Volume 2–3.pdf

Adolf G Eva
A marriage of such devoted souls
should have been made in heaven.
Alas, it was made in a Berlin bunker.
It came too late, however, for any
nuptial festivities along the tinter
Den Linden. Some home movies of
their early carefree days in Adolf's
Berchtesgaden aerie show Eva to be
athletic and amply endowed. Since
Hitler was monorchid,the poor fellow
must have operated at considerable
disadvantage. Eva, however, was the
faithful, uncomplaining type of
mistress, even when the THIRD
REICH didn't last a thousand years
as Adolf had promised her. In the
waning hours, while waiting for the
Russian visitors, witnesses said that
Adolf embraced Eva and with both
tenderness and driving passion told
her, "Eva, you just can't win 'em all:'
Henry VIII, 3 Catherines,
2 Annes, G 1 Jane
Henry the Eighth was called "Bluff
King Hal" for good reason. He'd just
as soon as call your bluff or hand
your head to you on a platter. Judging
by the number of big wheels he
had trying to pull strings for him with
a stubborn pope, our Henry was no
small hatchet man himself. Very few
people ever get a chance to hire and
fire a Cardinal Wolsey and execute a
Thomas More. It all stemmed from
his desire to get a divorce not once
but five times. And no alimony involved.
Headless women have damn
little interest in fancy millinery or
who gets the stereo. So in order of
divorce and decapitation we give
you: Catherine of Aragon (unilateral
divorce), Anne Boleyn (beheaded),
Jane Seymour (died in childbirth),
Anne of Cleaves (head intact),
Catherine Howard (beheaded), and
Catherine Parr (no relation to Jack)
beat the rap entirely and survived
the young curmudgeon. A guy who
doesn't behead everybody can't be
all bad.
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