The Expedition of Humphry Clinker

THE EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER 175
had made such discharges upwards and downwards, that nothing
remained to give him further offence; and this double evacuation,
was produced by imagination alone; for what he had drank was
genuine wine of Bourdeaux, which the lawyer had brought from
Scotland for his own private use. The clothier, finding the joke
turn out so expensive and disagreeable, quitted the house next
morning, leaving the triumph to Micklewhimmen, who enjoyed it
internally, without any outward signs of exultation—on the con-
trary, he affected to pity the young man for what he had suffered;
and acquired fresh credit from this shew of moderation.
It was about the middle of the night, which succeeded this
adventure, that the vent of the kitchen chimney being foul, the
soot took fire, and the alarm was given in a dreadful manner—
Every body leaped naked out of bed, and in a minute the whole
house was filled with cries and confusion—There were two stairs
in the house, and to these we naturally ran; but they were both so
blocked up, by the people pressing one upon another, that it
seemed impossible to pass, without throwing down and trampling
upon the women. In the midst of this anarchy, Mr. Mickle-
whimmen, with a leathern portmanteau on his back, came running
as nimble as a buck along the passage; and Tabby, in her under-
petticoat, endeavouring to hook him under the arm, that she might
escape through his protection, he very fairly pushed her down, cry-
ing ‘Na, na, gude faith, charity begins at hame!’ Without paying the
least respect to the shrieks and intreaties of his female friends, he
charged through the midst of the crowd, overturning every thing
that opposed him; and actually fought his way to the bottom of the
stair-case—By this time Clinker had found a ladder, by which he
entered the window of my uncle’s chamber, where our family was
assembled, and proposed that we should make our exit succes-
sively by that conveyance. The ’squire exhorted his sister to begin
the descent; but, before she could resolve, her woman, Mrs.
Winifred Jenkins, in a transport of terror, threw herself out at the
window upon the ladder, while Humphry dropped upon the
ground, that he might receive her in her descent—This maiden
was just as she had started out of bed, the moon shone very bright,
and a fresh breeze of wind blowing, none of Mrs. Winifred’s
beauties could possibly escape the view of the fortunate Clinker,
whose heart was not able to withstand the united force of so many
charms; at least, I am much mistaken, if he has not been her