The Expedition of Humphry Clinker

174 TOBIAS SMOLLETT
in the apothecary’s shop, or the chemist’s laboratory. One day,
while he was earnest in discourse with Mrs. Tabitha, and his ser-
vant had gone out on some occasion or other, I dexterously
exchanged the labels, and situation of his bottle and mine; and
having tasted his tincture, found it was excellent claret. I forth-
with handed it about to some of my neighbours, and it was quite
emptied before Mr. Micklewhimmen had occasion to repeat his
draught. At length, turning about, he took hold of my bottle,
instead of his own, and, filling a large glass, drank to the health of
Mrs. Tabitha—It had scarce touched his lips, when he perceived
the change which had been put upon him, and was at first a little
out of countenance—He seemed to retire within himself, in order
to deliberate, and in half a minute his resolution was taken; address-
ing himself to our quarter, ‘I give the gentleman cradit for his wit
(said he); it was a gude practical joke; but sometimes hi joci in seria
ducunt mala—I hope for his own sake, he has na drank all the
liccor; for it was a vara poorful infusion of jallap in Bourdeaux
wine; and it’s possable he may ha ta’en sic a dose as will produce
a terrible catastrophe in his ain booels—’
By far the greater part of the contents had fallen to the share of
a young clothier from Leeds, who had come to make a figure at
Harrigate, and was, in effect a great coxcomb in his way. It was
with a view to laugh at his fellow-guests, as well as to mortify the
lawyer, that he had emptied the bottle, when it came to his turn,
and he had laughed accordingly: but now his mirth gave way to
his apprehension—He began to spit, to make wry faces, and writhe
himself into various contorsions—‘Damn the stuff ! (cried he) I
thought it had a villainous twang—pah! He that would cozen a
Scot, mun get oop betimes, and take Old Scratch for his coun-
sellor—’ ‘In troth mester what d’ye ca’um, (replied the lawyer)
your wit has run you into a filthy puddle—I’m truly consarned for
your waeful case—The best advice I can give you, in sic a delemma,
is to send an express to Rippon for doctor Waugh, without delay,
and, in the mean time, swallow all the oil and butter you can find in
the hoose, to defend your poor stomach and intastines from the
villication of the particles of the jallap, which is vara violent, even
when taken in moderation.’
The poor clothier’s torments had already begun: he retired,
roaring with pain, to his own chamber; the oil was swallowed, and
the doctor sent for; but before he arrived, the miserable patient