Volume 2–3.pdf

thumbs through. He is at ease at home
or, if he has one, puttering in the garden
but, if anything touches his business
interests, he is galvanized into action
and is not to be trifled with. He has two
point one children and wants them to
have a fine education although they
sneer at it. And much as he dislikes
working in New York, he would live in
no other place.
A fast trip along the maze that is the
New York subway (" .. the people ride
in a hole in the ground ") takes us
crosstown to Times Square and 42nd
Street. Classicists will be delighted to
learn that the original green and red
guide lines inthe subway shuttle system
stem directly from the great legend of
Theseus' slaying of the Minotaur in the
labyrinth in Crete. When the shuttle
first opened on August 1, 1918, New
York's subway moles - without guidelines
- became confused, then frightenedand
actually mauled one another in
hysterical attempts to fight their way
back to the street. Something had to
be done, but all solutions offered were
either too complicated or too impractical.
Until someone remembered the
Minotaur legend- how Theseus of
Athens slew the monster, then made
his way out of the labyrinthine darkness
by following the skein of thread
that Ariadne had told him to unravel
as he wandered through the caverns to
the Minotaur's lair. Hence, the green
and red lines, guiding millions underground
safely and easily without incident
between Grand Central and Times
Square. Another U&lc "scoop',' since
the story has never been told before.
In discussions about Times Square
and 42nd Street, there are definitely
two opposing camps. One camp holds
that the area has outlived itself and is
dilapidated, filthy, and gimcrack, a welltrod
stamping ground for derelicts and
drug addicts. The other camp - which
is on the far side of the water and has
a much better bathing beach- holds
that it's a national landmark, as much
a part of the historical city as Bowling
Green and Bryant Park.
Clearly, Diana Bryan- in her lower
center capsule illustration- holds to
the second view, as she pictures on the
ground floor a quaint and fashionable
drinking establishment. Here, one
meets old friends and out-of-town visitors
eager to sop up the casual, easygoing
atmosphere to be found in this
section of the city. Upstairs may be
found people enjoying their indoor
pools rather than making the long trek
to the country while, on the upper floors,
a pair of earnest scholars endeavor to
put into practice the sage learnings of
Masters and Johnson. Nothing escapes
the roving eye of Miss Bryan, as she
demonstrates that- so anxious was the
gentleman in the illustration to try out
the difficult Masters and Johnson technique
- he failed to remove his hat in
his haste while ignoring the television
set completely. It is dedicated people
such as these that gave impetus to
Xaviera Hollander's famous declaration
of loyalty: "I don't want to be deported
I love New York!"
Moving right along to the illustration
at the lower left -hand corner of the
left-hand page, we find ourselves transported
by Diana Bryan's magic razor
to a bird's-eye view of the Upper East
Side, the so-called "silk stocking" district.
It has been said that if Chairman
Mao were to line up his Chinese citizenry
four abreast and walk them into
the Yangtse River, the line would never
end. A like analogy, on far smaller
scale, may be made of the well-heeled
folk sequestered in this privileged sector
of specialty shops and penthouses,
be-furred matrons, pampered dogs,
chauffeur-driven limousines, expensive
restaurants, and plush hotels - like the
one illustrated here, with elevators that,
not unusually, let their tenants out
directly onto complete-floor apartments.
Ex-president Richard Nixon
lived here, in the same building as Vice
President Nelson Rockefeller.
As may be seen, however, the space
is lorded over mostly by the above-mentioned
matrons who, over tea, settle
the heavy problems of the world to pass
along to their husbands. Said husbands
retire early on from business to engage
themselves in such useful pursuits as
aiding in the extinction of various
animal breeds between the wearisome
cutting of coupons. Eating, drinking,
and sleeping are main preoccupations
of the silk stocking crowd, the roofs
providing a healthful break in the daily
routine for soaking up the sun and contemplating
the cosmos. Nowhere near
as imaginative as their Greenwich
Village neighbors, these folk are too
absorbed in higher philosophic thought
either to spot or report on any undesirable
UFO appearances.
There are so many points of wonder
throughout these blocks (where else
would you run into a French-speaking
panhandler?) that they can scarcely
be covered here. But we'll bet five, two,
and even that you didn't know that - in
one of the foremost buildings of the area,
the Metropolitan Museum of Art - rare
41111 NI a s in Is III
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items are protected from sunlight's destructive
ultraviolet rays by a plasticwindowcoating.
The compound, called Solar
Screen, changes the ultraviolet rays'
wavelength so that when the rays fall
on priceless paintings, documents, or
costumes, they no longer have the quality
that causes fading or deterioration.
There's just no end to the incidental
information you pick up reading U&lc!
One could go on and on about New
York. In the city the Fifth Avenue Lingerie
Shop is on Madison Avenue; the
Madison Pet Shop is on Lexington Avenue;
the Park Avenue Florist is on Madison
Avenue; and the Lexington Hand
Laundry is on Third Avenue. The Manhattan
Telephone Directory has a listing
of over one million names - ofwhich
3316 are Smith, 2835 are Brown, 2444
are Williams, 2070 are Cohen, and 1 is
Cleon Zissmer. Like our four-abreast
Maoists, New York is an endless city
and its wonders never cease.
So much for Diana Bryan's composite
look at the Big Apple. All of which gives
you little or no idea of the great beginnings
and of the pioneers who built it.
Your imagination will help you, though,
if - when looking over the illustrations
- you remember that once upon a time
New York was all pasture, orchard,
meadow, rolling plains, and Indian.
Hard as it is to believe now, the area
wasn't always concrete and it wasn't
always crowded and it wasn't always
skyscraper high. It just grew faster and
bigger and better than any city in all
of history. As Will Rogers dryly put it,
"New York is the only town in the countrywhereyoucanhave
a wonderful time
without enjoying yourself." It's a great
place to visit, and most people do want
to live there. "The Bronx is up and the
Battery's down .' New York, New York.
a wonderful town. JACK ANSON FINKE
THIS ARTICLE IS SET IN AMERICAN TYPEWRITER