The Expedition of Humphry Clinker

54 TOBIAS SMOLLETT
distinction—True it is, I am sometimes tempted to believe myself
of royal descent; for my inclinations are often arbitrary—If I was
an absolute prince, at this instant, I believe I should send for the
head of your cook in a charger—She has committed felony, on the
person of that John Dory; which is mangled in a cruel manner,
and even presented without sauce—O tempora! O mores!’
This good-humoured sally turned the conversation into a less
disagreeable channel—But, lest you should think my scribble as
tedious as Mrs. Tabby’s clack, I shall not add another word, but
that I am as usual
Yours,
Bath, April 30. J. MELFORD
To Dr. LEWIS
DEAR LEWIS,
I RECEIVED your bill upon Wiltshire, which was punctually
honoured; but as I don’t choose to keep so much cash by me, in a
common lodging-house, I have deposited 250l. in the bank of
Bath, and shall take their bills for it in London, when I leave this
place, where the season draws to an end—You must know, that
now being a-foot, I am resolved to give Liddy a glimpse of London.
She is one of the best hearted creatures I ever knew, and gains upon
my affection every day—As for Tabby, I have dropt such hints to
the Irish baronet, concerning her fortune, as, I make no doubt, will
cool the ardour of his addresses. Then her pride will take the alarm;
and the rancour of stale maidenhood being chafed, we shall hear
nothing but slander and abuse of Sir Ulic Mackilligut—This rup-
ture, I foresee, will facilitate our departure from Bath; where, at
present, Tabby seems to enjoy herself with peculiar satisfaction.
For my part, I detest it so much, that I should not have been able
to stay so long in the place if I had not discovered some old friends;
whose conversation alleviates my disgust—Going to the coffee-
house one forenoon, I could not help contemplating the company,
with equal surprize and compassion—We consisted of thirteen
individuals; seven lamed by the gout, rheumatism, or palsy; three
maimed by accident; and the rest either deaf or blind. One
hobbled, another hopped, a third dragged his legs after him like