- PANDEMIC - Pedos & Child Porn in the News - Equal Parenting-BC

Sarah is speaking at a downtown Des Moines meeting titled "Collective Voices of Victims." It's sponsored by the
Iowa Department of Corrections as part of National Crime Victims' Rights Week. Often, these events have no
names and no faces.
This time it has a face. Sarah's face. And the face of a 16-year-old boy sitting a few feet away, waiting his turn to
speak. We'll call him Frank.
He listens as Sarah talks about the girl with the blue eyes. He watches as the other picture Sarah drew flashes on the
screen. It's the reverse side of the mask - Sarah on the inside - the Sarah nobody could see.
"On the inside she felt dirty and ugly," Sarah says. "Her eyes are big, and she is scared her mommy will be mad at
her. The sparkles on her face show excitement because these were times she got to go and get ice cream after he
touched her. She felt sad because she had to do something she did not like to get the ice cream."
The face is grotesque, the teeth are monstrous, the eyes and mouth are distorted. It's an almost unimaginable selfportrait
of a child.
"The girl was learning to live with happy days and days that might be cloudy," Sarah says. "And just when she
thought she was through it all, her dad died and that added more trauma into her life. She felt sad, kind of depressed
and lonely."
Some in this tough crowd are crying as the child finishes her story.
"I am the girl with blue eyes," she says. "And I finished therapy in October. I know I have plenty of support from
family and friends. I can get ice cream from the best mom ever without doing a thing."
Sarah looks at her mom, who is sitting a few feet away in the front row. The two leave the room as Frank, the 16year-old
boy, begins to speak.
Looking at his mom and dad, he tells a very different story. The words he speaks about the man who abused him are
beyond anger.
"Hi. I am (Frank) and I am an addict, alcoholic and former victim of sexual abuse," he says quietly. "I wrote a letter
during treatment to the perpetrator, explaining myself and the feelings I have towards him."
The letter is part of Frank's therapy. It's a shockingly profane example of how he's dealing with it through rage.
"I (expletive) hate you so bad. I guess the worst fear would be growing up to be like your (expletive) ass. You
screwed me over real bad. I have to live with this for the rest of my life. For your sick pleasure I get (expletive). It
isn't fair.
"You pulled me into a trap I can't get out of, played games with my mind. I am really (expletive) angry. I can't admit
it on paper or to anyone the real emotion I used to have. I feel like a worthless piece of (expletive) just thinking
about it. I hate myself for it and can't understand why."
Frank's abuse began when he was 13. He said the abuser gave him a place to stay after he ran away from home and
supplied him with drugs.
"All I ever wanted to do was smoke weed, meth and snort pills," he says, reading from the letter. "My compulsion
for sex with females grew to convince myself I wasn't gay. Then I quit going to school and a lot of the time was to
go to (your) house. You took any chance of me being average. I'm not OK in my own house. I'm on the outside
looking in, but I feel like the center with all eyes on me in my family."
He's a fine-looking young man, poised, with a touch of confidence. And what he says next is astounding. The anger
in Frank's letter turns to hope.
"Now I am going to school, active in actually going somewhere with my life, with the help of therapy. And most of
all, I am learning to accept me and sobriety. I have been sober since July 10, 2004, and for that I am grateful."
CONFIDENTIAL ---- Pandemic Pedo & CP Report – April 17, 2005 - page 208 of 216