Flashback ( PDFDrive )

“Uh, you didn’t let us come,” he reminded her. “We chose to. Just
like Dex chose to make you that panic switch—and he wouldn’t have
done that if he didn’t want you to use it. And trust me, you were the
only one Fitz wanted going after him yesterday.”
She highly doubted that, but . . .
“Even if you’re right, nothing will change the fact that if Fitz hadn’t
found me that day in the Natural History Museum—or if he’d decided
my weird eyes meant I couldn’t be an elf and leaped away—all of the
bad things from the last few years wouldn’t have happened. Kenric.
Calla. Mr. For—”
“That’s not true. The Black Swan wanted Fitz to find you. They sent
Alden that newspaper article, didn’t they? If that hadn’t worked, they
would’ve found another way to get you to the Lost Cities. You’re their
moonlark.”
“Exactly. I’m the moonlark. You realize what that means, right?”
She hugged herself with her free arm and sank deeper into her pillows.
“Everything about this mess comes back to me. Good or bad—right or
wrong—I’m a part of it. And no matter how hard I try to protect the
people I care about, someone always seems to get hurt.”
Including herself. But that was easier to live with.
“So . . . I’m learning to focus on the things I can control,” she told
him quietly. “Like who I blame. And who I trust. And who I want by
my side—even if it means asking those people to risk their lives.”
Like she’d just done with Sandor.
Part of her couldn’t believe she’d done that—especially while he
was standing there battered and bloody. She should’ve let him move
on to a safer assignment. But . . . she couldn’t let him go.