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Be Not Afraid Griefwere left with nothing but the knowledge that theirloved ones were surely dead – for most there was nobody to grieve over, nor even any concrete evidence ofdeath. There were only holes: unopened mail, a vacantplace at the table, an empty bed. It was all the moretouching, then, that during a memorial service heldin Lower Manhattan several weeks later, each familywho attended was given a vial of earth from the site.More than a symbolic gesture, this gave the bereavedsomething to hold in their hands, and to bury or save.Everyone responds differently to the challenges of loss.Sometimes expectations clash even in the same family.Not long after my mother died, for instance, my sistersand I were sitting at home with my father, havingcoffee. We were talking about our families, and havinga good time. Papa, however, was hurt by our laughterand wanted to know how we could let life return tonormal so quickly. Couldn’t we see that he was stillgrieving for Mama? And why weren’t we taking herdeath just as seriously?Surely the return to “normalcy” is a vital step towardhealing. But what I learned that day was the importanceof respecting the pain of those who heal more slowlythan those around them. Randy, above, spoke of thetemptation to get back to work as soon as possible, an186