VANGARDIST MAGAZINE - Issue 57 - The Fat Issue

3. The Tongue Patch Diet
I personally think this one is the worst
of the worst. This so called 'miracle
patch' (about the size of a postal
stamp) is sewn onto your actual
tongue! Your friggin’ tongue! Sewn!
AH! Then of course with that shit stuck
on your tongue, you'll end up losing
weight because it hurts way too much
to eat anything solid and you end up
having a liquid only diet! This ridiculously
painful thing will cost you 2000
bucks and takes about ten minutes of
your life. Worth it? Sure, if you're a lunatic!
4. The Breatharian Diet
Just as the name suggests, this diet
involves breathing and…that's about
it! No food, no water and no sleep!
Breatharians believe that they can live
of air alone. I'd love to give you more
information on it, but most Breatharians
have either died or almost died
(and then had to call off the whole dieting
thing), so there's not much more
to add to that, except for: Please breathe
all you like, but don't forget to add
some food, water and sleep to that
equation!
So, ladies and gentlemen, whatever
diet you do end up choosing, please
try to stay on planet Earth with your
imagination and make sure what you
are doing is not in any way harming
your body, from the inside or out!