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Be Not Afraid GriefI broke down. Her pain – my pain – what was there tosay? I choked and quickly hung up.The day before Matt died, Linda spent a long time inher living room, sitting quietly on the couch with afriend. A few days later, the same friend came backwith another woman, and the three of them heldhands as the tears trickled down their cheeks. “There isnothing more special than being with someone in totalsilence and knowing that you feel each other’s hurt,”says Linda. “It is an expression of deep love.”Generalizations are rarely helpful, but there is onething about grief that can be safely said for everyone: itcan never be passed over quickly. Grieving takes timeand space – time to grasp the irreversible change oflosing someone you love, and space to sort out yourconflicting emotions.Some people experience a surprising strength in thefirst days after a death; but even these soon feel the fullimpact of their loss. How can someone not need time toadjust? A 45-year-old I know whose father took his lifedecades ago was not able to talk about it openly untilthis year. And a friend of my wife’s who lost her onlydaughter to multiple sclerosis still weeps over her attimes, though it’s been twenty years. Often, the abilityto recover quickly turns out to be something else, like1