.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 5


All the good chemistry jokes argon.

Out ‘n About celebrating Valentines

with Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sweethearts Photo Contest

Love, hope, success, family, security.

Some things we all have in common.

There’s nobody like me to protect the things

we all value.

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.®

CALL ME TODAY.

Heather & Tom Printup

A Day

of Rest

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Fred called up his

buddy, Ben, one day to

try to make plans.

“Hey, what are you

doing today? Do you

want to go to Roy’s

All Steak for lunch?”

asked Fred.

“I’m not doing a thing

today. I’m going to take

a day to rest,” replied

Ben.

Start your

day right

with a

great

breakfast!

BREAKFAST SPECIALS

includes coffee or small beverage

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

$6.95

2 eggs, sausage, home fries & toast

2 eggs, corned beef hash & toast

3 blueberry pancakes

French Toast

2 item omelet & toast

2 golden pancakes & sausage

French Crepes

5 Washington St. Auburn

Mon. - Fri. 5am - 8pm

Sat. & Sun. 6am - 8pm

783-4304

Phone orders are welcome

$

1 OFF

any purchase

of $ 6 .00 or more

1 coupon per order

Please, no reproduction

of coupons

expires 2.28.21

“Didn’t you do that yesterday?”

asked Fred.

“I wasn’t finished.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

6

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 783-7039

Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily! You won’t go hungry at

Serving LA for more than 30 Years!

Some guy asked me if I had a date for Valentine’s Day.

Of course I do – it’s February 14th.


Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love, and got married.

Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy. The reception, however, was excellent.

Out ‘n About

celebrating

Valentines

with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s

Sweethearts Photo Contest

We’re

getting married

this summer!

Andrea Aube &

Matt Brooks

Todd Arsenault &

Jane Hinkley

Our love is

so strong, we grew

teddy bear ears!

The Chapman House has private rooms available

for residents, aged 65 and older, that need

assistance with bathing, medications, and meals.

We provide a warm and

comfortable home for our residents

41 Pleasant Street

Auburn

207-783-0961

Rosemary Camire Knight

I’m such a bad swimmer I almost drowned on a pool table once.

Jill & Warren

Libby

Bill & Tammy

Robbins

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 7


Out ‘n About at

MEDCo

I love Valentine’s Day when I get to make cupcakes for that special someone.

And that special someone is me.

Hooray

on 25 years

to Jimbo and the

Digest team! We’re

proud to be part of

your advertising

family!

Alex McMahan

Owner

These

t-shirts are

awesome!

Golf is the only game where being subpar is a good thing.

Devin Michaud

Cortney Sequin

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

We Are Standing Strong!

William J. Rogers Post 153 will abide

by COVID-19 executive orders from the

Governor and guidelines set forth by the

CDC, DHHS, & DECD.

Our staff and volunteers will take

necessary precautions to ensure safety

for all. We ask that you follow safety

guidelines as well. MASKS ARE

REQUIRED - PLEASE WEAR YOUR

MASKS WHENEVER POSSIBLE.

PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING.

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more information

207-782-1118

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118

Members & Guests Welcome

NOTICE: The William J. Rogers post will be open

Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays from 12p-6p,

Saturdays from 12p-7p, and Sundays from 11a-6p.

FEBRUARY DINNERS TO GO/CURBSIDE PICKUP

All February Dinners are from 4:30p-6:30p

Limited seating available - help us by calling ahead for your orders.

9am-12pm, 207-312-8284 12pm-4pm, 207-212-1466

Ask about our drink specials!

SATURDAY, FEB. 6 TH : Roast pork loin w/mashed potato & gravy,

veggies, salad, & roll. $10.00

SATURDAY, FEB. 13 TH : Valentines Dinner $15.00 (call to order in advance)

Prime rib w/mashed potato, veggies, salad, & roll

SATURDAY, FEB. 20 TH : Lobster roll w/fries & coleslaw. $10.00

SATURDAY, FEB. 27 TH : Beef stew dinner, salad, & roll. $10.00

MONTHLY MEETING

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 17 TH

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM

GENERAL MEETING, 7PM

Bloody Mary Sundays by Kevin!

11am-6pm

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to COVID-19/Coronavirus, all activities

are subject to change. Follow us on Facebook page for updates.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

8 Feb. 2021 783-7039

Don’t be worried about your smartphone and tv spying on you.

Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.


HAS IT ALL

This special

was so successful

we’re doing it

again in

February!

Medium (12")

1-topping

Pizza

Only

$

10

excludes specialty toppings

Your one-stop shop for:

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)

• Agency liquor store with beer cave

• Lottery tickets

• Redemption center

Full serve catering at the

location of your choice.

Book Your

2021

Events Now!

207-345-9009

DadsPlaceCatering.com

207-345-5551

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

Catering

Dad’s Redemption Center

6¢ a

bottle for

Make-A-Wish

Donations!

Redemption Center is

directly behind Dad’s Place

DONATE YOUR

BOTTLES TO

Help grant a wish to a local child

battling a critical illness

See our redemption ad on page 33.


Out ‘n About at

MEDCo

Did you

know that all

of our incredible

edibles, tinctures,

lemon-aid, and THC

salves are crafted right

here in Lewiston? Our

state-certified kitchen

is the ONLY open-air

kitchen in the state.

You can watch our

expert staff create

all your favorite

things!

My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning.

It’s a girl and weighs 7lbs., 12 oz.

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it! 87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171

Vegas High Rise Skillet

Hash browns, sausage patty, &

cheddar cheese. Baked, then

topped with two poached

eggs. Plus toast & coffee.

RollysNewAuburn.com

CLOSED MONDAY,

Tues – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,

Sunday 7 am – noon

Donna Savard

Waterlogged

Submitted by Jimbo

A teenage boy tells his father,

“Dad, there’s trouble

with the car, it has water

in the carburetor.”

The easiest way to build stairs is to use a step by step guide.

Out ‘n About in the Digest in the 2011 archives

Reminiscing through our 25 years!

The father looks confused

and says, “Water

in the carburetor? That’s

ridiculous!”

But the son insists, “I tell

you, the car has water in

the carburetor.”

Cyndi Robbins

His father, starting to get

a little nervous, says “You

don’t even know what a

carburetor is.... but I will

check it out. Where is the

car?”

“In the pool,” replies the

son.

Celeste & Michael Onofrio

Misty Edgecomb

Don Poisson

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

10 Feb. 2021 783-7039

I went to Vegas in an $80,000 Porsche and came back in a $400,000 Greyhound bus.


MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE

EVERY MONDAY

20% OFF

All Burgers

30% OFF

All Drafts

EVERY TUESDAY

75¢

WINGS

Do it for LOVE (of steak)

Bring your loved one in to Mac’s Grill this Valentines Day!

We Cater!

Offering full service catering

and drop off service!

WE CATER IT ALL!

Check

out our retail

counter for all

your grilling

needs!

Celebrate

your love for steak

any day with us at

Mac’s!

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


Now

Hiring

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

Out ‘n About at

Roy’s Foodland

Only the

freshest meats

here at Roy’s

Foodland!

We are Looking for

Licensed Electricians

Apply

Within

RoySnow.com

207.782.3734

Serving Maine since 1947

11 Library Ave.

Auburn

Roger Violette

Those

fresh ingredients

are the reason why

our food is so

delicious!

IS YOUR BUSINESS HIRING?

Advertise in our new

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

section to get your job opening viewed by more

than 20,000 each month! Call today FMI!

207-783-7039

COME JOIN OUR TEAM!

You’ll be glad you did!

We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals

Lucille Violette

Did You

Know?

The first Valentine’s

Day box of chocolates

was introduced by

Richard Cadbury in

1868.

To apply:

www.jfmhomes.org or 207-783-2726 x202

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

12 Feb. 2021 783-7039

The abacus factory is counter-productive.


CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION IS GROWING!

We are seeking experienced service and

installation technicians to join our team!

PLEASE CALL 207-777-5600

protechoffice11@yahoo.com

Air Conditioning & Heating

I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

24 Hour

Service

Fully Insured

Out ‘n About with Crystal Spring Healing Alternatives

Now

Hiring

Honeymoon’s

Over

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Daniel and Jessica, a

young couple, got married

and went happily

on their honeymoon.

When they got back,

Jessica immediately

phoned her mother

to talk about the

experience.

“How was the honeymoon,

dearest?” her

mother inquired.

“Oh, Ma,” she replied,

“the honeymoon was

wonderful. So romantic...”

Jessica’s voice

trailed off.

“Is something the

matter, my dear?” her

mother asked.

Then Jessica burst out

crying. “As soon as we

returned home Daniel

started using the most

ghastly language...

saying things I’ve

never heard before! I

mean, all these awful

4-letter words! You’ve

got to come get me

and take me home.

Please Ma, I can’t live

like this!”

“Calm down, Jessica!”

said her mother, “Tell

me, what could be so

awful? What 4-letter

words?”

Alex Degan Lucy Robinson Sam Scalia

I wish fathers took #1 Dad shirts seriously and fought each other

whenever they saw another dad wearing one.

Still sobbing, Jessica

whispered, “He was

using words like dust,

wash, cook, and iron.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 13


My One

and Only

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Roger was out at the

local jewelry store

shopping for his girlfriend

for Valentine’s

Day. Roger spotted a

beautiful gold ring and

called an attendant

over for assistance.

“Yes, sir, may I help

you?” asked the

attendant.

“I’m interested in this

ring for a Valentine’s

Day gift. Can you tell

me more about it?”

“Why yes, sir. It’s a

stunning 24 karat gold

ring with a 3/4 karat

ruby in it. And we can

even engrave it for that

special someone, free

of charge.”

Roger thought for a

minute and then told

the attendant, “I think

I will buy this ring.

Please engrave it ‘To

my one and only love.’”

“How very romantic of

you,” exclaimed the attendant,

“that is a very

sweet way to show

your affection.”

“It’s not romantic, it’s

more practical. If my

girlfriend and I end up

breaking up, I can use

this gift again.”

My first day back to the gym went well. I did 20 minutes of cardio,

10 minute on the defibrillator, and three days in the hospital.

KNOW

WHO

YOU

HIRE!

Maine’s largest resource for:

Background Searches

Criminal • Driving • Sex Offenders

207-783-0000

corporateintelligenceinc.com

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•

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✓DELICIOUS CAFÉ DRINKS; LATTES, MOCHAS, ESPRESSO

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* PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR WINTER HOURS

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN

207.689.3030

Come Visit Our New Location

694 Main Street, Lewiston

www.crystalspringha.com

Mention our ad and receive

10% off

of your purchase!

Exp. 2/28/2021

Check out

our daily

specials! 207-241-2590

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

14 Feb. 2021 783-7039

I hate it when people don’t know the difference between your and you’re.

There so stupid.


The police are arresting me for downloading every Wikipedia article.

“Wait,” I shouted, “I can explain everything!”

FALL IN LOVE WITH OUR SOUPS!

Try our Clam Chowder or Chicken Enchilada as a meal or

pair with a half sandwich, like our amazing Hot Pastrami

Out ‘n About

celebrating

Valentines

with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s

Sweethearts Photo Contest

Online ordering

and curbside pickup

available at

Heidisbrooklyndelime.com

Melinda Carmichael

& Nick Patides

40 years

married! And

still happy

as ever!

600 Turner St., Auburn • 784-3434 AND 415 Philbrook Ave. S. Portland • 773-4800

Never do anything you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.

Denise & Richard

Legare

Kyle Lovejoy &

Caitlin Brown

We’re

all smiles when we’re

together!

Samantha Mathieu

& Dylan Jones

Women don’t want to tell their age and men don’t want to act their age.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 15


Out ‘n About

celebrating

Valentines

with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s

Sweethearts Photo Contest

Do

you know

what kind of

flowers you

should never

get me?

I bought a secondhand dress from Bonnie Tyler. But every now and then it falls apart.

Will You Be Our Valentine?

Romance is in the air when you dine with us

Reservations Suggested

Cauliflowers!

www.villageinnmaine.com

165 High St. Auburn

207-782-7796

Shawn & Trish

Hazelton

Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month

$450/month • 145 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Private Entrance on Ash St., Steps from Parking Garage

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.

Allison & Jon

Ayotte

Maine Realty Advisors

FRANK CARR

Your real estate investment advisor

Brokering your buying & selling needs

207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

16

Michael & Bonnie

Worrey

Newly

engaged!

Kristyn Pelletier &

Benjamin Quimby

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 783-7039

John Blanchette

• RISK CONSULTING

• BUSINESS ANALYTICS

You just never

see it coming.

PROTECT YOUR COMPANY WITH THE

RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE

Contact John today at 207-784-9358

• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE

• CLAIMS SUPPORT

www.nfp.com

Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.

(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.

• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT

•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS

Yesterday my husband saw a cockroach in the kitchen and cleaned the room

from top to bottom. Today, I’m moving the cockroach to the bathroom.


Do you think when fish get thrown back in the water after

being caught they swim around yelling about alien abduction?

AUTOS WANTED

Get cash for your used or junk car today. We buy all

cars, trucks, and SUVs. Free pick up.

Call 1-888-985-1806

CARS/TRUCKS WANTED!!! 2002 and Newer! Any Condition.

Running or Not. Competitive Offer! Free Towing!

We’re Nationwide! Call Now: 1-888-416-2330.

EDUCATION

Train online to do medical billing! Become a Medical

Office Professional at CTI! Get trained & certified to

work in months! 888-572-6790. (M-F 8-6 ET)

HEALTH & FITNESS

Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company.

Covers 350 procedures. Real insurance - not a

discount plan. Get your free dental info kit!

1-888-623-3036 www.dental50plus.com/58 #6258

GENERIC VIAGRA and CIALIS! 100 Pills $99.00 FREE

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Hearing aids! Bogo free! High-quality rechargeable

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833-669-5806

The Generac PWRcell solar plus battery storage system.

Save money, reduce reliance on grid, prepare for

outages & power your home. Full installation services.

$0 down financing option. Request free no obligation

quote. 1-855-270-3785

Thinking about installing a new shower? American

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today to see how to save $1,000

on installation or visit www.newshowerdeal.com/

display

HughesNet Satellite Internet – Finally, no hard data

limits! Call Today for speeds up to 25mbps as low as

$59.99/mo! $75 gift card, terms apply.

1-844-863-4478

GENERAC Standby Generators. The weather is increasingly

unpredictable. Be prepared for power outages.

FREE 7-year extended warranty ($695 value!) Schedule

FREE in-home assessment. 1-844-334-8353 special

financing if qualified.

Eliminate gutter cleaning forever! LeafFilter, most

advanced debris-blocking protection. Schedule free

estimate. 15% off Purchase. 10% Senior & Military

Discounts. Call 1-855-995-2490

Stay in your home longer with an American Standard

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a free toilet, and a lifetime warranty on the tub and

installation! Call us at 1-855-534-6198 or visit www.

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Directv Now. No Satellite. $40/mo 65 Channels. Stream

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Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is

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Free info kit. Call 877-929-9587

DISH TV $64.99 For 190 Channels + $14.95 High

Speed Internet. Free Installation, Smart HD DVR Included,

Free Voice Remote. Some restrictions apply. Promo

Expires 7/21/21.1-833-872-2545

New authors wanted! Page Publishing will help

self-publish your book. Free author submission kit!

Limited offer! 866-951-7214

WANTED TO BUY

Wants to purchase minerals and other oil and gas interests.

Send details to P.O. Box 13557 Denver, CO 80201

True

Potty Training

Confessions

Submitted by Jimbo

My three year-old son

had a lot of problems

with potty training, and

I was on him constantly

about it.

One day, we stopped

at Taco Bell for a

quick lunch between

errands. It was very

busy, with a full dining

room. While enjoying

my taco, I smelled

something funny. So,

of course, I checked

my seven-month-old

daughter. She was

clean.

Then I realized that

Matt had not asked to

go potty in a while, so I

asked him, and he said

“No.”

I kept thinking, “Oh

Lord, that child has

had an accident,” and I

didn’t have any clothes

with me. Then I said,

“Matt, are you sure

you did not have an

accident?”

Continued on next page

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One minute you’re young and fun, and then next

you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 17


Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

18

Continued from previous page

“No,” he replied. I just

knew that he must

have, because the

smell was getting

worse.

So I asked one more

time: “Matt, did you

have an accident?”

This time, with a little

smirk on his face, he

jumped up, yanked

down his pants, bent

over and yelled, “SEE

MOM, IT’S JUST

GAS!!”

While 100 people

nearly choked to death

on their tacos, he

calmly pulled up his

pants and sat down to

eat his food as if nothing

happened. I was

mortified! But some

kind elderly people

made me feel a lot

better when they came

over and thanked me

for the best laugh they

had ever had.

Like Old

Times

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Steve and Lori were

talking over dinner one

night.

“How come you don’t

act like you did back

when we were dating?”

Lori asked.

So the next evening,

Steve took Lori out to

dinner and a movie

and then dropped

her off at her parents’

house.

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 783-7039

My mom used to feed me alphabet soup claiming I loved it.

I didn’t really. She was just putting words in my mouth.

DON’T KNOW

WHAT TO DO

NEXT? WE DO. ®

WATER FIRE MOLD

For any disaster,

call ServiceMaster!

29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn

(800) 244-7630

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com

www.smcarpetcleaning.com

My computer eats microchips for snack.

The Fortin Group

Proudly serving the communities of

Lewiston and Auburn for over 100 years.

The cost of living keeps going up.

The cost of your funeral doesn’t have to.

Pre-plan now and your cost will be locked in.

AUBURN

217 Turner Street

207-783-8545

National Anthems are part of the country music genre.

LEWISTON

70 Horton Street

207-784-4584


Some people think that Simon and Garfunkel songs are works of Art.

But they were mostly written by Paul.

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

Locally Owned & Operated Since 1999

Home

Auto

Business

and more!

...Your Security is Our Concern!

We’ve Got

You Covered

Mike Bouley

Personal & Small

Commercial Lines Producer

Direct Line: 207-353-2168

The Champoux

Family welcomes

Mike Bouley to The

Rogers Agency.

Since moving from

mortgage lending

to insurance in

2011, Mike has

gained extensive

experience and

knowledge on the

risks that could

potentially affect

his clients, ensuring

they are properly

protected. Though

he transferred with his company to Florida,

in 2013, there was always a strong desire to

come back to his community to live, work,

and get involved. Mike received his Bachelor

of Science in Business Administration

at Southern New Hampshire University and

holds insurance licenses in Property &

Casualty and Life & Health.

PO Box 369, 38 Main Street, Lisbon Falls 207-353-2168

Out ‘n About

celebrating

Valentines

with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s

Sweethearts Photo Contest

Jim & Marlene Roy

Cheers

to more love in

2021!

I was outbid for a settee on Ebay. So close yet sofa.

Mark Anthony &

Pamela Girardin

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER

NEW MEMBERS!

The Holy Donut

848 Minot Ave, Auburn

TheHolyDonut.com

John & Dawn

Kenealy

Skies

are brighter

with my

love!

Craft Brew Underground

34 Court St, Auburn

Facebook.com/CBUAuburn

Instagram @craftbrewunderground

Simply Organized Spaces

SimplyOrganizedSpaces.me

SimplyOrganizedSpacesMaine@gmail.com

207-376-7828

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM

If anyone knows a song about chickpeas, can you hummus a tune please?

John & Diane

Clairmont

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 19


Out ‘n About

celebrating

Valentines

with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s

Sweethearts Photo Contest

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm it would be justwater.

Out ‘n About celebrating Valentines with Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sweethearts Photo Contest

Our future’s

so bright, we gotta

wear shades!

Adam & Dawn

Theriault

Krystal & Brady

Tanguay

Brenda & Nate

Frost

Brooks & Janet

Beaudoin

Sue Bales &

Brian Harvey

Casey Lyons & Heidi

Goss

Chris & Sue

Kane

Amanda Tibbetts &

Chris Hussey

Christian & Erin

Lemont

Alex Sirois &

Ranissa Berry

Tom & Cindy

Powell

Craig & Jessica

Bouchard

Daniel & Beth

Keough

Dee & Dave

Chapman

Amie & Todd

Sherry

She lights

up my life brighter

than Epcot!

Debbie & Mike

Cleaves

Alton & Debbie

Henderson

Jason Hall & Debra

Rumery

Denise & Jim

Timberlake

Shannon Desrosiers

& Christopher Martin

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

20

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 783-7039

Don & Kathy

Morris

Eric & Tricia

Bowdoin

Heidi & Dieter

Wieland

Herb & Linda

Fillds

My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk.


I don’t mean to brag, but cashiers are always checking me out!

Out ‘n About celebrating Valentines with Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sweethearts Photo Contest

Flower

Delivery

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Lindsay was a receptionist

at an office.

Besides answering the

phones, she greeted

everyone coming into

the office.

Jamie & Matt

Bennett

Joyce & Jeff

Hamilton

Jen Lowell and

Diesel

Joanne & Tibby

Dupuis

It was Valentine’s Day

and there were several

deliveries of flowers for

a lot of the women in

the office.

After the third or fourth

delivery, Lindsay

decided to call her

boyfriend to see if he’d

get the hint.

Josh & Sharma

Breau

Joshua & Kayla

Caron with Daniel

Katreena & Adam

Meserve

Marc & Karen

Rodrigue

“Hi Aaron, you would

not believe the bouquets

coming in

through the door today

for Valentine’s Day.”

“Oh really,” Aaron

replied. “That’s

wonderful!”

Tammy & Marc

Bureau

Michelle Pushard &

David Hinckley

Linda & Mike

Korhonen

Lisa & Mike

Begin

Lindsay, annoyed that

Aaron wasn’t understanding

what she

was hinting at, continued,

“Seriously, you

wouldn’t believe all of

the flower deliveries for

these women. They’re

gorgeous!”

Mike & Wanda

Bolduc

Jeffrey, Lydia, &

Chelsea Briggs

Nevin & Lydia

Rand

Ashlee & Nick

Strout

“Well, then, that’s

probably why they’re

getting flowers in the

first place.”

Nikki Guimond &

Joshua Mello

Rick & Tammy

Stevens

Rob & Laurie

Bosquet

Rod & Pauline

Gagnon

The swordfish has no natural predators to fear... expect the penfish, which is mightier.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 21


Obstacles

Submitted by Jimbo

In ancient times, a King

had a boulder placed

on a roadway.

I, for one, like roman numerals.

Out ‘n About celebrating Valentines with Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sweethearts Photo Contest

Then he hid himself

and watched to see if

anyone would remove

the huge rock.

Some of the king’s

wealthiest merchants

and courtiers came

by and simply walked

around it. Many loudly

blamed the king for

not keeping the roads

clear, but none did anything

about getting the

stone out of the way.

Ron & Katie

Strohl

Emily & Seth

Vincent

Steve & Dee

Caouette

Linda & Steve

Scott

Then a peasant came

along carrying a load of

vegetables. Upon approaching

the boulder,

the peasant laid down

his burden and tried to

move the stone to the

side of the road.

Taffe & Doug

Robbins

Tim & Kristina

Anderson

Mike & Tina

Foster

Bill & Cheryl

Horton

After much pushing

and straining, he finally

succeeded. After the

peasant picked up his

load of vegetables, he

noticed a purse lying

in the road where the

boulder had been.

The purse contained

many gold coins and

a note from the king

indicating that the gold

was for the person who

removed the boulder

from the roadway. The

peasant learned what

many of us never

understand.

Every obstacle presents

an opportunity to

improve our condition.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

22

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 783-7039

Darren & Sue

Brown

Cindy & Ron

Taylor

John Acker & Trisha

Marston

Crystal & Don

Dionne

Jared & Sarah

Legare

Stewart Guilford &

Catie Moran

My frozen pizza says to cook for between 20 and 22 minutes.

I’m no genius, but wouldn’t that be 21 minutes?

Gerry & Dee

Gagne

SWEETHEARTS PHOTO CONTEST

Stay tuned to find out who the winner is...

in the March issue of Uncle Andy’s Digest!

There’s

a whole

lotta love

in LA and

beyond!


I’m about to lose my job as a tire changer. I’d better tread lightly.

Making Memories!

Family Portraits

Last a Lifetime

Now booking winter sessions in studio or on location

Mention this ad for $25 OFF

your print purchase!

www.creativeonesphotography.com or

Call 207-333-9844

Out ‘n About

celebrating

Valentines

with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s

Sweethearts Photo Contest

Steve & Karen

Hughes

Located in Photo Finish in the Auburn Mall

Out ‘n About at Sturdy Hardware

Eric, smile!

I want you to be my

valentine!

Uncle

Andy’s Digest...

the magazine,

the myth, the

legend!

Eric & Amy

Whitten

Tyler Sturtevant Peter Dumond Marc Mailhot

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p

47 Broad Street, Auburn

www.firehouseauburn.com

207-376-4959

HAPPY HOUR

Monday-Friday

2p-5p

WING WEDNESDAY

75¢ OFF

(dine in only)

BURGER MONDAY

$2 OFF

Treat your

Valentine to

dinner and

drinks at

Firehouse!

February Drink

Special

Did you know that you can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely.

Bahama

Mama

$

7

Ashley & Chris

Derosier

Chris & Jackie

Gendron

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 23


The Lord’s

Work

Submitted by Steve Simard

A friend was in front

of me coming out of

church one day at the

end of the service. The

pastor was standing in

the doorway shaking

hands and greeting

parishioners as they

left the service.

The pastor grabbed

my friend by the hand

and pulled him aside.

OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

POLLY’S VARIETY

115 King Street • Oxford

CALL AHEAD

FOR ORDERS!

Take out window available

Voted one of

Maine’s Best

Pizza Places!

2016 WMTW

Facebook Fan poll

207-539-8254

www.pollysvariety.com

No More Crackers

Polly W ants Pizza

Pizza Ham Italian Special Steak Bomb

February

Special

6" Steak

Bomb

$7 .99

Expires

02/28/2021

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm

The pastor said to him,

“You need to join the

Army of the Lord!”

My friend replied, “I’m

already in the Army of

the Lord, Pastor.”

Pastor questioned,

“How come I don’t see

you except at Christmas

and Easter?”

He whispered back,

“I’m in the secret

service.”

Stephen King has a son named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is.

WE’RE HERE WITH GREAT DEALS!

• VIDEOS, GAMES

PA’S

• TOOLS

• ICE FISHING SUPPLIES

TRADIN’

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PAWN

Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer

1447 Main Street, Oxford

Only 25 Minutes from

Auburn & Gray

• & MUCH MORE!

BUYING

GUNS!

Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm

207-743-0709 or

1-877-743-0709

Gun Background Checks/Transfers

Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each

I’ve just replaced my car engine with the motor from my washing machine. I’m gonna take it for a spin later.

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Commercial

Clean Outs

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CALL OF THE WILD

RV CENTER

848 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-4410

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OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

Protection for

your pride and joy

HAPPY VALENTINE’S BIRTHDAY

JENNIFER WHITE!

Love,

Mom

Justin Campbell, Agent

1570 Main Street Suite 2A

Oxford, ME 04270

Bus: 207-539-5095

www.oxfordhillsinsurance.com

For the family you’d do

anything for, life insurance

could mean everything. I can

help you find easy, affordable

ways to protect their future.

Call me today.

Like a good neighbor,

State Farm is there. ®

State Farm Life Insurance Company (Not licensed

in MA, NY or WI)

State Farm Life and Accident Assurance Company

(Licensed in NY and WI)

Bloomington, IL

2001571

Out ‘n About celebrating Valentines

with Uncle Andy’s Digest

Sweethearts Photo Contest

We have volunteer opportunities in

Androscoggin, Oxford, and Franklin counties

• Meals on Wheels (delivery & kitchen assistance)

• Administrative Support

• Virtual Educational Class Presentations

• Other Client Services

We’re

looking for

volunteers!

FMI, contact us at

volunteerservices@seniorsplus.org or call 207-795-4010

Travis & Tracie Dubois

The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn’t even apply for a job there.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 25


A Whole

Lotta Bull

Submitted by Tyla Davis

A farmer out in his field

one day was observing

his cattle. He had them

divided by a fence,

bulls on one side and

cows on the other.

As he watched them

he noticed that when

ever a strong wind

occurred all the cows

would fall over while

the bulls would just

teeter a bit but remain

upright.

The farmer finally

approached the bulls

and asked, “How come

when there’s a strong

wind the cows over

there fall down and

you don’t?”

The bull looked at him

and replied, “Because,

we bulls wobble but we

don’t fall down.”

“Siri, why do I have such problems with my relationships with women?”

“This is Alexa.”

Roy’s FOODLAND

WEEKLY SPECIALS AT ROY’S

Saturday Bean Special

Beans, Bread/Rolls & Cole Slaw, $8.99

Wednesday Italian Special

Ham, Salami, Veggie or Pepperoni, $2.29

Pizza Pack Special

Pizza Packs only $ 8.99 • 2lb Pepperoni Pks only $ 5.99

What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?

Real People.

Really Great Service.

We’re the People Behind Payroll.

⅛ Payroll Processing

⅛ Time & Attendance Solutions

⅛ Worker’s Comp Pay-As-You-Go

Call us today.

Try our Teres Major Steaks on the Grill!

(comparable to filet mignon)

Come in to

check out

our daily

specials!

Hours:

Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm

Fri. 8am - 7pm

Sat. 8am - 6pm

Don’t forget your chicken salad, “best in town” or ham salad! Sun. closed

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 • www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com

800-734-6880

PAYROLLMGT.COM

Someone just called me. They sneezed and then hung up. I’m getting sick of these cold calls!

MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.

Certified Public Accountant

Tax Planning & Preparation

for Individuals and Business

207.782.1040 • PO Box 895, Auburn, ME 04212

mspaulding.androstax@outlook.com

Poisson & Sons Auto Care

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION

February 2021

Stickers

are due!

ARE YOU READY?!

Car Care Tips

Check lights, maintain battery & coolants, top

off gas & washer fluid, check tire pressure.

Remember your Winter Emergency Kit!

Be ready for

inclement weather!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

26 Feb. 2021 783-7039

Do you know what makes restaurants so romantic? Me n U.


My son asked to go to the 50 cent concert.

So I gave him a dollar and told him to take his sister.

NOW OFFERING

BREAKFAST SATURDAYS

& SUNDAYS!

Out ‘n About

celebrating

Valentines

with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s

Sweethearts Photo Contest

Scan here

for our

menu!

Wednesday: 11am-3pm

Thursday: 11am-8pm

Friday: 11am-9pm

Saturday: 7am-9pm

Sunday: 7am-3pm

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-333-5062 • www.stationgrillrestaurant.com

Bring your

valentine for

date night!

Download

our app for

takeout and

delivery!

Pool/Darts/Cornhole

Great food & drinks!

Tuesday - Saturday: 4pm-9pm

POOL TABLE

RENTALS

$5/person from 4-7p

$10/hour from 7-9p

Covid guidelines being followed

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com

I just replaced the bathroom air freshener with an air horn. Now we wait...

Maria Carbone &

Jesse Burlock

I’ll carry

you in my heart

forever!

Corey Henderson

& Chantel Hould

10 years

together!

Josie French &

Steve Sidelinger

Scott & Michelle

Mason

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 27


BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

Business Trip

Submitted by Steve Simard

Tyla, Stephanie, and

Katie are tired after

traveling to a convention

all day and checking

into a hotel.

When they get to the

reception desk, they

find out they have to

walk up 75 flights of

stairs to their room

because the elevator is

out of order.

Call today for a quote!

207-754-2519

seatailor.ctaylor@gmail.com

Fully Insured

Specializing in foreign

vehicles & diesels

1073 Sabattus Street

Lewiston

207-240-7060

ASE Certified

Full service pet spa

LEGGINGS

2 pair for $20

with this ad!

Expires:

02/28/2021

120 Center Street, Auburn

207-241-0125

Meraki1921.com

Tyla suggests that they

do something interesting

to pass the time

while they walk the 75

flights.

“How about I tell

jokes; Stephanie, you

can sing songs; and

Katie, you can tell sad

stories. We’ll each do

our part for 1/3 of the

climb,” Tyla said.

So, Tyla tells jokes for

25 flights, Stephanie

sings her heart out for

25 flights and Katie

tells sad stories. After

24 flights, the stories

ended though.

When they reached the

75th floor Katie tells

the saddest story of all,

“Ladies, I left our room

key at the reception

desk.”

Website Development

Facebook Marketing

socialmanas.com

A FAMILY OWNED BUSINESS SINCE 2004

Tile & grout, area rugs,

Tile & grout, area rugs, pet odor removal

Environmentally friendly, dries in 1 hour

pet Safe odor for children removal

& pets

207-783-9073

Environmentally friendly,

dries in 1 hour

Safe for children and pets

207-783-9073

healthyhomesclean.com

Find us on Facebook!

207-739-9445

550 Lisbon St. Lewiston

207-713-4786

DIY CRAFTING

CLASSES!

Sign up now!

See our website for

workshop times and classes

www.creativeartisansofmaine.com

Please

remember

to give your

love to our

family of

advertisers!

Out ‘n About at Raceline Motors

Alex Hawthorne Luis Alberto Tyler Higgins

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

28 Feb. 2021 783-7039

When my iMac lost its shoe, I rebooted it.


BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

Charles Hamel

Charles Hamel Owner/Manager

Charles Hamel

Owner/Manager

Charles Charles Owner/Manager

Hamel Hamel

207.782.WASH (9274)

Owner/Manager Owner/Manager DAVIS PT

207.782.WASH (9274) charliehamel@SqueegeeSquad.com

A Balanced Approach

charliehamel@SqueegeeSquad.com

207.782.WASH (9274)

207.782.WASH (9274)

charliehamel@SqueegeeSquad.com

207.782.WASH charliehamel@SqueegeeSquad.com (9274)

Of Maine

charliehamel@SqueegeeSquad.com

Of Maine Your A Mindful

Of Neighborhood Maine Window Cleaners ®

Neighborhood Your Neighborhood Window Of Maine Cleaners Window Cleaners Eye OT

® ®

160 Vickery Road

Your Window Neighborhood Washing, Phone Pressure Window 207.782.WASH

Washing Cleaners

160 Vickery Phone 207.782.WASH 160 Vickery RoadAuburn, ME 04210

Your Neighborhood Window Cleaners ®

& Soft Washing, Gutter Cleaning, & Auburn, 207-333-5022

ME 04210

one 207.782.WASH

®

Chandelier/Ceiling SqueegeeSquad.com

Fan Cleaning Auburn, ME 04210

20 Pleasant Mountain View

SqueegeeSquad.com

kaytdavispt@gmail.com

160 Vickery Road

Phone 207.782.WASH 160 Auburn, Vickery ME 04210 Road

West Paris

SqueegeeSquad.com

Phone 207.782.WASH Therapy in the home.

Auburn, ME 04210

Most insurances accepted. CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT!

SqueegeeSquad.com

SqueegeeSquad.com

207-782-7141

Delicious pizza &

friendly customer service

New

centrifuge

area rug

cleaning!

&

• Carpets

• Wood Floors

• Tile & Grout

• Water Damage Drying

Commercial & Residential

Call Today!

(207) 783-2933

the

Shear Elegance

salon

Come Experience

the Difference

207.358.8109 • auburn mall

www.theshearelegancesalon.com

Out ‘n About

celebrating

Valentines

with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s

Sweethearts Photo Contest

Daniel & Bonnie

Jarmuzek

We love the

outdoors together!

Out ‘n About in the Digest in the 2011 archives

Reminiscing through our 25 years!

Melissa & Robert

Midura

Mike Roy, Roy’s Foodland

Joe Adkins, Smile Again Dentures

Paula & Kevin Glatz

Terri Cook

Becky & Derick

Poland

I think I broke my ankle when I tripped over the Kleenex box.

But the doctor said there was only tissue damage.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 29


Sales

Training

Submitted by

Jonathan Richards

I was in a job interview

today. The interviewing

manager handed me

his laptop and said, “I

want you to try and sell

this to me.”

I played Scrabble with my wife last night. It was the only way I could get a word in.

HOME OWNERSHIP MADE SIMPLE

Whether you’re looking to buy, sell, or build a home,

our team works with you every step of the way!

So I put the laptop

under my arm, walked

out of the building, and

went home.

Eventually he called

my cell phone and

said, “Bring it back

here right now!”

Jon Mercier

Owner/Broker

Mark Turner

Owner/Broker

Toni Ferraro

Broker

Brandon Caruso

Associate Broker

Deb Morin

Associate Broker

Zach Caldwell

Sales Agent

Linda Dupuis

Broker

Regina Ritchie

Associate Broker/

Administrator

I said, “$1,200 and it’s

yours.”

I start on Monday.

mainesourcehomes.com

207.333.6001

259 Minot Avenue, Auburn

I saw a bag of soil on the clearance rack today. I couldn’t help but thinking it was dirt cheap.

Show The Love

Georgio’s, your sweetheart headquarters

Donuts

Whoopie Pies,

Cannolis, Cupcakes,

& more!

Love

always

wins!

Any large 1-topping pizza

ONLY $10 .00

(Save $3)

Comes with cheese - add your choice of topping

Open daily 7am-7pm

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GEORGIO ♥ S

Locally owned & operated

783-2981 • mygeorgiosme.com

Serving L/A & beyond since 1950!

Uncle Andy’s Digest...with

Jimbo

30 Feb. 2021 783-7039

The dolphin joined the Navy to find his sense of porpoise.


Apparently, RSVPing to a wedding with, “maybe next time,” wasn’t the best response.

Eligible for Medicare?

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to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

30+

Years of

Experience!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

Out ‘n About

celebrating

Valentines

with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s

Sweethearts Photo Contest

36 years

ago when we got

married, the top song of

the year was “Say You”

by Lionel Richie!

Clint & Laurie

Knowlton

Androscoggin County’s Premier

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Your Title Company

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95 Main Street, Auburn | 207-784-6413 | generalmail@androtitle.com

A place the whole family will LOVE!

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!

Mallory & Steve

Marks

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reservation

now!

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Apples settle their legal disputes in a court of a peels.

Dustin & Lindsey

Brown

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 31


CALL THE PROS

BEFORE

VALENTINE’S DAY... We’ve got you covered!

Online gift certificates available

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Building or Remodeling?

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A one-hour interior design consultation might help!

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We can offer to help with:

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QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR SWEETHEART

Learn to shoot together safely and responsibly

at Maine’s largest firearms training school.

NRA and USCCA

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• CC Permit

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481 Maine Street, Poland Spring

WEBSITES THAT WORK

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Unlimited Wash Combos

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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

32 Feb. 2021 783-7039

I’ve been telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It’s all about raisin awareness.


CALL THE PROS

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Offering:

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6 Quiet dining

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¢ with this coupon.

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Located in the building behind Dad’s Place

Open 11am-7:30pm

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Major Holidays) UAD exp. 2.28.21 12 Mollison Way, Lewiston

12 MOLLISON WAY, LEWISTON | 783-0336

YOUR ICE FISHING HEADQUARTERS

Bring in this coupon to receive

$

5

in Sturdy Bucks

Expires 2/28/2021

• Traps & Tip-ups

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Parts (used & new) • Towing

Auto Recycling • Sales • Service

CALL FOR DETAILS!

448 County Road, Turner

We Have

Southern

Rust Free

Truck

Beds!

Your trusted, nonprofit resource

for assistance and information

Fill the Plate Breakfast to benefit Meals on Wheels

Friday, March 19. A virtual event featuring poet

Richard Blanco. $20 per person. Info/tickets at

seniorsplus.org/march-for-meals or 795-4010.

TEAM

KENNAGH

Shelley Kennagh

Loan Officer / NMLS 532306

(207) 890-4942

skennagh@cmgfi.com

Contact me for all of your home loan needs!

FULL COLOR DIGITAL PRINTING

Posters • Booklets

Carbonless forms • Envelopes

Business Cards & More!

60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com

Here’s a question for the mind readers out there:

February is the

Month of Love

Make Music Your Passion!

Main Street Music Lessons

33 Dunn Street, Auburn

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com

LA’S #1 STOP

FOR ALL YOUR

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207-376-3376

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 33


CALL THE PROS

Convert Your Home Videos to DVD!

Free $10 gift card when

you use this service!

One gift card per customer. Exp. 3/1/21

Auburn Mall • 207-783-3354

Want to do something

for your other half?

Let me clean up your act!

FARRELL

ENTERPRISES

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Trash • Metals • Demolition • & More!

Michael Farrell

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Fully Insured

Office, Restaurant, & Light

Industrial Cleaning Services

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RON’S

YOUR FULL SERVICE REPAIR FACILITY

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Call us

today!

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owner

375-4924

Download

our App!

Now that that’s

over, I’m taking a

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(207) 786-2020

lewistonhouseofpizza.net

$

1.00 off

any large pizza

Not Valid on Delivery Expires 2/28/2021

Barclay’s

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805 Main Street, Lewiston

784-7300

skindiversparadise.net

SHOW YOUR LOVE WITH A FIREARM

HUGE SELECTION OF

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Fine Line

Gun Shop

(207) 998-2374

590 Plains Rd., Poland

EST

1950

We’re

Open by

Appointment

Booth Rentals

Available

783-3444

54 Mill Street

New Auburn

OPEN:

Tues-Fri

7:30a-5:30p

Sat 7:30a-2p

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

34 Feb. 2021 783-7039

Mashed potatoes on Pringles are still potato chips.


CALL THE PROS

Your Valentine Will Love What We Have!

COOKED FRESH DAILY

Cashews

Almonds

Mixed Nuts

& More!

Needhams

Candy Bars

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• Remodeling Additions

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• New Construction

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Out ‘n About in the Digest in the 2011 archives. Reminiscing through our 25 years!

Jon Mercier, Maine Source Homes

Trevor Laliberte

Darren Finnegan

Looks Delicious, Doesn’t It?

Try our Philly Wrap with fries & coleslaw

Take Out

Available!

Bring dinner

home for your

valentine!

Monday-Wednesday: 11am - 7pm

Thursday-Saturday: 11am - 8pm

Sunday: 11am - 5pm

207-782-2135 Auburn Mall

DAILY SPECIALS

MONDAY

75¢ Wings

Cheeseburger Special $6.99

Cincinnati Spaghetti $7.99

25oz domestic drafts $4.00

TUESDAY

75¢ Wings

Fried Pickle Basket $4.99

Thatcher’s Burger $7.99

25oz domestic drafts $4.00

WEDNESDAY

3 Beef Tacos $5.99

Thatcher’s Burrito $6.99

Well Margaritas $5 • Coronas $3

THURSDAY

Stuffed Peppers $7.99

Buffalo Chicken Salad $10.99

All Microbrews $4.00

FRIDAY

Clam Cake Basket $6.99

Fish & Chips $11.99

Teriyaki Tips w/mashed $12.99

SATURDAY

Fried Scallops $14.99

2 Hot Dogs w/fries $5.99

Miller Lite Bottles $2.50

SUNDAY

12” Cheese Pizza $6.99

Bloody Mary’s $6

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts $2.50

Communication

is Key

Submitted by Lisa

Vasiliauskas Lally

My wife and I are

sitting on the couch

watching TV. I hear my

phone buzz, indicating

that I had a new text

message.

Realizing I left my

phone in the kitchen,

I get up and go to the

kitchen to check it.

It’s a text from my wife:

Please bring the chips

on your way back.

The sun is able to produce nitrogen because of daytrogen.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 35


Out ‘n About

celebrating

Valentines

with Uncle Andy’s Digest’s

Sweethearts Photo Contest

You are the

apple of my eye!

Fred & Heidi

Strout

Goofball!

65%

I needed a car I couldn’t get lost in. So I bought myself a new Nissan Pathfinder.

Readers who frequently purchase products or

services from ads seen in Uncle Andy’s Digest:

The Survey sa

Choose

80.8%

a proven partner. Choose

Average Age

22,000 Mon

MARKETING DOESN’T N

Readers who frequently purchase products or or

services from ads seen in in Uncle Andy’s Digest:

Our readership study results*

48%

*Method to our Madness: Our demographic study was conducted using the C

audits 3,700 publications nationwide, audited our magazine (reviewed the prin

The CVC surveyed Uncle Andy’s Digest readers in the primary market areas ind

available upon request.

Here’s what

Average Me

22,000 Month

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

36

Stacey & Capan

LeClair

Steven & Kailee

Farrington

We are

celebrating nine

years of marriage

right after Valentine’s

Day!

Brittany & Jamie

Robbins

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 783-7039

80.8%

25-64

College Educated

Average Age

65%

25-64

College Educated

I just got the U2 version of Monopoly.

It’s like regular Monopoly, but the streets have no name.

What is Your an

48%

$35-49,999

$50-74,999

Towns / Cities w

$75-99,999

Average Media

Auburn, Buckfield, B

Greene, $100-124,999 Leeds, Lew

Lisbon Falls, Mecha

0 5

New Gloucester, No

Poland, Sabattus, So

Topsham & Turner.

What is is Your annu

$35-49,999

$50-74,999

*Method to our Madness: Our demographic study was conducted using the Certification Verification Cou

audits 3,700 publications nationwide, audited our magazine (reviewed the printing, distribution, circulation

The CVC surveyed Uncle Andy’s Digest readers in the primary market areas indicated $75-99,999

in the publications C

available upon request.

65%

$100-124,999

11

0 0 5 5

$

11%


$75-99,999

24.7%

$100-124,999 I 11% made a hiking playlist 17% on my iPod. It has songs from

The Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem. It’s my Trail Mix.

0 5 10 15 20 25 30

ys... Survey says...

Readers who frequently purchase products or

services from ads seen in Uncle Andy’s Digest:

Uncle

Our readership

Andy’s Digest.

study

Here’s

results*

why...

80.8%

ertification Verification Council (CVC), a third party company, who

ting, distribution, circulation, technology and general business records).

icated in the publications CVC audit report. A copy of our audit report is

EED TO BE DIFFICULT

we learned

rchase products or

cle Andy’s Digest:

hly Readers

Our

Distribution

Area

10 15 20 25 30

20%

22,000 Monthly Readers

Average Age

It’s a

Mystery

Submitted by Steve Simard

22,000 Monthly R

A man had a ticket for

a mystery dinner theater

performance. He

had been waiting for

this show for months!

48% 5

Much to his dismay,

when he got to the

venue, the usher sat

him towards the back

of the room. The man

could barely see the

stage from where he

was sitting.

Average Median Ho

The man motioned for

0.8%

the usher to come see

25-64

him.

$7

“Excuse me,” the man

48% 52%

whispered, “but I’m so

What is Your annual ho

far away that I can’t

52%

see the stage. Where

$35-49,999

this is a mystery dinner 1

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e ge distribute to: Average College Median Educated Household Income

the action. If you move

runswick, n Household Gray, Income

$75-99,999 me towards the front,

there’d be a nice tip for

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65%

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$100-124,999

nic Falls, Minot,

11%

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rway, Oxford,

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76,250

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the seating chart and

What is Your annual household income? motioned for the man

to move towards the

ual household income?

front. The usher seated

$35-49,999

18%

the man in the center

When the consumer is ready for your

of the second row. The

18%

$50-74,999

27%

cated

product or service, will they think of

man promptly placed a

bill in the usher’s hand.

27%

29.4%

$75-99,999

you first? 20%

*Method to our Madness: Our demographic study

24.7%

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24.7% Contact available upon request. us TODAY! $1.00 bill in his hand

0 5 10 15 20 25 30

%

17%

and leaned down to

207-783-7039 | UncleAndys.com whisper to the man.

“The butler did it.”

I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

Feb. 2021 UncleAndys.com 37


Final Exams

Submitted by Tyla Davis

A college student

stayed up late studying

for his zoology exam

the next day. As he

entered the classroom,

he saw 10 stands,

each with one bird

perched on it.

The birds heads were

covered with paper

sacks, and only their

legs showed.

Why do ballerinas have to stand on their tiptoes? Why don’t they just get taller dancers?

Moving two miles

up the road!

10 Memorial Drive,

Lisbon

The professor announced

that the test

would consist of looking

at each bird’s legs

and determining the

bird’s common name,

habitat, and genus.

The student looked at

the legs, but they all

looked the same to

him. He closely examined

each bird for what

seemed like hours.

The more he looked,

the angrier he got.

Finally, he marched to

his professor’s desk

and exclaimed, “What

a stupid test! Nobody

can tell the difference

between birds by looking

at their legs!” The

student threw his test

on the teacher’s desk.

The laziest mountain in the world is Mt. Everest.

Out ‘n About in the Digest in the 2011 archives.

Reminiscing through our 25 years!

“Young man! How dare

you behave that way

in my classroom?”

the teacher bellowed,

“What is your name?”

The student lifted

up his pant legs and

yelled, “You guess,

buddy! You guess!”

BJ Grondin

Prime360

Jeff Martin

ServiceMaster

Dustin Carrier,

Carrier Landscaping

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

38 Feb. 2021 783-7039

Muffins spelled backwards is what I do after I take them out of the oven.


Love, like wine,

gets better with time

Fall head over heels in love with our

impressive selection of spirits,

competitively-priced beer, wine,

mixers, and hard-to-find favorites.

Stock up at any one of our SIX convenience package stores

Auburn

545 Minot Avenue - 783-2047

301 Main Street 783-9098

Lewiston

686 Main Street - 344-1200

794 Sabattus Street - 783-6353

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Oxford

980 Main Street - 539-6072


Home of the Two Year Warranty on all parts & labor*

*restrictions apply

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• Foundations

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Loving is not looking at each other. It’s looking in the same direction.

SHARE YOUR SMILE

Let our dedicated dental professionals help you

achieve a smile you can be proud of!

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730 Center St. Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

auburndentalfamily.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

40 Feb. 2021 783-7039

UncleAndysDigest.com

Jimbo

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