PSYCHEDELICS - Sciencemadness.org

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____________________________________________________ Psychedelics
wept for my wife and for my son and was especially concerned
about him because of a feeling of special responsibility
springing from the fact that I generated him. I expressed great
hostility toward both my parents, and with H.'s help analyzed
my feelings as they derived from my relationship to each of
them. I examined my relationship with my next older brother,
and examined the meaning in my life of my relationship with
that friend whom I love the most. Many times in the course
of this I would be seized by an epiphany and I do not know
where I went or what I did there.
At 12:45 we went back upstairs. H. felt that I should look
at myself in a mirror, and I did, but I never changed, al-
though I looked periodically for several hours. I was always
myself. The only changes that I noted were the changes in my
expression as a function of how I was feeling. I talked about
how one had to give oneself up to experience and about the
importance of being. I continued to express great sadness for
others. H. mentioned my relationship with someone whom I
hated, and I flew into a rage in which I identified that person
as a Nazi. While I did this, I had a sense of, but did not see,
stone, cement, and blood. I talked about the relation among
past, present, and future, and recognized how each person
is more than just a collection of needs. At 1:50 I read Fern
Hill and was greatly moved. I talked about Homer, my own
work, and the relation of poetry to science. I discussed my very
early identification with Ulysses and my recent reading of
Hermann Hesse. I asked H. to read to me from the Manual
o f Psychedelic Experience sometime here, but rejected it as
irrelevant to what I was experiencing.
Depth seemed expanded during this part of the experience,
but objects seemed closer. H. suggested that the perception
of distance and the perception of depth might be separate
things. The floor seemed to tilt markedly toward the side of
the room in which we were sitting, and I wondered that I had
not observed this before. I have checked this since the ex-
perience, and the floor does slope that way, but not nearly so
markedly as I saw it. We went out on the porch, and I was
impressed by how the tree that grows near the building
seemed to float and how the road changed briefly after every