Journey Back to Eden.pdf - St Mark Coptic Orthodox Church Chicago

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A TIME OF UNCERTAINTY 9So I’m going to check out of this hotel tomorrow morning andgo to some place far cheaper. That is very possible, judging fromwhat I saw when I was riding in the taxi. Then I’m going to makemy way quickly to a monastery to do my living and working there.I must also try to find someone who can help me obtain the fundswhich were wired here.SEPTEMBER 7, SUNDAYI checked into the Talat Harb Hotel today. Really the hotel ofthe third-world traveler. But it’s fifty cents a day; that’s the incrediblething! Even with my very meager funds, I can handle stayinghere for some time, though I hazard to describe the conditions ofthis hotel, even in my notes. Suffice it to say that it’s neither sanitarynor safe, and there are lots of people staying here from allsides of life, people I might otherwise not get to meet, and fromplaces all around the world to which I might never get to go. Sudaneserefugees; Ethiopian deportees; Ugandan expatriates; failedcollege students; unemployed Lebanese migrants; and some veryintense-looking Islamic religious devotees. But here I will stay untilI find out what else I can do.Father of Glory,What else can I be, but exultant? So rarely can I exercisefair trust in your Providence as now. Now I reap the consequenceof my own carelessness. What have I done? I havecome thousands of miles into a world utterly foreign to me,with fearful aspects for me in my ignorance. The language Istudied is really not the one these people speak, and the contactsupon which I had depended have dried up or disappeared.My return ticket is dated for months away, and I amloath to attempt to reschedule my homecoming, preferring tobe lost to the world than to be a complete failure in it. Mygrant and virtually all my funds are lost in a hopeless maze ofArab bureaucracy, and I am residing in squalor.I am completely exhausted. If I collapse, as is likely, I shallat last know this side of the Cross and come to know Jesus ashave his finer friends. If I somehow recover beforehand, orthereafter, I shall have a testimony of your power and kindnessby which I could encourage others. I feel the joy of falling into
10 SEPTEMBERyour hands—as much or more by the accumulation of my faultsas by the lot drawn for me. And although you would be just indropping me further into the pit toward which I am headed, Ihave my whole attention turned to the moment of my receptioninto your hands, rather than on what may happen afterward.I thank you heartily for the drama of this hour. How elsecould I better commit my faith in your forgiveness of myfaults and the upholding of your love? The grace of this momentis better than any success which may follow, and offsetsin value any failures I may suffer. St. Ignatius prayed, “Giveme only Thy love and Thy grace.” I understand better nowthe meaning of the next line, “then do with me what Thouwilt.” Thank you for the lightness of faith in the gravity oflife. In spite of my weakness, I feel glad enough to think: “Ifthese be all the kinds of reversals and oppositions I will face inthe rest of my life, I would shortly be the saint I have alwaysfailed to be till now.” The Cross he bids me take up today isthe “sweet yoke” and “light burden” he promised, so I praythis in his name, Christ Jesus, my Lord.All Things EgyptianSEPTEMBER 8, MONDAYIt was a very tiring day. The heat in Cairo is still terrible. It’shard to get around this city, and one gets to be pretty soiled veryearly in the effort to negotiate it. Traffic is extraordinarily congestedand quite lawless to my eyes. At any rate, I tried to make myway to the Patriarchate today to see Pope Shenouda, hoping thathe had received my several letters, though he has never answeredany of them. Getting there was quite a project. I’m becoming veryreluctant to part with any funds. Paying taxis is an art in Cairo.The drivers recognize a tourist, especially an American, and ratesseem to go up. I’m having to learn how to negotiate with them bynaming a price stiffly and assertively when I first get in, and not deviatingfrom it. If I don’t name a price and let them name it, by thetime I get out, the fare will be too high. But I find that I can walk,and it’s good exercise. I’m getting over jet lag now altogether andgetting into the swing of things here, surrendering myself to thevicissitudes of life in this city and in this country.
Page 1 and 2: Copyright © 2002 by Mark Gruber, O
Page 4 and 5: JOURNEY BACK TO EDENMy Life and Tim
Page 6 and 7: In gratitude to Abuna Elia,the sain
Page 8 and 9: CONTENTSPreface ...................
Page 10 and 11: PREFACEWhile in Egypt, I did not in
Page 12 and 13: PREFACExiElia, to whom this journal
Page 14 and 15: ABOUT THE COPTS AND THEIR DESERT MO
Page 17 and 18: 2 INTRODUCTIONI will be traveling i
Page 19 and 20: 4 INTRODUCTIONmy novitiate and had
Page 21 and 22: 6 SEPTEMBERlarge high-rises. Appare
Page 23: 8 SEPTEMBERprior to their trip so t
Page 27 and 28: 12 SEPTEMBERA Beggar among BeggarsT
Page 29 and 30: 14 SEPTEMBERlabored without rest or
Page 31 and 32: FATHER JOHN WATSONHis Holiness Pope
Page 33 and 34: 18 SEPTEMBERHe drew a cross on top
Page 35 and 36: 20 SEPTEMBERBlessed Lord,You brough
Page 37 and 38: 22 SEPTEMBERtude, and silence, appr
Page 39 and 40: OCTOBERA TIME OF NEW BEGINNINGSThe
Page 41 and 42: 26 OCTOBERcontradictions they fear
Page 43 and 44: 28 OCTOBERdramatic effect of my hea
Page 45 and 46: 30 OCTOBERWill my heart remain here
Page 47 and 48: NOVEMBERA TIME TO VISIT ABRAHAMGues
Page 49 and 50: 34 NOVEMBERThe guest master, it tur
Page 51 and 52: Abuna Elia
Page 53 and 54: 38 NOVEMBERBut in their case, he as
Page 55 and 56: 40 NOVEMBERafter the death of Sarah
Page 57 and 58: 42 NOVEMBERto take his son. All the
Page 59 and 60: 44 NOVEMBERhe sojourned in Egypt in
Page 61 and 62: 46 NOVEMBERthe monastic ideal to a
Page 63 and 64: 48 NOVEMBERArabic LessonsNOVEMBER 2
Page 65 and 66: 50 NOVEMBEROf course, it is not tru
Page 67 and 68: 52 NOVEMBERthe Ark of Noah looked l
Page 69 and 70: 54 NOVEMBERits life-giving water fr
Page 71 and 72: 56 NOVEMBERCross more brightly: fal
Page 73 and 74: DECEMBERA TIME OF SIGNS: CAELUM ET
Page 75 and 76:
60 DECEMBERfirst sold ourselves to
Page 77 and 78:
62 DECEMBERis by fasting, most of a
Page 79 and 80:
64 DECEMBERficient. If they can obt
Page 81 and 82:
66 DECEMBERThe great apparitions of
Page 83 and 84:
68 DECEMBERKing of the Jews, by the
Page 85 and 86:
70 DECEMBEREveryone seeks the assis
Page 87 and 88:
72 DECEMBERDECEMBER 15, MONDAYAlmos
Page 89 and 90:
74 DECEMBERfor her. She is delighte
Page 91 and 92:
76 DECEMBERtween Alexandria and Cai
Page 93 and 94:
78 DECEMBERboth are real in the bod
Page 95 and 96:
80 DECEMBERof faith which preserves
Page 97 and 98:
82 DECEMBERI feel particularly sorr
Page 99 and 100:
84 DECEMBERThe children—six, seve
Page 101 and 102:
JANUARYA TIME OF CELEBRATIONJANUARY
Page 103 and 104:
88 JANUARYEveryone, it seems, is mi
Page 105 and 106:
90 JANUARYA Holiday VisitOn the eve
Page 107 and 108:
92 JANUARYAlmost the whole orientat
Page 109 and 110:
94 JANUARYI blessed water in their
Page 111 and 112:
96 JANUARYI find myself in the unus
Page 113 and 114:
98 JANUARYferent path, and every da
Page 115 and 116:
100 JANUARYyour ageless love are cr
Page 117 and 118:
102 JANUARYless because they’re a
Page 119 and 120:
FATHER JOHN WATSONA Coptic Orthodox
Page 121 and 122:
106 JANUARYheard a voice—perhaps
Page 123 and 124:
108 JANUARYI reflected afterwards a
Page 125 and 126:
110 JANUARYsolitude and in terms of
Page 127 and 128:
112 FEBRUARYjust visiting the deser
Page 129 and 130:
114 FEBRUARYJust then some of the p
Page 131 and 132:
116 FEBRUARYThe children of the Pha
Page 133 and 134:
118 FEBRUARYAbuna Elia said that th
Page 135 and 136:
120 FEBRUARYGod. For all Christians
Page 137 and 138:
122 FEBRUARYFEBRUARY 18, WEDNESDAYD
Page 139 and 140:
124 FEBRUARYsources. I had some of
Page 141 and 142:
126 FEBRUARYshall be a sign and a w
Page 143 and 144:
128 FEBRUARYFEBRUARY 28, SATURDAYTh
Page 145 and 146:
130 MARCHmerich, the German mystic
Page 147 and 148:
132 MARCHThe wildflower meadows her
Page 149 and 150:
134 MARCHbishop who resides near he
Page 151 and 152:
136 MARCHOf Building Bonds and Brea
Page 153 and 154:
138 MARCHSprings in the DesertMARCH
Page 155 and 156:
140 MARCHwomen in the West experien
Page 157 and 158:
142 MARCHlunch somewhere, or they h
Page 159 and 160:
144 MARCHbe willing to move from my
Page 161 and 162:
146 MARCHA Fly on the WallMARCH 31,
Page 163 and 164:
APRILA TIME OF CONSECRATIONOf Sands
Page 165 and 166:
Grass mats cover the floor of a mon
Page 167 and 168:
152 APRILmony. Even recently, some
Page 169 and 170:
154 APRILwho are distributed everyw
Page 171 and 172:
156 APRILIn the papal compound I me
Page 173 and 174:
158 APRILin their own home parish.
Page 175 and 176:
160 APRILAfter greeting me he told
Page 177 and 178:
162 APRILI keep reminding myself th
Page 179 and 180:
164 APRILA Rare Spring HolidayAPRIL
Page 181 and 182:
166 APRILthat the very same innocen
Page 183 and 184:
MAYA TIME TO PRESS ONWARDOases and
Page 185 and 186:
170 MAYthe commotion associated wit
Page 187 and 188:
172 MAYeven saw monks trying to get
Page 189 and 190:
174 MAYNevertheless, I ask you to a
Page 191 and 192:
176 MAYof grace that people can enf
Page 193 and 194:
178 MAYI’m staying at the house o
Page 195 and 196:
180 JUNEThe Cave of a SaintJUNE 5,
Page 197 and 198:
182 JUNEThe abbot of the monastery
Page 199 and 200:
The gate of St. Anthony Monastery.
Page 201 and 202:
186 JUNEno place to lay his head”
Page 203 and 204:
188 JUNE“Fountains and Springs, B
Page 205 and 206:
190 JUNEmonks here, I decided to dr
Page 207 and 208:
192 JUNEof his family—and broke e
Page 209 and 210:
JULYA TIME FOR FAREWELLSThe Crucibl
Page 211 and 212:
196 JULYare known in Egypt, and the
Page 213 and 214:
198 JULYthat, the heat is now reall
Page 215 and 216:
200 JULYbering the slap I received
Page 217 and 218:
202 JULYyou for our founder who cam
Page 219 and 220:
204 JULYJULY 23, THURSDAYI returned
Page 221 and 222:
206 JULYprize that Eve forfeited wh
Page 223:
AFTERWORDFifteen years have passed
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