_OceanofPDF.com_The_Girl_on_the_Train_-_Paula_Hawkins

rumbling up to the signal. The noise is like a barrier, a wall surrounding
us, and I feel as though we are truly alone. He puts his arms around me
and kisses me.
“Thank you,” I say. “Thank you for coming, for being here.”
He smiles, drawing back from me, and rubs his thumb across my
cheekbone. “You’ll be fine, Megan.”
“Couldn’t I just run away with you? You and I . . . couldn’t we just
run away together?”
He laughs. “You don’t need me. And you don’t need to keep running.
You’ll be fine. You and your baby will be fine.”
SATURDAY, JULY 13, 2013
MORNING
I know what I have to do. I thought about it all day yesterday, and all
night, too. I hardly slept at all. Scott came home exhausted and in a shitty
mood; all he wanted to do was eat, fuck and sleep, no time for anything
else. It certainly wasn’t the right time to talk about this.
I lay awake most of the night, with him hot and restless at my side,
and I made my decision. I’m going to do the right thing. I’m going to do
everything right. If I do everything right, then nothing can go wrong. Or
if it does, it cannot be my fault. I will love this child and raise her
knowing that I did the right thing from the start. All right, perhaps not
from the very start, but from the moment when I knew she was coming. I
owe it to this baby, and I owe it to Libby. I owe it to her to do everything
differently this time.
I lay there and I thought of what that teacher said, and of all the things
I’d been: child, rebellious teenager, runaway, whore, lover, bad mother,
bad wife. I’m not sure if I can remake myself as a good wife, but a good
mother—that I have to try.
It’s going to be hard. It might be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,
but I’m going to tell the truth. No more lies, no more hiding, no more
running, no more bullshit. I’m going to put everything out in the open,
and then we’ll see. If he can’t love me then, so be it.
EVENING