The Expedition of Humphry Clinker

THE EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER 295
statue, with an aspect of insensibility. Her aunt, the model upon
which she had been formed, was indeed the very essence of insipid
formality: but the boy was very pert and impudent, and prated
without ceasing.
At dinner, the lady maintained the same ungracious indifference,
never speaking but in whispers to her aunt; and as to the repast, it
was made up of a parcel of kickshaws, contrived by a French cook,
without one substantial article adapted to the satisfaction of an
English appetite. The pottage was little better than bread soaked
in dishwashings, lukewarm. The ragouts looked as if they had been
once eaten and half digested: the fricassees were involved in a nasty
yellow poultice; and the rotis were scorched and stinking, for the
honour of the fumet. The desert consisted of faded fruit and iced
froth, a good emblem of our landlady’s character; the table-beer
was sour, the water foul, and the wine vapid; but there was a parade
of plate and china, and a powdered lacquey stood behind every
chair, except those of the master and mistress of the house, who
were served by two valets dressed like gentlemen. We dined in a
large old Gothic parlour, which was formerly the hall. It was now
paved with marble, and, notwithstanding the fire, which had been
kindled about an hour, struck me with such a chill sensation, that
when I entered it the teeth chattered in my jaws—In short, every
thing was cold, comfortless, and disgusting, except the looks of my
friend Baynard, which declared the warmth of his affection and
humanity.
After dinner we withdrew into another apartment, where the
boy began to be impertinently troublesome to my niece Liddy.
He wanted a play-fellow, forsooth; and would have romped with
her, had she encouraged his advances—He was even so impudent
as to snatch a kiss, at which she changed countenance, and seemed
uneasy; and though his father checked him for the rudeness of his
behaviour, he became so outrageous as to thrust his hand in her
bosom: an insult to which she did not tamely submit, though one
of the mildest creatures upon earth. Her eyes sparkling with resent-
ment, she started up, and lent him such a box on the ear, as sent
him staggering to the other side of the room.
‘Miss Melford, (cried his father) you have treated him with the
utmost propriety—I am only sorry that the impertinence of any
child of mine should have occasioned this exertion of your spirit,
which I cannot but applaud and admire.’ His wife was so far from