Redeeming-Love-By-Francine-Rivers

R E D E E M I N G L O V E
some deeper level she knew she was safe with him.
It was small satisfaction when the natural needs of his body were driving
him harder the longer they were together. His mind would create pictures of
them making love as it was written in Song of Solomon. He would almost
feel her arms around him and taste her honeyed kisses. Then he would
come out of the daydream and feel more frustrated and bereft than ever.
Oh, he could have her now if he wanted. She would be accommodating.
She would be expert. And he would know, all the while he poured his hope
into her, that she was counting the beams in the ceiling or the chores for the
next day or anything else that kept her from him. She wouldn’t look into his
eyes or care that he was dying inside for love of her.
The memory was set in Michael’s mind: Angel sitting on the end of the
bed at the Palace, swinging her foot back and forth like a pendulum. It
would be just the same now if he gave in to his physical desire. It would be
Angel, not Mara, just waiting for him to finish so she could consign him to
oblivion with all the other men who had ever used her body.
God, what do I do? I’m going crazy. You’re expecting too much of me. Or am I
expecting too much from her?
The answer remained the same: Wait.
More than anything, Michael was consumed with the need to hear her
say his name. Just once, Jesus. God, please. Just once. Michael! An acknowledgment
of his existence. Most of the time, she looked right through him. He
wanted to be more than someone walking on the periphery of her soul,
someone she was convinced would step on her and use her. Love to Angel
was a foul four-letter word.
How am I supposed to teach her what love really is when my own instincts are
getting in the way? Lord, what am I doing wrong? She’s more distant now than she
was in Pair-a-Dice.
Have patience, beloved.
Michael’s frustrations built, and he started thinking about his father, who
had claimed every woman wanted to be dominated.
Michael hadn’t believed it then, and he didn’t believe it now; but he
almost wished he could. Believing that lie would make his life with Angel
easier. Every time she looked through him, he thought about his father.
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