Redeeming-Love-By-Francine-Rivers

F R A N C I N E R I V E R S
Amanda. Oh, God. “How can you still call me that?”
“Because it’s who you are now.”
“When will you ever understand?” she cried out in frustration. “It doesn’t
matter who does things to you. You can’t pretend they didn’t happen.” She
clutched the blanket around her, hugging herself. “You take it all into yourself.
What’s happened is what I am. You said it yourself and you’re right. I
can’t wash it away. I can’t get clean. I could strip my skin off. I could drain
my blood. It wouldn’t make any difference. It’s like a foul stench I can’t get
rid of no matter how hard I try. And I’ve tried, Michael. I have. I swear to
you. I’ve fought and I’ve run. I’ve wanted to die. I almost succeeded with
Magowan. Almost. Don’t you see? Nothing matters. Nothing ever made any
difference. I’m a prostitute, and that’s what I was meant to be.”
“That’s a lie!”
“No, it isn’t. It isn’t.”
He leaned toward her, but she drew back, hugging herself even more
tightly and looking away. “Amanda, we’ll make it through this,” he said. “We
will. I swear a covenant with you.”
“No, we won’t make it. Just take me back.” When he shook his head, she
pleaded. “Please. I don’t belong here with you. Find someone else.”
“Better than you, you mean?”
Her face was white as death, her pain stark and raw. “Yes.”
Michael reached out to put his hand on her shoulder, but she withdrew
from him. He knew why now, and it pierced him to the core that she
thought she was so unclean he shouldn’t even touch her.
“Do you think I’m such a saint?” he said hoarsely. Only moments ago he
had denied love and God himself and even longed to kill his own wife.
What was the difference in murder by hand or thought? His fleshly nature
had relished thoughts of retribution, even lusted for it.
He went down on his knees and held her shoulders. “I should have run
all the way to Pair-a-Dice,” he said thickly. “I shouldn’t have waited for Paul
to come home with his tail between his legs.”
She raised her head and looked him straight in the eyes, wanting to end
it quickly, once and for all. “I gave him sex just to pay for the ride back.”
The pain of those words hit him hard, but he didn’t give up on her.
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