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Be Not Afraid Fearcan help us quell our fears – especially in the sense ofallowing ourselves to be vulnerable, like Matt did, andturning to the support of those we trust and love. Butfear cannot be conquered by emotional catharsis orwillpower. Even a hardened soldier will cry out for hismother at the moment of death.In my experience, there is a definite correlationbetween fear and the “hardness” of a soul. For a personwho is conscious of his weakness, it is a relief to admithis limits and ask for help. For an independent personwho sees such vulnerability as defeat, however, it isterrifying, especially if he has steeled himself againstthe idea of “giving in” to death for a long time. Suddenlyhe sees his self-reliance as the illusion it always was,and realizes that even the strongest man is helplesswhen confronted with his own mortality.In her recent memoir, Body Toxic, author SusanneAntonetta illustrates this vividly. A woman who alwayshad everything under control, Antonetta’s grandmotherruled her household with an iron hand and anunyielding opinion on everything from food, clothing,schedules, and careers, to the choice of her children’smates and the prospective names of their babies. (Ifshe didn’t approve, she vetoed them.) But when deathcame, she was gripped by an uncontrollable fear:1