Redeeming-Love-By-Francine-Rivers

R E D E E M I N G L O V E
me like I was a ghost. And you know what he said? I reminded him of
somebody he used to know.”
“Then what?”
“He stayed. The whole night.”
“Did you ever stop to think—”
“I knew what I was doing, and I did it anyway! Don’t you understand yet?
I did it with relish, just waiting for that moment when I’d tell him who I
was.” She couldn’t hold his gaze. She was trembling violently and couldn’t
stop. “When I did, I told him what became of Mama, too.”
Michael’s anger evaporated. She was silent so long, he touched her. “And
what did he say?”
She moved back again, swallowing convulsively. Her eyes were huge and
tormented. “Nothing. He said nothing. Not then. He just looked at me for a
long time. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed and cried. He cried. He
looked like an old, broken man. ‘Why,’ he said to me, ‘Why?’” Her eyes felt
hot and grainy. “And I told him Mama used to ask me the same thing. He
asked me to forgive him, and I told him he could rot in hell.” The shaking
stopped, and she felt cold inside, dead. When she looked up at Michael, he
was just standing there, quiet and still, watching her and waiting for the rest
of it.
“You know what else?” she said dully. “He shot himself three days later.
Duke said it was because he owed money to everybody, including the devil
himself, but I know why he did it.” She closed her eyes, ashamed. “I know.”
“I’m sorry,” Michael said. How many more nightmares did she have
locked away inside her?
She looked up at him. “That’s the second time you’ve apologized for
something you’ve got nothing to do with. How can you even look at me?”
“The same way I can look at myself.”
She shook her head and pulled her shawl tightly around herself. “One
more thing,” she said. “It’ll make a difference.” Michael stood like a soldier
going into battle. “I can’t have children. I got pregnant twice. Both times
Duke had a doctor take the baby. The second time he told the doctor to
make sure I could never get pregnant again. Never, Michael. Do you understand?”
She saw he did.
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