The Common Ground Network for Life and Choice Manual

not only any continuing dialogue experience but also the rest of their lives. This is the reason for
the intentional way active listening and genuine questions are elicited and coached in a common
ground dialogue. The facilitator guidelines at the end of this chapter (Appendix 4.3) give
specific instructions for doing this. It is impressive to watch a group develop to the point where
they incorporate these dialogue skills naturally, even, and especially, when very hard topics are
in the room.
Enforcing ground rules.
The importance of ground rules is discussed in Chapter Two. Participants are reassured
by knowledge that the facilitator is there to call people back to those rules if necessary, even if
this never actually happens.
Facilitating dialogue.
The facilitator sets the tone, poses questions for discussion, encourages active listening,
and elicits responses that reflect understanding. In our approach there is always a question for
dialogue planned in advance, whether the dialogue is part of a workshop or a regular meeting of
an ongoing group. The facilitator keeps the meeting within this plan, and budgets time
accordingly. At the same time he or she remains sensitive to areas that emerge as “must discuss”
topics, being prepared to bring these to the group’s attention for a decision how to deal with
them. An important recent event or hot issue, either global (a clinic bombing) or personal (a
birth mother’s first contact with the child she placed for adoption), may cause a group decision
to amend the plan and address the pressing topic.
The point being made here is that neither the facilitator nor the group should “wing it”,
that is, provide no structure for a meeting and just “see what happens.” To do that heightens
anxiety about dialogue and may discourage participation. It also wastes time at the start of a
meeting on discussions about what to talk about, when what people are eager for is the talk.
A substantive dialogue relating to abortion, however, is not something you jump into
immediately. Warm-up and trust-building questions are essential. Several are designed into the
workshop plan. Their purpose is just to allow people a chance to find their voice and relax, but