The Expedition of Humphry Clinker

274 TOBIAS SMOLLETT
To Mrs. GWYLLIM, house-keeper at Brambleton-hall
MRS. GWYLLIM,
IT has pleased Providence to bring us safe back to England, and
partake us in many pearls by land and water, in particular the
Devil’s Harse a-pike, and Hoyden’s Hole, which hath got no
bottom; and, as we are drawing huomwards, it may be proper to
uprise you, that Brambleton-hall may be in a condition to receive
us, after this long gurney to the islands of Scotland. By the first of
next month you may begin to make constant fires in my brother’s
chamber and mine; and burn a fagget every day in the yellow
damask room: have the tester and curtains dusted, and the father-
bed and matrosses well haired, because, perhaps, with the blissing
of haven, they may be yoosed on some occasion. Let the ould hogs-
heads be well skewred and seasoned for bear, as Mat is resolved to
have his seller choak fool.
If the house was mine, I would turn over a new leaf—I don’t see
why the sarvants of Wales should’n’t drink fair water, and eat hot
cakes and barley cale, as they do in Scotland, without troubling the
botcher above once a quarter—I hope you keep accunt of Roger’s
purseeding in reverence to the butter-milk. I expect my dew when
I come huom, without baiting an ass, I’ll assure you.—As you
must have layed a great many more eggs than would be eaten, I do
suppose there is a power of turks, chickings, and guzzling about
the house; and a brave kergo of cheese ready for market; and that
the owl has been sent to Crickhowel, saving what the maids spun
in the family.
Pray let the whole house and furniture have a thorough clean-
ing from top to bottom, for the honour of Wales; and let Roger
search into, and make a general clearance of the slit holes which the
maids have in secret; for I know they are much given to sloth and
uncleanness. I hope you have worked a reformation among them,
as I exhorted you in my last, and set their hearts upon better things
than they can find in junkitting and caterwauling with the fellows
of the country.
As for Win Jenkins, she has undergone a perfect meta-
murphysis, and is become a new creeter from the ammunition of
Humphry Clinker, our new footman, a pious young man, who
has laboured exceedingly, that she may bring forth fruits of