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A New Kind of “Turkey”
By: Mike Murphy / Social Insecurity
Thanksgiving turkeys aren’t what they used to
be.
Check out this recent headline: “Millennials
Are Buying Smaller Turkeys for Thanksgiving Dinner.” Shocking, isn’t
it?
Makes one nearly give up hope for the younger generation.
You would think that Millennials would show some gratitude for my
generation of Baby Boomers who worked tirelessly to develop a breed
of big, fat 30-pound turkeys chock-full of antibiotics and salt water that
can barely waddle over to the feed trough. In fact, as reported on NPR
last year, “Due to selective breeding, the average turkey is now twice the
size it was in 1960.” Twice the size!
But Millennials, with their skinny jeans and skinny lattes, look to
purchase turkeys that resemble Victoria’s Secret models wearing Angel
Wings. What is wrong
with kids nowadays?
And when it comes
to Millennials looking
for just the right bird to
serve on Thanksgiving,
it’s not only size that
concerns them. They
can’t just walk up to
the counter and tell
the butcher, “I want a
turkey.”
No, their order is more likely to sound like this: “I would like a fresh,
all-natural, organic, bone-in-breast, free-range turkey, fed an allvegetarian
diet with no antibiotics, synthetic hormones, pesticides, or
stimulants.”
And do you know what? The butcher’s most likely going to wrap up
and hand them a plain old turkey, and they won’t know the difference.
On top of that, there are birds for sale today called “heritage
turkeys” which are growing in popularity with young buyers. Heritage
turkeys are described as “one of a variety of strains of domestic turkey
which retains historic characteristics that are no longer present in the
majority of turkeys raised.”
Not sure what characteristics they are referring to. I mean a wattle
is a wattle.
Folks who buy heritage turkeys place their orders months in advance.
That way they can go out to the farm and form a personal relationship
with the turkey of their choice leading up to Thanksgiving.
Purchasers of the turkeys swear that paying $100 or more for a 10
lb. turkey is worth it because they can do “a background check” on the
turkey and “bond with the bird.”
Sounds great. Except that, from a turkey’s perspective, something
tells me this relationship is going to have a tragic ending.
Mike Murphy is a retired teacher/coach. His book of humorous
articles titled “Tortoise Crossing - Expect Long Delays” is available
on amazon.com.
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