Journey Back to Eden.pdf - St Mark Coptic Orthodox Church Chicago

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A TIME TO PRESS ONWARD 173to genuinely sleep at night. One needs to be moving, so standingand praying in the church is a way of coping with the extremity ofthe cold. Now, in the summer, one can’t really sleep at night either;it’s too hot. But being in the church is cooler than being in one’scell. In the chapel, at least, there is the social energy necessary toparticipate in the communal work of monastic prayer. So, thehours that are more bearable, more livable, both in winter and insummer, are dedicated to prayer in the middle of the night. In thesummertime, this frees the hottest hours of the afternoon for relativeinertia, as one is genuinely unable to physically work—or eventhink—effectively in the high temperatures.I personally feel guilty for obsessing about the weather somuch. I am just living my personal drama of a Sahara desert summerand what it means in my imagination, to my body. I shouldsimply attempt to experience my surroundings in the spirit of thosewho live here year after year, rather than to project onto that experiencewhat it means from my perspective. Besides that, in terms ofmy own spirituality and prayer life, my surrender to the presentwith all of its challenges, its blessings, as well as its hardships, ispart of my embrace of the Paschal Mysteries. Not to exaggerate itsburdens or its discomforts in order to make myself a victim in myown right, rather than one who shares in the blessing, the solidarityof the victimhood of Christ who is the victim, is my truest, mostessential right of all.MAY 14, THURSDAYO Light of the World,I lit a candle today in the monastery church, and almostlaughed at myself for the feeling that the pious gesture evokedin me. I dreaded adding the heat of a little flame to the alreadyhot atmosphere! I did not want to contribute anything tothe rising temperatures; my original purpose was to petitionyou for grace to bear it all better in these next few months.Would that I had such reluctance to add the slightest illwill by my words to the social atmosphere of uncharity in theworld from which I came! And would that I begged for suchdivine protection from the deadly climate of cynicism and spitewhich afflicts the culture to which I will one day return.
174 MAYNevertheless, I ask you to assist me to live here withoutcomplaining. If you do not relieve me of my discomfort, remindme always to offer it as prayer, and to accept it as a poorpenance for my failures in growing up into the maturity, theeternal childhood, of your love. May the heat remind me ofthose things that I should truly dread above physical pain. Purifyme for a life of greater holiness and charity.And please, don’t let my candle add one degree to thewarmth of this place!The Insistence of the SistersMAY 16, SATURDAYAnother day of pilgrims, another day of the soliciting of blessings.There are so many pilgrims now that some of the monks haveseemingly thrown me out to them. The monks direct the pilgrimsto me so that there are fewer pilgrims oppressing them.This afternoon while I was in the church, three older sistersfrom a poor family in Beni Suef in Upper Egypt came to seek ablessing from me. I could hardly understood their dialect, and Ithink they could hardly understand me. I thought that the two sisterson either side of the middle one were asking me to advise herto pay better attention to them, to listen to them more thoughtfully.I thought they were saying in Arabic that they wanted me tomake their sister listen, to make their sister hear. So I tried to speakto the sister in the middle. I tried to convince her to be more open,more receptive, more attentive to her sisters on either side of her.The two sisters on either side heard what I was saying andlooked vexed. “No, no, Abuna,” they said, “that’s not what wemean.” So I stated my case more firmly to the sister in the middle.I told her it was her Christian obligation and her responsibilityfrom baptism to be hospitable to the members of her family, toshow the person of Christ in his patience and forbearance to them.The sisters on either side looked even more disturbed than before.“No, no, Abuna, that’s not what we mean.”Then I looked helplessly at both of them, gesturing that I couldnot understand them at all. I threw both my hands in the air, palmsface up, to show my lack of comprehension. When I did that, eachsister grabbed one of my hands. They placed them over the right
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Copyright © 2002 by Mark Gruber, O
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JOURNEY BACK TO EDENMy Life and Tim
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In gratitude to Abuna Elia,the sain
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CONTENTSPreface ...................
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PREFACEWhile in Egypt, I did not in
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PREFACExiElia, to whom this journal
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ABOUT THE COPTS AND THEIR DESERT MO
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2 INTRODUCTIONI will be traveling i
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4 INTRODUCTIONmy novitiate and had
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6 SEPTEMBERlarge high-rises. Appare
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8 SEPTEMBERprior to their trip so t
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10 SEPTEMBERyour hands—as much or
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12 SEPTEMBERA Beggar among BeggarsT
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14 SEPTEMBERlabored without rest or
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FATHER JOHN WATSONHis Holiness Pope
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18 SEPTEMBERHe drew a cross on top
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20 SEPTEMBERBlessed Lord,You brough
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22 SEPTEMBERtude, and silence, appr
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OCTOBERA TIME OF NEW BEGINNINGSThe
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26 OCTOBERcontradictions they fear
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28 OCTOBERdramatic effect of my hea
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30 OCTOBERWill my heart remain here
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NOVEMBERA TIME TO VISIT ABRAHAMGues
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34 NOVEMBERThe guest master, it tur
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Abuna Elia
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38 NOVEMBERBut in their case, he as
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40 NOVEMBERafter the death of Sarah
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42 NOVEMBERto take his son. All the
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44 NOVEMBERhe sojourned in Egypt in
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46 NOVEMBERthe monastic ideal to a
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48 NOVEMBERArabic LessonsNOVEMBER 2
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50 NOVEMBEROf course, it is not tru
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52 NOVEMBERthe Ark of Noah looked l
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54 NOVEMBERits life-giving water fr
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56 NOVEMBERCross more brightly: fal
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DECEMBERA TIME OF SIGNS: CAELUM ET
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60 DECEMBERfirst sold ourselves to
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62 DECEMBERis by fasting, most of a
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64 DECEMBERficient. If they can obt
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66 DECEMBERThe great apparitions of
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68 DECEMBERKing of the Jews, by the
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70 DECEMBEREveryone seeks the assis
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72 DECEMBERDECEMBER 15, MONDAYAlmos
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74 DECEMBERfor her. She is delighte
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76 DECEMBERtween Alexandria and Cai
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78 DECEMBERboth are real in the bod
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80 DECEMBERof faith which preserves
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82 DECEMBERI feel particularly sorr
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84 DECEMBERThe children—six, seve
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JANUARYA TIME OF CELEBRATIONJANUARY
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88 JANUARYEveryone, it seems, is mi
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90 JANUARYA Holiday VisitOn the eve
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92 JANUARYAlmost the whole orientat
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94 JANUARYI blessed water in their
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96 JANUARYI find myself in the unus
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98 JANUARYferent path, and every da
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100 JANUARYyour ageless love are cr
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102 JANUARYless because they’re a
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FATHER JOHN WATSONA Coptic Orthodox
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106 JANUARYheard a voice—perhaps
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108 JANUARYI reflected afterwards a
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110 JANUARYsolitude and in terms of
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112 FEBRUARYjust visiting the deser
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114 FEBRUARYJust then some of the p
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116 FEBRUARYThe children of the Pha
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118 FEBRUARYAbuna Elia said that th
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120 FEBRUARYGod. For all Christians
Page 137 and 138: 122 FEBRUARYFEBRUARY 18, WEDNESDAYD
Page 139 and 140: 124 FEBRUARYsources. I had some of
Page 141 and 142: 126 FEBRUARYshall be a sign and a w
Page 143 and 144: 128 FEBRUARYFEBRUARY 28, SATURDAYTh
Page 145 and 146: 130 MARCHmerich, the German mystic
Page 147 and 148: 132 MARCHThe wildflower meadows her
Page 149 and 150: 134 MARCHbishop who resides near he
Page 151 and 152: 136 MARCHOf Building Bonds and Brea
Page 153 and 154: 138 MARCHSprings in the DesertMARCH
Page 155 and 156: 140 MARCHwomen in the West experien
Page 157 and 158: 142 MARCHlunch somewhere, or they h
Page 159 and 160: 144 MARCHbe willing to move from my
Page 161 and 162: 146 MARCHA Fly on the WallMARCH 31,
Page 163 and 164: APRILA TIME OF CONSECRATIONOf Sands
Page 165 and 166: Grass mats cover the floor of a mon
Page 167 and 168: 152 APRILmony. Even recently, some
Page 169 and 170: 154 APRILwho are distributed everyw
Page 171 and 172: 156 APRILIn the papal compound I me
Page 173 and 174: 158 APRILin their own home parish.
Page 175 and 176: 160 APRILAfter greeting me he told
Page 177 and 178: 162 APRILI keep reminding myself th
Page 179 and 180: 164 APRILA Rare Spring HolidayAPRIL
Page 181 and 182: 166 APRILthat the very same innocen
Page 183 and 184: MAYA TIME TO PRESS ONWARDOases and
Page 185 and 186: 170 MAYthe commotion associated wit
Page 187: 172 MAYeven saw monks trying to get
Page 191 and 192: 176 MAYof grace that people can enf
Page 193 and 194: 178 MAYI’m staying at the house o
Page 195 and 196: 180 JUNEThe Cave of a SaintJUNE 5,
Page 197 and 198: 182 JUNEThe abbot of the monastery
Page 199 and 200: The gate of St. Anthony Monastery.
Page 201 and 202: 186 JUNEno place to lay his head”
Page 203 and 204: 188 JUNE“Fountains and Springs, B
Page 205 and 206: 190 JUNEmonks here, I decided to dr
Page 207 and 208: 192 JUNEof his family—and broke e
Page 209 and 210: JULYA TIME FOR FAREWELLSThe Crucibl
Page 211 and 212: 196 JULYare known in Egypt, and the
Page 213 and 214: 198 JULYthat, the heat is now reall
Page 215 and 216: 200 JULYbering the slap I received
Page 217 and 218: 202 JULYyou for our founder who cam
Page 219 and 220: 204 JULYJULY 23, THURSDAYI returned
Page 221 and 222: 206 JULYprize that Eve forfeited wh
Page 223: AFTERWORDFifteen years have passed
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