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Be Not Afraid sufferingOnce we were able to do this, and to see our stressmirrored in each other, we could share it openlytogether. We held each other and wept for as long as weneeded to. And then we could say, “Well, that’s enoughfor now, let’s go on.”In our therapized culture it takes no great leap offaith to believe that “sharing one’s pain” like this isthe best way to deal with it. But given the number ofpeople I know who have not only coped with enormoussuffering in their lives, but come through it strongerthan before, I have come to feel that maybe we ought tostop approaching pain as something purely negative. Ifwe allow it, pain can be an occasion for redemption – acrucible of sorts that may refine and renew us. In hisnovel Crime and Punishment, Dostoevsky, no strangerto hardship himself, goes even further, and makes thisaudacious claim: “You don’t believe my words now,but you’ll come to it yourself…Suffering is a greatthing.” Because only someone who has suffered hasthe right to speak this way, such a statement is bestapplied to ourselves, not recited to others. In any case,it is rare that someone is given the strength to beartheir burdens nobly. Most end up weighed down, ifnot embittered. All the same, there is a ring of truth toDostoevsky’s words, as the next story shows.11