Torrance Journal for Applied Creativity

Too High Expectations Lead to Underachievement
Figure 4 describes the paths that many gifted and creative children take
when they feel extreme pressure to accomplish what they fear they are unable to
achieve. I have excerpted here pages from my book, How to Parent So Children Will
Learn (Rimm, 2008), that describes this figure:
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Figure 4
The children in the inner circle (figure 4) are achievers. They've internalized a sense of
the relationship between effort and outcome—that is, they persevere because they recognize
that their efforts make a difference. They know how to cope with competition. They love to win,
but when they lose or experience a failure, they don't give up. Instead, they try again. They don't
view themselves as failures but only see some experiences as unsuccessful and learn from them.
No children (or adults) remain in the inner circle at all times; however, the inner circle represents
the predominant behavior of achieving people.
Outside the circle are prototypical children who represent characteristics of underachievement.
These children have learned avoidance and defensive behaviors to protect their
fragile self-concepts because they fear taking the risk or making the efforts that might lead to
less-than-perfect performance.
The children on the left side of the figure are those who have learned to manipulate
adults in dependent ways. Their words and body language say, "Take care of me," "Protect me,"
"This is too hard," "Feel sorry for me," "I need help." Adults in these children's lives listen to their
children too literally and unintentionally provide more protection and help than children need. As
a result, these children get so much help from others that they lose self-confidence. They do less,
and parents and teachers expect less. They become expert at avoiding what they fear.
On the right side of the figure are the dominant children. These children only select
activities in which they feel confident they’ll be winners. They tend to believe that they know
best about almost everything. They manipulate by trapping parents and teachers into arguments.
The adults attempt to be fair and rational, while the dominant children attempt to win because
they’re convinced they’re right. If the children lose, they consider the adults to be mean, unfair,
or the enemy. Once the adults are established as unfair enemies, the children use that enmity
as an excuse for not doing their work or taking on their responsibilities. Furthermore, they often
manage to get someone on their side in an alliance against that adult.
Gradually, these children increase their list of adult enemies. They lose confidence in
themselves because their confidence is based precariously on their successful manipulation of
parents and teachers. When adults tire of being manipulated and respond negatively, dominant
children complain that adults don’t understand
or like them, and a negative atmosphere
becomes pervasive.
The difference between the upper
and lower quadrants in Figure 4 is the degree
and visibility of these children’s problems.
Children in the upper quadrants have minor
problems which they often outgrow. Parents
who understand the potential for their worsening
can often prevent them from escalating.
If upper-quadrant children continue in their
patterns, however, they will likely move into
the lower quadrants. Most of the dependent
children will, by adolescence, change to dominant
or mixed dependent-dominant patterns.
There are also some children who combine
both dependent and dominant characteristics
from the start.
Dependent and dominant children
practice these control patterns for several
years before they enter school. It feels to
them that these behaviors work well, and they
know of no others. They carry them into the
classroom and expect to relate to teachers and
peers in the same way that they have to their
family. Teachers may be effective in improving
some of the children’s ways of relating; however,
the more extreme the dependency or
dominance, the more difficult it is to modify.
Furthermore, teachers may respond intuitively
to these children in ways that only exacerbate
the problem. The dependency pattern often
disguises itself as shyness, insecurity, immaturity,
inattentiveness, or even a learning disability.
Teachers may also protect these children
too much.
The dominant pattern does not
always show itself in the early elementary
grades because the child feels fulfilled by the
excitement and power of school achievement.
Dominance may also be exhibited as giftedness
or creativity, or, not so positively, as ADHD
or a discipline problem. If it shows itself as a
discipline problem, teachers may label these
children negatively. The children may end up
sitting next to the teacher’s desk or against the
wall with a reputation as being the “bad” kid
of the class. Parents often refer to a dominant
child as strong willed or stubborn.
Even if some teachers manage these
children well in school, the dependent or dominant
patterns may continue to be reinforced
at home or in other classrooms. As time goes
on, dependent and dominant children are
likely to become underachievers because their
self-confidence is built on manipulating others
instead of on their own accomplishments.
In granting children appropriate
power, we must give them sufficient freedom
to provide them with the courage for intellectual
risk-taking. However, we should also
teach sufficient humility so that they recognize
that their views of the world are not the only
correct ones. Although we need to empower
them enough to study, learn, question, persevere,
challenge, and discuss, we cannot grant
them so much power that they infringe on