_OceanofPDF.com_The_Girl_on_the_Train_-_Paula_Hawkins

MEGAN
• • •
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 2, 2012
MORNING
It’s going to rain soon, I can feel it coming. My teeth are chattering in
my head, the tips of my fingers are white with a tinge of blue. I’m not
going inside. I like it out here, it’s cathartic, cleansing, like an ice bath.
Scott will come and haul me inside soon anyway, he’ll wrap me in
blankets, like a child.
I had a panic attack on the way home last night. There was a
motorbike, revving its engine over and over and over, and a red car
driving slowly past, like a kerb crawler, and two women with buggies
blocking my path. I couldn’t get past them on the pavement, so I went
into the street and was almost hit by a car coming in the opposite
direction, which I hadn’t even seen. The driver leaned on the horn and
yelled something at me. I couldn’t catch my breath, my heart was racing,
I felt that lurch in my stomach, like when you’ve taken a pill and you’re
just about to come up, that punch of adrenaline that makes you feel sick
and excited and scared all at once.
I ran home and through the house and down to the tracks, then I sat
down there, waiting for the train to come, to rattle through me and take
away the other noises. I waited for Scott to come and calm me down, but
he wasn’t at home. I tried to climb over the fence, I wanted to sit on the
other side for a while, where no one else goes. I cut my hand, so I went
inside, and then Scott came back and asked me what had happened. I
said I was doing the washing up and dropped a glass. He didn’t believe
me, he got very upset.
I got up in the night, left Scott sleeping and sneaked down to the
terrace. I dialled his number and listened to his voice when he picked up,
at first soft with sleep, and then louder, wary, worried, exasperated. I
hung up and waited to see if he’d call back. I hadn’t disguised my