Uncle Andy's Digest - March 2021

UNCLE

ANDY’S

DIGEST SINCE

DAILY, WEEKLY, & MONTHLY

RENTALS AVAILABLE!

For details, call Ryan Kennard

207-346-0279

Celebrating

MARCH

2021

1996

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.

Whited Equipment Co. is your

New Factory Authorized Hyundai

Construction Equipment dealer

for Central & Southern Maine.

New & used available!

Sales • Lease • Rentals

Parts & Service

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

Years

207-782-7113

Get Your FREE

Quote Today!

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com

The Weather

Outside is frightful

but Our Stores Are So

Delightful!

7 4 1 M a i n S t - 4 0 L i s b o n S t

C R A F T C A N N A B I S | A R T I S A N A L E X T R A C T S | I N C R E D I B L E E D I B L E S

t h c M E D C o . c o m | 1 - 8 6 6 - 4 2 - M E D C o | O p e n E v e r y d a y 9 a m - 9 p m

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

March 2021 UncleAndys.com 1

Having recently moved to Texas from the Northeast, I used my snowblower to remove a

foot of global warming this morning.

Your Vision. Our Expertise.

Kitchens, Baths, Decks & More!

• Windows/Doors

• Siding

• Custom Tile

• Lead Certified

• VA Special Adaptive Housing

• Handicap Accessible Projects

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

www.deepcleanjs.com

deepcleanjs@yahoo.com

10% REFERRAL BONUS

Know someone searching for a new cleaning company?

Mention this ad to them and we will pay you 10% of their full invoice when they hire us!

207-712-2765

PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY

Excellence in commercial cleaning &

janitorial services when you choose

Deep Clean Janitorial Services

Commercial/Office

Construction Sites

Apartment Turnovers

Floors/Tile/Carpets

COVID-19:

Disinfecting services to help keep your

employees and customers safe.

Drink green beer on St. Patrick’s Day! It counts as a vegetable!

To everyone that received a book from me for Christmas,

they’re due back at the library on Friday.

MODERN WOODMEN

OF AMERICA

MARCH 2021

ACTIVITIES

Tuesday, March 23rd

Luiggi’s (Take-Out Only)

63 Sabattus Street Lewiston

Due to COVID-19 restrictions

this will be Take-Out Only.

Tickets must be purchased at

the MWA District Office @ 184

Webster Street Lewiston on

3-17-2021 from 9:00-11:00am,

or 3-18-2021 from 2:00-4:00pm.

Out ‘n About at

The Shop

This

t-shirt is

so accurate.

The Digest is

certainly legendary!

Just like the

classic hot rods

we work on at

The Shop!

Mike Smith

Owner

I’ll be

wearing this at our

next gig! Come see

the FiveShadow

Band!

Tim Soule

I’ve suddenly become interested in golf during the pandemic.

I want to see the U.S. Open.


...with

Jimbo



is published by the first

Friday of every month by

Maine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with its world

headquarters located at

9 Grove Street, Auburn,

Maine, USA.

Published and distributed

since 1996 throughout

Central Maine and mailed to

subscribers all over the Free

World. Subscriptions are

$36/year.

UncleAndysDigest.com

Office: 207-783-7039

UAD Super Heroes

CAPTAIN

JIMBO

I thought I found a four leaf clover, but it was really poison ivy.

There goes my rash of good luck!

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

Call 514-0660 for a Free Consultation!

All work

done on-site.

Repairs usually

same day

service!

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

Smile in

Comfort

WONDER

WOMAN

TYLA

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

4

SUPERGIRL

KATIE

BATGIRL

STEPHANIE

IRONSIDES

STEVE

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries

very hard to ensure the accuracy

of the information in our clients’

advertisements and our publication

in general, we are not responsible

for vendor availability, typographical

errors, technical inaccuracies, product

pricing errors, or omissions.

Jimbo

March 2021 783-7039

Joe & Mike

Adkins

Licensed

Denturists

Call us today for:

• Full Dentures

• Immediate Dentures

• Partial Dentures

• Rebases • Relines • Repairs

Like Our Name Implies,

We’ll Make You

SMILE

AGAIN

smileagaindentures@gmail.com SmileAgainDentures.com

One of the hardest decisions in life is when to start middle age.

2021 is going more viral than anyone ever imagined.

MAIN STREET MARKET

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502

MONDAY

Ham Italians

Sm $1.99 Lg. $2.99

WEDNESDAY

Chicken Salad

Sm $2.49 Lg. $3.99

FRIDAY

Tuna Italian

Sm $2.49 Lg. $3.99

SUNDAY

$2.00 OFF

Any large pizza

Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week

TUESDAY

Small 1-topping Pizza

10" pizza $3.99

THURSDAY

Bowl of Chili

$3.99

B.L.T.

Sm. $2.49

Lg. $3.99

SATURDAY

Baked Beans

Pint $2.99 Quart $3.99

Full beans ’n franks meal $8.59

Breakfast Sandwiches $1.99

Hash browns 2/$1.00

Coffee all sizes $0.99

We accept cash, checks,

major credit/debit cards, & EBT

Basketball players are such messy eaters. They’re always dribbling!

Out ‘n About with

Murray-Heutz

Oil & Propane

For the Fuel the Love event

We delivered

1,370 gallons of

fuel to nine customers,

free of charge!

That’s going to help

keep a lot of people

warm!

Joey Campbell

I love working

for a company

that gives back to

the community!

Licensed & Insured

Southern to Central Maine

• Design & Build

• Installation

• Service

Dave Levesque

OUR DIFFERENCE?

It’s in our core beliefs

2085 Lisbon Rd., Ste. 7, Lewiston

207-795-7800

regionalelectric.com

Steve Temple

PERKATORY: The anguished prolonged period spent waiting

for a fresh pot of coffee to be ready.


...with

Jimbo


I paid $1,000 for my grand piano.

Out ‘n About at Uncle Andy’s Digest

world headquarters

It’s why I’m here.

Your home and car are more than just things.

They’re where you make memories – and they

deserve the right protection. I get it. It’s why

I’m here.

LET’S TALK TODAY.

We were

investigating the

“goat farm” next door.*

No farms here, but

definitely some wild

animals inside of the

Digest world

headquarters!

Reporter Jon Chrisos & Photographer

Jack Amrock, WGME

*An “On Your Side” piece by WGME

investigating fraudulent PPP loans

Turn up the

Volume

Submitted by Steve Simard

Steve was at Pa’s Tradin’

Post one day when

he noticed a beautiful

52" television set.

HOME OWNERSHIP MADE SIMPLE

Whether you’re looking to buy, sell, or build a home,

our growing team works with you every step of the way!

Steve asked the clerk

what the price of the

TV set was.

“The set is being sold

for $1,” the clerk said.

“But it’s that price

because the volume

is stuck at the highest

setting.”

“Well, geez, at that price

I can’t turn it down!”

Jon

Mercier

Mark

Turner

Toni

Ferraro

Brandon

Caruso

Deb

Morin

Zach

Caldwell

Linda

Dupuis

mainesourcehomes.com

207.333.6001

259 Minot Avenue, Auburn

Regina

Ritchie

Dustin

Mallar

Zach

Lutick


Jimbo

6 March 2021 783-7039

I never iron my four leaf clovers. I don’t want to press my luck.

My husband and I have a magical relationship –

whenever I ask him to do something, he disappears!

Out ‘n About

at Call of the

Wild RV Center

For their Open House

Come

see us for

all your camping

needs! Pop-ups, RVs,

Motorhomes, supplies,

and service...

we’ve got you

covered!

Jeremy Kennison

President

Can you

see yourself in one

of these beautiful

rolling estates?

The Chapman House has private rooms available

for residents, aged 65 and older, that need

assistance with bathing, medications, and meals.

We provide a warm and

comfortable home for our residents

41 Pleasant Street

Auburn

207-783-0961

It’s freezing out there! I could use a bit more of that global warming.

Hunter Pollard

Justin Kennison


...with

Jimbo


Out ‘n About

at Call of the

Wild RV Center


There’s

nothing better

than great friends,

campfires, and Uncle

Andy’s Digest!

Dan & Brenda

Johnson

People wear shamrocks on St. Paddy’s Day because real rocks are too heavy.

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

We Are Standing Strong!

William J. Rogers Post 153 will abide

by COVID-19 executive orders from the

Governor and guidelines set forth by the

CDC, DHHS, & DECD.

Our staff and volunteers will take

necessary precautions to ensure safety

for all. We ask that you follow safety

guidelines as well. MASKS ARE

REQUIRED - PLEASE WEAR YOUR

MASKS WHENEVER POSSIBLE.

PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING.

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more information

207-782-1118

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118

Members & Guests Welcome

Hours:

Monday through Thursday: 12p-6p

Friday & Saturday: 12p-7p • Sunday: 11a-6p

MARCH DINNERS TO GO/CURBSIDE PICKUP

All March Dinners are from 4:30p-6:30p

Limited seating available - help us by calling ahead for your orders.

9am-12pm, 207-312-8284 12pm-4pm, 207-212-1466

Ask about our drink specials!

SATURDAY, MARCH 6 TH : Boneless ribs w/mashed potato, veggies,

salad, & roll

SATURDAY, MARCH 13 TH : Meatloaf w/mashed potato, gravy, veggies,

salad, & roll

SATURDAY, MARCH 20 TH : St. Patrick’s Dinner

Corned beef, potato, carrots, cabbage, salad, & Irish soda bread

SATURDAY, MARCH 27 TH : Baked beans, hot dog, coleslaw, & bread

MONTHLY MEETING

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 17 TH

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM

GENERAL MEETING, 7PM

Bloody Mary Sundays by Kevin!

11am-6pm

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to COVID-19/Coronavirus, all activities

are subject to change. Follow us on Facebook page for updates.

There’s one thing about being bald - it’s neat!

Making your NEW Automobile dreams come true!


8

Brandon

Mendoza

Two happy

glampers* right

here!

Lillian & Glenn

Strait

*glamour (luxury) camping

Jimbo

March 2021 783-7039

Great Falls

Federal Credit Union

www.GreatFallsfcu.com

34 Bates St, Lewiston • 782-7192

760 Minot Ave., Auburn • 753-0500

*Annual Percentage Rate.

Rates subject to change/limited time

Great Rates

on Transfer

Loans!

As low as

1.95 %

*apr

• No application fees

• Pre-approval available

• Convenient terms

Michele

2.20 %

*apr

2.45 %

*apr

I hate it when everyone thinks I’m going to make dinner just because I’m the Mom.

Nancy

Restrictions & qualifications apply

HAS IT ALL

Cranberry Walnut

Chicken Salad Wrap

w/lettuce & tomato

(chips extra)

Only $

6 .00

Your one-stop shop for:

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)

• Agency liquor store with beer cave

• Lottery tickets

• Redemption center

Full serve catering at the

location of your choice.

Book Your

2021

Events Now!

207-345-9009

DadsPlaceCatering.com

207-345-5551

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

Catering

Dad’s Redemption Center

6¢ a

bottle for

Make-A-Wish

Donations!

Redemption Center is

directly behind Dad’s Place

DONATE YOUR

BOTTLES TO

Help grant a wish to a local child

battling a critical illness

See our redemption ad on page 33.

Moose

Hunting

Submitted by Tyla Davis

When the clock factory caught fire, second hand smoke was everywhere.

Two Irishmen flew to

Canada on a hunting

trip. They chartered

a small plane to take

them into the Rockies

for a week of moose

hunting.

The two Irishmen managed

to bag six moose.

As they were loading

the plane to return, the

pilot informed them that

the plane could only

hold four moose.

The two lads objected

strongly. “Last year, we

shot six. The pilot let

us take them all and

he had the same sort

of plane as yours.”

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Serving Breakfast All Day!

Corned Beef Dinner

on St. Patrick’s Day

Corned beef, potatoes,

carrots, turnip, cabbage,

and onions. Meal includes

a dessert.

87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171

RollysNewAuburn.com

CLOSED MONDAY,

Tues – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,

Sunday 7 am – noon

Very reluctantly, the

pilot gave in and all six

moose were loaded into

the aircraft. The plane

took off. However, while

attempting to climb over

some mountains, even

on full power, the little

plane couldn’t possibly

handle the load and

went down.

I’m so jealous of the Irish. I’m green with envy.

Out ‘n About with Murray-Heutz Oil & Propane

for the Fuel the Love event

The two Irishmen were

so fortunate to have

survived the crash. As

they sat in the snow,

surrounded by the

hunted moose, Mick

looked over at Paddy

and asked, “Do you

have any idea where

we are?”

Paddy looked around

for a minute and then

replied, “I think we’re

pretty close to where

we crashed last year.”


10

Jimbo

March 2021 783-7039

Joey Campbell, Steve Temple, Russell Bryant, Ashley May, Troy Lambert,

Steve Elsan, Mike Colleran, Mike Christner, Laurie Pelletier, & Dave Levesque

A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the workday.

— Submitted by Liz Walker

MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE

EVERY MONDAY

20% OFF

All Burgers

30% OFF

All Drafts

MARCH

MADNESS!

Come watch your favorite

sporting event with us!

11 TV’s

18 Beers on tap

& full menu available

ALL the time!

We

Cater!

Weddings, Banquets,

Birthdays, Corporate

Parties, and more!

No event too BIG

or SMALL...

We cater it ALL!

ST. PADDY’S DAY

SPECIAL

Bangers &

Mashed

or Corned Beef

& Cabbage

Mac’s

offers the

best catering

service

around!

Join

us for some

St. Paddy’s Day

cheer!

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

Now

Hiring

Relaxing

Robins


Two robins were sitting

in a tree on a sunny

spring day.

“I’m really hungry,” said

the first one. “Let’s fly

down and find some

lunch.”

They flew down to

the ground and found

a nice plot of newly

plowed ground that

was full of worms.

They ate and ate and

ate until they could eat

no more!

“I’m so full, I don’t think

I can fly back up to the

nest we found in the

tree,” said the first one.

“Let’s just lie back here

and bask in the warm

sun,” said the second.

“OK,” agreed the first.

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

COME JOIN OUR TEAM!

You’ll be glad you did!

We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals

To apply:

www.jfmhomes.org or 207-783-2726 x202

IS YOUR BUSINESS HIRING?

Advertise in our


section to get your job opening viewed by more

than 20,000 readers each month! Call today FMI!

207-783-7039

The two birds plopped

down, relaxing in the

sun. No sooner than

they had fallen asleep,

when a big, fat tomcat

jumped and gobbled

them up. As the feline

foe sat washing his

face after his meal, he

thought, “There’s nothing

better than baskin’

robins!”

We are Looking for

Licensed Electricians

Apply

Within

RoySnow.com

207.782.3734

Serving Maine since 1947

11 Library Ave.

Auburn


Jimbo

12 March 2021 783-7039

Leprechauns are hard to get along with because of their short tempers.


WANTED: Year Round Flaggers

Androscoggin,

Cumberland,

and Oxford

County Areas

Now

Hiring

Out ‘n About

at Call of the

Wild RV Center


RV having

fun yet?

Call Today 207-225-5627

www.atwork.com

No Experience Necessary! Train Today, Work Tomorrow!

Starting Pay: $15.00+/hr

When a basketball player loses his eyesight he becomes a referee.

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION IS GROWING!

We are seeking experienced service and

installation technicians to join our team!

PLEASE CALL 207-777-5600

Air Conditioning & Heating

Jeff Mecervier

Home

is where you

park it.

Erica Spiller

Life

rocks

when your

home

rolls.

24 Hour

Service

protechoffice11@yahoo.com

Fully Insured

Lauren Kimball

The perfect gift for a wife who has everything – a husband who can pay for it!


...with

Jimbo


Now

Hiring


Out ‘n About

at Call of the

Wild RV Center


Looking

at all these

campers

makes me

want winter

to go away!

Come on

spring!

Dan Wilson &

Mackenzie

I Googled

my symptoms, it

turns out I just need

to go camping.

Alligators can live up to 100 years. There’s a high probability that they will see you later.

Out ‘n About at Call of the Wild RV Center for their Open House

Here at

Call of the Wild

RV Center, we help

you collect moments...

not things.

Kathy & Billy

Thomas


14

John & Linda

Chase

Jimbo

March 2021 783-7039

Sabrina Kennison

Based on my bank account, the only Apple product I can afford is juice.

The archaeologist’s whole career was in ruins.

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•

We have 15+ delicious beers on tap

- and to go -

Brewed Right here,

For you.

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN 207.689.3030

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM

* PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR WINTER HOURS

CBD THC CBD THC CBD THC CBD THC CBD THC

Come Visit Our New Location

Mention our ad and receive

10% off of your purchase!

Exp. 3/31/2021

Painted

Church


There once was a little

old church out in the

countryside that was

painted white and with

a high steeple.

One Sunday, the

pastor of that church

noticed that his building

needed painting.

He checked out the

Sunday ads and found

a sale on paint from a

local store.

The next day, he went

into town and bought

a gallon of white paint.

He went back out to

the church and began

the job. He got done

with the first side. It

was looking great.

But he noticed he had

already used a half

gallon.

694 Main Street, Lewiston

www.crystalspringha.com

207-241-2590

Check out

our daily

specials!

He didn’t want to run

back in town, and being

the creative person

that he was, he found

a gallon of thinner in

the shed out back, and

began to thin his paint.

KNOW

WHO

YOU

HIRE!

Maine’s largest resource for:

Background Searches

Criminal • Driving • Sex Offenders

207-783-0000

corporateintelligenceinc.com

It worked out great. He

finished the remaining

three sides with

that last half gallon of

paint. But that night,

a big rain storm rolled

through town, drenching

everything in sight.

In the morning, when

the pastor stepped outside

of the parsonage

to admire his work, he

saw that the first side

looked great,

Continued on next page

There was a huge fight at the seafood restaurant. Battered fish everywhere.


...with

Jimbo


Continued from previous page

but the paint on the

other three sides had

washed away.

The pastor looked up

in sky in anguish, and

cried out, “What shall

I do?”

A voice came back

from the heavens saying,

“Repaint, and thin

no more!”

Get Well Soon

Submitted by Jimbo

A motorcycle cop was

rushed to the hospital

with an inflamed

appendix.

The doctors operated

and advised him that

all was well. However,

the patrolman kept

feeling something pulling

at the hairs on his

chest. Worried that it

might be a second surgery

the doctors hadn’t

told him about, he

finally got enough energy

to pull his hospital

gown down enough so

he could look at what

was making him so

uncomfortable.

John Blanchette

• RISK CONSULTING

I noticed my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony.

Then, I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

• BUSINESS ANALYTICS

Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month

$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.

Maine Realty Advisors

FRANK CARR

Your real estate investment advisor

Brokering your buying & selling needs

207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com

You just never

see it coming.

PROTECT YOUR COMPANY WITH THE

RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE

Contact John today at 207-784-9358

• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE

• CLAIMS SUPPORT

www.nfp.com

Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.

(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.

Join us for St.Paddy’s Day

Corned Beef & Cabbage Meal

• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT

•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS

Taped firmly across his

hairy chest were three

wide strips of adhesive

tape, the ultra sticky

kind. Written in large

black letters was the

sentence, “Get well

soon! Love, from the

nurse you gave a ticket

to last week!”


16

Jimbo

March 2021 783-7039

www.villageinnmaine.com

Never make snow angels in a dog park.

165 High St. Auburn

207-782-7796

If you see a toilet in your dreams, do not use it.

AUTOS WANTED

Donate your car to kids! Fast free pickup running or not - 24

hour response. Maximum tax donation. Help find missing

kids! 877-831- 1448

EDUCATION

Train online to do medical billing! Become a Medical Office

Professional at CTI! Get trained & certified to work in

months! 888-572-6790. (M-F 8-6 ET)

EMPLOYMENT

The Association of Community Publishers (ACP) is searching

for an Executive Director. If interested, visit afcp.org or

ifpa.com and click on the “Executive Director Search” link for

more details.

FOR SALE

Searching for products to resell? $50 Laptops, $30 TV’s, $10

Smart Phones, $4 Jeans. Liquidations from 200+ leading

liquidators. Visit: CloseoutsOnline.com

HEALTH & FITNESS

Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company.

Covers 350 procedures. Real insurance - not a discount

plan. Get your free dental info kit! 1-888-623-3036 www.

dental50plus.com/58 #6258

VIAGRA and CIALIS USERS! 50 Generic Pills SPECIAL

$99.00 FREE Shipping! 100% guaranteed. 24/7 CALL NOW!

888-445-5928 Hablamos Español

MISCELLANEOUS

The Generac PWRcell solar plus battery storage system.

Save money, reduce reliance on grid, prepare for outages

& power your home. Full installation services. $0 down

financing option. Request free no obligation quote.

1-855-270-3785

Thinking about installing a new shower? American Standard

makes it easy. Free design consult.1-888-674-3005 today to

see how to save $1,000 on installation or visit

www.newshowerdeal.com/display

HughesNet Satellite Internet – Finally, no hard data limits!

Call Today for speeds up to 25mbps as low as $59.99/mo!

$75 gift card, terms apply. 1-844-863-4478

GENERAC Standby Generators. The weather is increasingly

unpredictable. Be prepared for power outages. FREE 7-year

extended warranty ($695 value!) Schedule FREE in-home

assessment. 1-844-334-8353 special financing if qualified.

Eliminate gutter cleaning forever! LeafFilter, most advanced

debris-blocking protection. Schedule free estimate. 15% off

Purchase. 10% Senior & Military Discounts.

Call 1-855-995-2490

Directv Now. No Satellite. $40/mo 65 Channels. Stream

news, live events, sports & on demand titles. No contract/

commitment. 1-866-825-6523

Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is capable of

full 24/7 oxygen delivery. Only 2.8 pounds. Free info kit. Call

877-929-9587

DISH TV $64.99 For 190 Channels + $14.95 High Speed

Internet. Free Installation, Smart HD DVR Included, Free

Voice Remote. Some restrictions apply. Promo Expires

7/21/21.1-833-872-2545

New authors wanted! Page Publishing will help self-publish

your book. Free author submission kit! Limited offer!

866-951-7214

Protect your home w/home security monitored by ADT.

Starting at $27.99/mo. Get free equipment bundle including

keypad, motion sensor, wireless door & windows sensors.

833-719-1073

Hearing aids! Bogo free! High-quality rechargeable Nano

hearing aids priced 90% less than competitors. Nearly invisible!

45-day money back guarantee! 833-669-5806

AT&T Internet. Starting at $40/month w/12-mo agmt. 1 TB

of data/mo. Ask how to bundle & SAVE! Geo & svc restrictions

apply. 1-888-796-8850

Life Alert. One press of a button sends help fast 24/7! At

home and on the go. Mobile Pendant with GPS. Free first aid

kit (with subscription.) 877-537-8817 Free brochure.

Attention: If you or a loved one worked around the pesticide

Roundup (glyphosate) for at least 2 years & has been diagnosed

with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, you may be entitled to

compensation. 855-341-5793

WANTED TO BUY

Wants to purchase minerals and other oil and gas interests.

Send details to P.O. Box 13557 Denver, CO 80201

Out ‘n About

at Call of the

Wild RV Center


An RV is the

best investment you

can make in

wheel estate!

Chris Denlinger Jr.

Ryan Bryce

Prepare for unexpected

power outages with a

Generac home standby

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newshowerdeal.com/display | 888-674-3005

The Tupperware sales woman escaped from jail because they couldn’t container.


...with

Jimbo


Out ‘n About

at Call of the

Wild RV Center


I need

a time out. Send

me camping and

don’t let me come

back until my

attitude

changes.

I got my husband a new high-tech knife for our anniversary.

He loves the cutting edge technology.

The Fortin Group

Proudly serving the communities of

Lewiston and Auburn for over 100 years.

The cost of living keeps going up.

The cost of your funeral doesn’t have to.

Pre-plan now and your cost will be locked in.

AUBURN

217 Turner Street

207-783-8545

LEWISTON

70 Horton Street

207-784-4584

Derek Shelton

Out ‘n About at

Luiggi’s

25 years

is impressive!

Congratulations

Uncle Andy’s

Digest! It’s been a

great quarter century

of laughs and

supporting local

businesses like

Luiggi’s!

Angie St. Hilaire

Owner

I constantly dream about the color blue. But it’s just a pigment of my imagination.

DON’T KNOW

WHAT TO DO

NEXT? WE DO. ®

For any disaster,

call ServiceMaster!

WATER FIRE MOLD

29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn

(800) 244-7630

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com

www.smcarpetcleaning.com


Jimbo

18 March 2021 783-7039

I’m so lonely that I drive around town with my coffee cup

glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.

My obsession with visiting different hardware stores has me hitting new Lowe’s.

Everyone is a

little Irish...

when eating a Heidi’s Corned

Beef Sandwich or Reuben

600 Turner St. Auburn

207-784-3434

heidisauburn.com

415 Philbrook Ave. So. Portland

207-773-4800

heidissouthportland.com

Online ordering

and curbside pickup

available at

Heidisbrooklyndelime.com

Marriage

Retreat


While away on vacation,

Jimbo and his wife,

Sue, decided to take a

few days and attend a

marriage retreat.

During one particular

portion of the retreat,

the lecturer was talking

about being in-tune with

your partner’s favorite

things.

“You sir,” the lecturer

called out to Jimbo,

“how well do you know

your wife and what she

is fond of?”

“Well, I think I know her

pretty well. We’ve been

married for 27 years.”

Milk is the fastest liquid on earth. It’s pasteurized before you even see it.

We’ve got you covered!

Think Spring!

“Then this next question

should be an easy one

for you,” the lecturer

responded.

“Give it your best shot,”

Jimbo confidently

replied.

“What is your wife’s

favorite flower?” the

lecturer asked.

“Oh that’s easy. It’s

Gold Medal All

Purpose.”

Romance is

Dead

Submitted by Jimbo

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Locally Owned & Operated Since 1999

207-783-2246 • 150 East Ave. Lewiston • MaineInsuranceonline.com

My wife said she wanted to eat at the most expensive place in town,

so I brought her to the airport.

He claimed he loved

her, but would not give

up his life for her.

That is, he declared,

his undying love for

her.


...with

Jimbo


Lost Boots


Why is Miss Universe always from Earth?

At the end of one cold

winter day, when all

the other children were

leaving, the teacher

found one little kid crying,

so she asked him

what was wrong.

He sobbed, “I can’t find

my boots.”

The teacher looked

around the classroom

and saw a pair

of boots. “Are these

yours?”

“No, they’re not mine,”

said the little boy,

shaking his head.

Check us out on the

web, Facebook &

Instagram

Out ‘n About at Schemengees for their Pool League

The teacher and the

boy searched all over

the classroom for his

boots.

Finally, the teacher

gave up, “Are you sure

those boots are not

yours?”

“I’m sure,” the boy

sobbed, “mine had

snow on them.”

Lifetime

Opportunity

Submitted by Jimbo

The coach’s wife yells

to her husband, “It’s

Sports Illustrated on

the phone.”

The coach falls all

over himself racing to

the phone and says,

“Hello?”

Then he hears, “For

just $20 a year...”

Great food

with family at

Schemengees is

worth the trip!

Real People.

Really Great Service.

We’re the People Behind Payroll.

800-734-6880

PAYROLLMGT.COM

David Haines,

Samantha Rice,

Marc Haines,

Willa Jipson, &

Riley Rice

Payroll Processing

Time & Attendance

Workers’ Comp

Pay-As-You-Go


Jimbo

20 March 2021 783-7039

The only thing I have in common with Victoria’s Secret models is being hungry.

I’m somewhat skeptical that you’re laughing out loud as much as you claim to be.

Weddings at the Franco Center

Out ‘n About at

Schemengees

Bar & Grille

for their Pool League

Pool league

is a great way to

spend a Thursday

evening!

Dave Lebel

Owner

You can just

call me the Billiards

Bandit!

Ceremony to Reception

Schedule a tour today!

Call: 207-783-1585 Visit: www.francocenter.org

Email: events@francocenter.org

Zach Patterson

Carl Ouellette

The World Health Organization has announced dogs can’t get the virus

and can be let out of quarantine. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.


...with

Jimbo


Homework

Help

Submitted by Jimbo

“Dad,” said Little Johnny,

“I’m late for football

practice. Would you

please do my homework

for me?”

The father said irately,

“Son, it just wouldn’t

be right.”

“That’s okay,” replied

Little Johnny, “but you

could at least give it a

try, couldn’t you?”

Technically if you don’t cut the cake and eat it with a fork, you’ve only had one piece.

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p

47 Broad Street, Auburn

www.firehouseauburn.com

207-376-4959

HAPPY HOUR

Monday-Friday

2p-5p

WING WEDNESDAY

75¢ OFF

(dine in only)

BURGER MONDAY

$2 OFF

May your

glass ever

be full!

March Drink

Special

Irish Mule

$

9

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could counterfeit money I wouldn’t be at Dollar Tree.

Out ‘n About in the Digest from the 2006 archives

Reminiscing through our 25 years!

Community Credit Union

Serving our Members and Community for 75 years!

Lewiston • Auburn • Turner

www.communitycreditunion.com 207.783.2096

Ian Barclay, Dirty McCurdy


22

As I get older, I think of all the people I’ve lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.

Weather

Check


The sky was looking

ominous so I asked

Siri, “Surely, it’s not

going to rain today?”

Siri replied, “Yes it

is, and don’t call me

Shirley.”

That was when I realized

I’d left my phone

on Airplane mode.

Jimbo

March 2021 783-7039

Visit with the

EASTER BUNNY

March 25th - April 3rd

(In the Auburn Mall – by Appointment Only)

The Easter Bunny

will be hopping

into town!

Call for details!

ALSO OFFERING

Easter mini sessions from

March 1st - April 3rd

www.creativeonesphotography.com or

Call 207-333-9844

Our local water bottle factory has gone into liquidation.

They are giving away free money at a place called “work.”

Just go there, follow simple instructions, and you can get some!

Out ‘n About at

Schemengees

Bar & Grille


APRIL 16-18

Kora Shrine Center

11 Sabattus Street

Lewiston, ME

Kora ShrinerS

I will

definitely need

to do some

Gyrotonic work after

all this bending! Read

all about Gyrotonics and

what I do in the Spring

issue of LA Metro

Magazine, coming

out in April!

sportsmen expo

• Online Raffle

20 (+) Sportsmen Packages to be Raffled

Online Raffle runs Sat, April 10 – Sun, April 18

In-Person Raffle viewing at Kora Shrine TBD

• Entertainment

Mr. Drew & His Animals Too

Tirdy Works

Gary Crocker

• Demonstrations

FOR MORE

INFO VISIT

KORASHRINERS.ORG/

SPORTSMEN

• Youth Hunter Safety Course

Bill Knight

I wonder

who’s going to shoot

next? Find out after

the break!

Ed Lizotte

BILL GREEN

Guest Speakers

to include!

Great job announcing,

Ed. You’re

right on cue!

Eric Newell

People said I’d never get over my obsession with Phil Collins, but take a look at me now.


...with

Jimbo


On the Lam


Ronnie’s elementary

school class went on

a field trip to the local

police department.

While on their tour, the

police officer showing

them around pointed

out a wall of photos.

“Kids, this is our 10

most wanted fugitives.

These are the men

and woman who have

done some really bad

things and are now on

the run from the law.”

Ronnie raised his hand

and when he was acknowledged,

he asked,

“So all of these photos

are people you are

looking to arrest, but

you haven’t managed

to catch them yet?”

“You are right, young

man,” the officer said.

“We want very badly to

bring these folks into

custody.”

“Then why didn’t

you just arrest them

when you took their

pictures?”

OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

WE’RE HERE WITH GREAT DEALS!

• VIDEOS, GAMES

PA’S

• TOOLS

• ICE FISHING SUPPLIES

TRADIN’

• FURNITURE

COMPANY Inc.

BUY • SELL • TRADE

PAWN

Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer

1447 Main Street, Oxford

Only 25 Minutes from

Auburn & Gray

Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm

207-743-0709 or

1-877-743-0709

Gun Background Checks/Transfers

Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

POLLY’S VARIETY

115 King Street • Oxford

CALL AHEAD

FOR ORDERS!

Take out window available

Voted one of

Maine’s Best

Pizza Places!

2016 WMTW

Facebook Fan poll

No More Crackers

Polly W ants Pizza

Pizza Ham Italian Special Greek Salad

207-539-8254

www.pollysvariety.com

• & MUCH MORE!

BUYING GUNS!

Use your tax returns to

purchase quality items

at bargain pricing

NEW ARRIVALS

Rifles & Guns

March

Special

3 Ham

Italians

$15 .99

Expires

03/31/2021

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm

A handful of athletes were disqualified from the tournament after testing positive for WD-40. The rest squeaked by.

F ind Y ourself

in places no one else can

OFFERING

Residential

Commercial

Clean Outs

Roll Offs

844-ME-TRASH

844-638-7274

CALL OF THE WILD

RV CENTER

848 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-4410

www.callofthewildrv.com

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!

SERVING

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com

OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

Out ‘n About at Polly’s Variety

I love

this town.

Polly

wants what’s

on my shirt.

Justin Campbell, Agent

1570 Main Street Suite 2A

Oxford, ME 04270

Bus: 207-539-5095

www.oxfordhillsinsurance.com

Thanks, Oxford Hills.

I love being here to help

in a community where

people are making a

difference every day.

Thank you for all you do.

2007004 State Farm, Bloomington, IL

Jen Wilson

Harlow’s Helping Hands, LLC

Professional • Friendly • Fully Insured

HOUSEHOLD

HANDYMAN

No Job Too Small!

Kevin L. Harlow

207-776-2416 • harlowhh@yahoo.com

Call for

your quote

today!

Light to

Moderate

Jobs

Remember to

support local businesses

when you’re

Out ‘n About with

your Irish

shenanigans!

My wife got me a book called A Guide to Surgical Procedures.

It was missing its appendix though.


...with

Jimbo


No Pie for You!

Submitted by Jimbo

A man walked into a

bakery, carrying a pie

box. He approached

the clerk at the counter.

The clerk said, “Yes,

sir, what can I do for

you?”

The man replied, “I

want my money back!

I bought this pie here

yesterday.”

The clerk looked at

him and said, “But,

where’s the PIE?”

The man said, “I ate it!

ALL of it!”

So the clerk asked

him why he thought he

should get his money

back if he had eaten

the whole thing.

They’re called pretzels because they’re knot bread.

Roy s

Try our Teres Major Steaks on the Grill!

(comparable to filet mignon)

FOODLAND

WEEKLY SPECIALS AT ROY’S

Saturday Bean Special

Beans, Bread/Rolls & Cole Slaw, $8.99

Wednesday Italian Special

Ham, Salami, Veggie or Pepperoni, $2.29

Pizza Pack Special

Pizza Packs only $ 9.99 • 2lb Pepperoni Pks only $ 5.99

Our daily

specials are

magical!

Hours:

Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm

Fri. 8am - 7pm

Sat. 8am - 6pm

Don’t forget your chicken salad, “best in town” or ham salad! Sun. closed

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 • www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com



“See here on the box?

It says it’s supposed to

feed six people! I am

NOT six people!”

Peter Kowalski

John F. Murphy Homes

Sadie Blais

Rolly’s Diner

Duane Arnold &

Steve Taylor

Marco’s

We Take Car Care Seriously

Poisson & Sons

Auto Care

Full Service Gas Station

260 S. Main Street, Auburn

207.782.9144

March 2021

Stickers

are due!

MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.

Certified Public Accountant

Tax Planning & Preparation

for Individuals and Business

207.782.1040 • PO Box 895, Auburn, ME 04212

mspaulding.androstax@outlook.com


Jimbo

26 March 2021 783-7039

I swallowed a dictionary yesterday. My throat was thesaurus it’s ever been.

Every day I stress to my kids the importance of staying in school.

And every day, they still come home.

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER

NEW MEMBERS!

The Maine Jerky Co.

TheMaineJerkyCompany.com

TheMaineJerkyCo@gmail.com

Out ‘n About at

Schemengees

Bar & Grille


It’s

on!

Like

Donkey

Kong!

Officially Yours

OfficiallyYours.info

Lindsay@OfficiallyYours.Info

Instagram @officiallyyoursmaine

facebook.com/OfficiallyYoursMaine

My cat ate a ball of yarn. Then it had mittens.

Zillow

Zillow.com

SarahKen@zillowgroup.com

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM

Nick Chasse &

Matt Tremblay

All this

league play is

making me hungry!

It’s a good thing the

food here at

Schemengees is

amazing!

Cyndi’s Dockside Restaurant

Appetizers, Soups, Maine Lobster, Salads,

Seafood, Sandwiches, Pizza, Steak, All

Natural Burgers, Kid’s Menu, & Much More!

Take out available!

DAILY WINTER SPECIALS DINE IN ONLY

Norm Tanguay

served with french fries and coleslaw!

Sunday is all day $6 cheeseburger day!

(207) 998-5008

www.dockside.me

723 Maine Street

Poland Spring, Maine 04274

Do you know how long it takes to get hearing aids shipped?

I ordered mine two weeks ago and haven’t heard anything since.

Paul Leclair


...with

Jimbo


BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

Knockin’ on

Seven’s Door


A man wakes up and

looks at his clock. It is

7:07 am. He gets out

of bed, goes downstairs

and glances at

his calendar. It says it

is July 7, the seventh

day of the seventh

month.

Call today for a quote!

207-754-2519

seatailor.ctaylor@gmail.com

Fully Insured

Specializing in foreign

vehicles & diesels

1073 Sabattus Street

Lewiston

207-240-7060

ASE Certified

Full service pet spa

Your headquarters for:

Booty Lift Leggings

&

Joggers

120 Center Street, Auburn

207-241-0125

Meraki1921.com

As he steps outside,

he notices Bus #7

going by. He walks to a

coffee shop and orders

a coffee and a bite to

eat and the bill comes

to $7.77.

The man thinks, “All

these sevens, I think

the universe is trying to

tell me something.”

Website Development

Facebook Marketing

socialmanas.com

Find us on Facebook!

207-739-9445

New

centrifuge

area rug

cleaning!

• Carpets

• Wood Floors

• Tile & Grout

• Water Damage Drying

Commercial & Residential

Call Today!

(207) 783-2933

So feeling that maybe

this is his lucky

day, the man cuts out

early from work and

goes to the race track.

He reads the racing

schedule and sees

that in the seventh

race horse #7 is called

“Lucky Universe.”

The man can’t believe

it. He runs up to the

teller, “Today is my

lucky day! Take all of

my money and put it

on Lucky Universe!”

The horse came in

seventh.


28

Jimbo

March 2021 783-7039

A FAMILY OWNED BUSINESS SINCE 2004

Tile & grout, area rugs,

Tile & grout, area rugs, pet odor removal

Environmentally friendly, dries in 1 hour

pet Safe odor for children removal

& pets

207-783-9073

Environmentally friendly,

dries in 1 hour

Safe for children and pets

207-783-9073

healthyhomesclean.com

Independent Consultant

Janet Mathieu

Senior Consultant

www.mythirtyone.com/janetmathieu

Spring/Summer Catalog

now available!

207-782-7141

Delicious pizza &

friendly customer service

20 Pleasant Mountain View

West Paris, Maine

CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT!

207-333-5022

kaytdavispt@gmail.com

Therapy in the home.

Most insurances accepted.

Before I left for college, my mother told me not to forget to write.

It’s not likely – it’s a pretty basic skill.

Charl

Owner/M

Cha

Own

207.78

charlieha 207

charli

Of Maine

Of Maine Your Of Neighborhood Maine Window Clean

Your Neighborhood Your Neighborhood Window Of Maine Cleaners Window Cleaners

Your ® ®

Window Neighborhood Washing, Phone Pressure Window 207.782.WASH

Washing Cleaners

160

Your Neighborhood Phone 207.782.WASH Window Cleaners ®

& Soft Washing, Gutter Cleaning, & 160 Vic

Aubu

Phone 207.782.WASH

®

Chandelier/Ceiling SqueegeeSquad.com

Fan Cleaning Auburn,

Phone

SqueegeeSquad.com

207.782.WASH

SqueegeeSquad.com

Phone 207.782.WASH

SqueegeeSquad.com

SqueegeeSquad.com

The man trampled by a large group of cows never herd them coming.

NOW OFFERING

BREAKFAST SATURDAYS

& SUNDAYS!

Out ‘n About at

Schemengees

Bar & Grille


Wednesday: 11am-3pm

Thursday: 11am-8pm

Friday: 11am-9pm

Saturday: 7am-9pm

Sunday: 7am-3pm

George Morgan

Scan here

for our

menu!

Download

our app for

takeout and

delivery!

Join us on

St. Patrick’s Day for our

Corned Beef Dinner!

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-333-5062 • www.stationgrillrestaurant.com

Less talk,

more chalk!

Joe Walker

Friday

Night

Cornhole!

Blind draws

Starting at

7pm

Monday - Thursday: 4pm-11pm

Friday - Saturday: 4pm-1am

MARCH 20TH

CORNHOLE

TOURNAMENT

SINGLES & PARTNERS

DOORS OPEN AT 10AM, TOURNAMENT STARTS AT NOON

CALL JOE WALKER AT 352-514-8009 FMI

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com

Cinderella’s Royal Ball photos haven’t been developed yet.

But someday, her prints will come.

Speak softly

and carry a

big stick!

Nicole Lajoie


...with

Jimbo


Tea Party


A skeleton walked into a restaurant and ordered a glass of milk and a mop.

Little Emily was given

a tea set for her fourth

birthday. She was so

excited to have elaborate

tea parties with her

dolls and her parents.

Shortly thereafter,

Emily’s mother had

to leave the house

for a couple of weeks

to care for her sick

grandmother. She told

Emily to be good for

her father and to keep

the tea parties going

until she returned.

Emily took her job as

a tea party hostess

very seriously in her

mother’s absence. She

made sure to bring her

father several cups

of “tea” each day. Of

course, the tea was

just a saucer of water,

but her father made a

big deal about drinking

each and every cup.

When Emily’s mother

returned home, she

asked Emily if she was

a good girl.

I’m not addicted to brake fluid. I can stop anytime I want to.

Moving two miles

up the road!

10 Memorial Drive,

Lisbon



“Yes Mommy,” replied

Emily. “I made tea for

Daddy.”

Her Dad made sure to

sing her praises about

her tea-making skills.

Emily happily skipped

away, proud of herself

for a job well done.

After she was out of

earshot, Emily’s mother

sighed, “Of course, you

do realize that the only

water Emily can reach

is in the toilet, right?”

Sarah Jeanne Kyllonen

Escada

Belinda & Michael Vallee

The Village Inn

Bob Barcelou

Mixer’s & Varsity Lettering

Uncle Andy’s Digest...with

Jimbo

30 March 2021 783-7039

Every time I check out at the grocery store, the clerk always asks me

if I found everything. Why? What are they hiding?

If every citizen owned a horse, this country would be way more stabilized.

Make your

reservation

now!

A place the whole family will LOVE!

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!

Out ‘n About at

Schemengees

Bar & Grille


This league

is serious business.

No clowning around

here!

40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com

Eligible for Medicare?

CALL US TODAY

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

Pat Penley

30+

Years of

Experience!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

Androscoggin County’s Premier

Title & Escrow Closing Headquarters

Peggy Henckel &

Alexis Bolduc

Time to

run the

table!

Your Title Company

Since 1987

• Title Insurance

• Abstracting

• Escrow Closing Service

• 1031 Exchanges

• For Sale by Owner

• Title Certificates

• Construction

Disbursements

Really, corn dogs are just meat Twinkies.

Bill Skelton

Attorney

95 Main Street, Auburn | 207-784-6413 | generalmail@androtitle.com

Rick LaChapelle


...with

Jimbo


Full Service Repair Facility

COMPLETE

MECHANICAL REPAIR

25 Fern Street, Turner, Maine

(207) 225-5012

www.dickautobody.com

CALL THE PROS

BEFORE

Spring Serenity Special

AFTER

PROTECT YOUR

INVESTMENT

PROFESSIONAL

UNDERCOATING

Mon., Wed., Fri. 11a-7p • Thu. 9a-7p • Sat. 12p-5p

March bookings

receive 20% off

of all treatments!

229 Center Street, Auburn

(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com

LET’S TALK BBQ, BABY!

WE OFFER

FRESH & FROZEN

• Chicken

• Brisket

• Pork butts

• Spare ribs

• Clods

• Sausage

• Ribeye

• Goat

• Lamb

• Whole pigs

from 20/30 to

110/120 lbs.

And so much more!

We also have deep fried

Oreos!

NEL MORIN

Prime Source Foods

207-579-4454

nelm@primesourcefoods.biz

Open daily

8am to 4pm

Coach Terry’s

REDEMPTION CENTER

At the end of every rainbow

is a pot of gold

CASH

FOR

BOTTLES

207-225-2008

8 Tidswell Road, Turner

Building or Remodeling?

Too many decisions to make?

A one-hour interior design consultation might help!

Call Stef

Today!

207-784-2545

26 Nickerson Ave, Auburn

(behind Great Falls Credit Union)

We can offer to help with:

• Paint Colors

• Fixtures & Finishes

• Room Layout

207-200-6507

refresh207.com

Seniors

Welcome!

WEBSITES THAT WORK

Design. Build. Brand. Market.

www.MaineWeb.co

Unlimited Wash Combos

Combo #2

24 .95

$

24 per

Combo #3

includes:

.95

month

.95

$ 29 .95

per month

exterior wash,

underbody, &

poly sealant

includes: exterior

wash, underbody,

rust inhibitor, wheel

brite, tire shine, &

wax

7 Lincoln St. Lewiston

207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com


Jimbo

32 March 2021 783-7039

How do you give up in a towel throwing contest?

CALL THE PROS

marcositalian.com

REDEMPTION CENTER

6

on all 5¢ returns

¢ with this coupon.

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Major Holidays) UAD exp. 3.31.21

Bring in this coupon

to receive

in

Sturdy

$

5 Bucks

Hello Spring!

Expires 3/31/2021

• Jiffy Pots

• Peat Pellets

• Seed Packets

We’ve Missed You!

• Gardening Supplies

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • (207) 375-6253

We are your

radiator, heating,

& A/C specialists!

Lincoln Street

RADIATOR SHOP

Family owned & operated since 1967

207-784-9356

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p

Offering:

Quiet dining

Safe distancing parties

Take out

Delivery

Open 11am-7:30pm

12 MOLLISON WAY, 12 Mollison LEWISTON Way, Lewiston | 783-0336

Parts (used & new) • Towing

Auto Recycling • Sales • Service

CALL FOR DETAILS!

448 County Road, Turner

TEAM

KENNAGH

Shelley Kennagh

Loan Officer / NMLS 532306

(207) 890-4942

skennagh@cmgfi.com

Contact me for all of your home loan needs!

We Have

Southern

Rust Free

Truck

Beds!

FULL COLOR COPIES & MORE!

Posters • Booklets • Carbonless forms

Envelopes • Business Cards & More!

60 Broad Street, Auburn

207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com

Call Today for a Free Quote!

I hate people who talk behind my back. They discussed me.


...with

Jimbo


Convert Your Home Videos to DVD!

CALL THE PROS

FARRELL

ENTERPRISES

BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED

Trash • Metals • Demolition • & More!

Free $10 gift card when

you use this service!

One gift card per customer. Exp. 3/31/21

Auburn Mall • 207-783-3354

Life’s busy.

We can help.

Michael Farrell

207-576-2501

Fully Insured

Office, Restaurant, & Light

Industrial Cleaning Services

Mike Magretto

Veteran Owned & Operated

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890

SMITH WESSON M&P9 SHIELD 9MM

BUG OUT BUNDLE

BARREL: 3.1" • SIGHTS: Fixed White Dot

One 7rd & Four 8rd MAGS • Single-Sided Thumb Safety

SW M&P Branded Face Mask & Bug Out Bag • First Aid Kit

CALL FOR PRICING!

Fine Line

Gun Shop

(207) 998-2374

590 Plains Rd., Poland

RON’S

YOUR FULL SERVICE REPAIR FACILITY

OIL CHANGES • SHOCKS • STRUTS • INSPECTIONS

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales

Call us

today!

375-4924

Nearly 4,500 Frozen Sea Turtles

were rescued from the storm in

Texas between 2/14 and 2/18.

Please help with a donation at

seaturtleinc.org


34

M orris & Sons

• Remodeling Additions

• Roofing & Siding

• New Construction

• Commercial/Residential

207-212-8228 Fully Insured

Jimbo

March 2021 783-7039

Call us

for an

estimate!

EST

1950

Appointments

and walk-ins

welcome!

The capital of Canada is C.

783-3444

Booth Rentals Available

Just

a little off

the mask,

please!

54 Mill Street

New Auburn

OPEN:

Tues-Fri

7:30a-5:30p

Sat 7:30a-2p

Charles Stroud & Tina

My doctor told me my sugar was too high so I moved it to a lower shelf.

Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily! You won’t go hungry at

It’s never too cold to go shopping from your couch.

5 Washington St. Auburn

Mon. - Fri. 5am - 8pm

Sat. & Sun. 6am - 8pm

783-4304

Phone orders are welcome

HELP WANTED - We are hiring!

BREAKFAST SPECIALS

includes coffee or small beverage

$6.95 $

1 OFF

any purchase

MONDAY 2 eggs, sausage, home fries & toast

of $ 6 .00 or more

Start your

day right

with a

great

breakfast!

TUESDAY 2 eggs, corned beef hash & toast

WEDNESDAY 3 blueberry pancakes

THURSDAY French Toast

FRIDAY 2 item omelet & toast

SATURDAY 2 golden pancakes & sausage

SUNDAY French Crepes

1 coupon per order

Please, no reproduction

of coupons

expires 03.31.21

Serving LA for more than 30 Years!



Marriage

Advice


On their 50th wedding

anniversary and during

the dinner celebrating

it, Byron was asked to

give his friends a brief

account of the benefits

of a marriage of such

long duration.

“Tell us Byron, just

what is it you have

learned from all those

wonderful years with

your wife?”

Byron responded,

“Well, I’ve learned that

marriage is the best

teacher of all. It teaches

you loyalty, forbearance,

meekness,

self-restraint, forgiveness

and a great many

other qualities you

wouldn’t have needed

if you’d stayed single.”

Generation

Gaps

Submitted by Jimbo

A mother was telling

her little girl what her

own childhood was

like.

“We used to skate outside

on a pond. I had

a swing made from

a tire; it hung from a

tree in our front yard.

We rode our pony. We

picked wild raspberries

in the woods.”

Kim Pelkey

Modern Woodmen of America

Richard Pfeffer

Gritty’s

Sean Doucette

USA Mortgage

The little girl was wideeyed,

taking this all in.

At last she said, “I sure

wish I’d gotten to know

you sooner!”

Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar, but they are such lyres.


...with

Jimbo


Watermelon

Stand


Trevor is selling watermelons

at a small

farm stand on the side

of the road. He got all

of the ripe watermelons

set up and then

displayed his sign.

Trevor’s price list indicated

that you could

buy one watermelon

for $3, or three watermelons

for $10.

A man drove up to the

farm stand and saw

the price list. Amused,

he told Trevor, “I’d

like one watermelon,

please.”

Trevor sold the man

the watermelon and

took his $3.

Then, the man said,

“You know what, I

think I’ll buy a second

watermelon.” The man

handed Trevor three

more $1 bills.

The man loaded up

his car and then came

back and said, “Awww,

what the heck? I’ll buy

a third one.” He paid

another $3 and took

the watermelon.

“You know,” the man

said to Trevor, “you’re

not too bright. I just

bought three watermelons

and only paid $9

for them.”

“Well, you originally

were only going to buy

one and I ended up

selling you three, didn’t

I?”


36

Jimbo

March 2021 783-7039

65%

My electrician suggested I switch to breakers, but I refused.

Readers who frequently purchase products or

services from ads seen in Uncle Andy’s Digest:

The Survey sa

Choose

80.8%

a proven partner. Choose

Average Age

My boss told me set up a standing meeting for every Thursday.

Now I have to move all the chairs out of the conference room.

22,000 Mon

MARKETING DOESN’T N

Readers who frequently purchase products or or

services from ads seen in in Uncle Andy’s Digest:

Our readership study results*

48%

*Method to our Madness: Our demographic study was conducted using the C

audits 3,700 publications nationwide, audited our magazine (reviewed the prin

The CVC surveyed Uncle Andy’s Digest readers in the primary market areas ind

available upon request.

80.8%

25-64

College Educated

Average Age

65%

25-64

College Educated

Here’s what

Average Me

22,000 Month

What is Your an

48%

$35-49,999

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$75-99,999

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0 5

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$35-49,999

$50-74,999

*Method to our Madness: Our demographic study was conducted using the Certification Verification Cou

audits 3,700 publications nationwide, audited our magazine (reviewed the printing, distribution, circulation

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in the publications C


65%

$100-124,999

11

0 0 5 5

$

11%

$75-99,999

24.7%

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My dentist used to be in the Army. He was a drill sergeant.

0 5 10 15 20 25 30

ys... Survey says...

Readers who frequently purchase products or

services from ads seen in Uncle Andy’s Digest:

Uncle

Our readership

Andy’s Digest.

study

Here’s

results*

why...

80.8%

ertification Verification Council (CVC), a third party company, who

ting, distribution, circulation, technology and general business records).

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EED TO BE DIFFICULT

we learned

rchase products or

cle Andy’s Digest:

hly Readers

0.8%

52%

20%

22,000 Monthly Readers

Average Age

25-64

48% 52%

Out ‘n About at

Schemengees

Bar & Grille

22,000 Monthly R


48% 5

Rob & Gail James

Average Did you Median Ho

hear about the

boy who told his dad

when he grew up he

wanted to be a pool

player?

What is Your annual ho

$35-49,999

$7

1

ge

e distribute to:

n Household Income

runswick, Gray,

iston, Lisbon,

nic Falls,

-64

Minot,

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76,250

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18%

When the consumer is ready for your

18%

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product or service, will they think of

27%

you first?

29.4%

5%

20%

24.7%

%

17%

Our

Distribution

Area

29.4%

10 15 20 25 30

Average College Median Educated Household Income

65%

$76,250

What is Your annual household income?

20%

$50-74,999 Yes, the

dad said, “Son,

you can’t have it

$75-99,999

both ways!”

Tim Cassidy & 11%

Janet Mathieu

$100-124,999

0 5 10

$75-99,999

*Method to our Madness: Our demographic study

24.7%

was conducted using the Certification Verification Council (CVC), a t

audits 3,700 publications nationwide, audited our magazine (reviewed the printing, distribution, circulation, technology

The $100-124,999 CVC surveyed Uncle Andy’s 11% Digest readers in the 17% primary market areas indicated in the publications CVC audit repo


Contact us TODAY!

0 5 10 15 20 25 30

207-783-7039 | UncleAndys.com

Chalk is cheap!

Let’s rack ‘em up!

Tim St. Pierre

The best way to cook alligator is in a crock pot.


...with

Jimbo


Out ‘n About at

Schemengees

Bar & Grille


Our drink

specials will keep you

coming back!

Tori Patterson

Dear Magic

8 Ball, will I win my

match?

NO!

My girlfriend told me my looks were just average. That’s just mean.

Celebrate

St. Paddy’s Day

With Us!

Corn Beef

and Hash

$9.99

Take Out

Available!

207-782-2135 Auburn Mall

Mon. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm

DAILY SPECIALS

MONDAY

75¢ Wings

Cheeseburger Special $6.99

Cincinnati Spaghetti $7.99

25oz domestic drafts $4.00

TUESDAY

75¢ Wings

Fried Pickle Basket $4.99

Thatcher’s Burger $7.99

25oz domestic drafts $4.00

WEDNESDAY

3 Beef Tacos $5.99

Thatcher’s Burrito $7.99

Well Margaritas $5 • Coronas $3

THURSDAY

Stuffed Peppers $7.99

Buffalo Chicken Salad $11.99

All Microbrews $4.00

FRIDAY

Clam Cake Basket $6.99

Fish & Chips $11.99

Teriyaki Tips w/mashed $12.99

SATURDAY

Fried Scallops $14.99

2 Hot Dogs w/fries $5.99

Miller Lite Bottles $2.50

SUNDAY

12” Cheese Pizza $6.99

Bloody Mary’s $6

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts $2.50

I ate a mushroom omelette this morning. Breakfast of champignons.


38

Tyler James

We’re

future pool

sharks!

Lailah, Miyah, &

Aubrie Provencher

Jimbo

March 2021 783-7039

CONGRATULATIONS

to the winners of our Sweethearts Contest

LYDIA & NEVIN

RAND!

Lydia & Nevin received a

bottle of champagne and a box of

chocolates. They also received gift

cards to Mac’s Grill and Ann’s

Flower Shop. Everything needed

for a perfect Valentine’s Date!

Thank you to all that

entered and voted!

I’ve never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic

without resorting to sound effects.

Let the

Shenanigans Begin

March into Spring

with our impressive

selection of spirits,

competitively-priced

beer, wine, mixers,

and hard-to-find

favorites.

Stock up at any one of our SIX convenience package stores

Auburn

545 Minot Avenue - 783-2047

301 Main Street 783-9098

Lewiston

686 Main Street - 344-1200

794 Sabattus Street - 783-6353

1420 Lisbon Street - 333-3095

Oxford

980 Main Street - 539-6072

Home of the Two Year Warranty on all parts & labor*

*restrictions apply

we are the authorized

krown rust protection

facility!

Protect. Maintain. Save.

Complete undercarriage

protection. Protects

from the inside out.

23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100

Spring is Right Around the Corner!

Schedule your pool opening today!

Irish you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

Ask us about our

eco-friendly line!

Tuesday - Saturday: 9a-5p

1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston • 783-0858 • www.abcpool.com

• Foundations

• Septic Systems

• Lot Clearing

• Driveways

• Sand & Gravel

Now offering

full general

contracting

services

• Demolition

60 Depot Street, Buckfield

207-595-8842


40 March 2021 783-7039

UncleAndysDigest.com

Jimbo

Uncle Andy's Digest - March 2021

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