The Common Ground Network for Life and Choice Manual

how much people on the two sides are alike.
6. Dealing with Strong Emotions and Statements. Given the feelings that people have on the
subject of abortion, emotions are going to be a natural part of any dialogue. We have to
expect that "buttons" may get pushed. Sometimes it's best to just let these outbursts go, but
if feelings seem to be taking over, others are responding strongly, or the ground rules are
being disregarded, an intervention is recommended. Even without strong emotion, there are
certain kinds of statements that can lead people to start talking "at" or "past" one another.
The following are several facilitation responses that are helpful in these situations.
a) Using active listening to give the speaker/s feedback about what they are saying to let
them know they are being understood. This can really help if a person is being repetitive,
or acts like they feel they aren’t being heard. (See Part 2 above.)
b) Reflecting the speaker's feelings. E.g. "you have strong feelings [are angry] about what
happened to you". Just this acknowledgment may bring the emotional level down.
c) Turning accusatory and provocative statements or questions into genuine questions.
E.g. “You don’t care anything about children” OR “How can you ignore the plight of
children?” can become: “Something I would really like to know is, what do you and
others on your side do to help children?” There is likely an important concern or inquiry
to surface. Try to coach the participant to make this reframing on his or her own. A
prompt might be, “The way you have asked that question makes it very hard for anyone
to answer because you have a judgment in there. Can you just ask directly what you
want to know?” Or you may want to be more directive: “It sounds like you want to know
– ‘what do pro-life people do to help children after they are born.’ Is that right? Can we
put the question out there that way?”
d) If participants keep talking as "we", or for a group, asking them to speak in the first
person ("I") about their own beliefs, feelings, and experiences, instead of as
representatives for a group or movement. Speaking for oneself is important for dialogue,
in major part because people can develop an understanding of, and enter into
conversation with, a person much more meaningfully than with a corporate entity.
e) In response to absolute statements or generalities (e.g. "always", "never", all"),
asking the speaker to talk specifically about what he or she has directly experienced, or
felt. E.g. “[My side] never pressures girls to make a decision” can become: “At the
center/clinic where I work we give girls information and options but do not tell them
what to do.” Try to get to what underlies a generality. A person can be heard much
better if specific experience is cited. Prompts can include: “Can you give us an example
from your direct knowledge?” or “Can you say more about how you have come to know
this?”