Redeeming-Love-By-Francine-Rivers

R E D E E M I N G L O V E
where you came from, and it didn’t make any difference to him. There were
plenty of women back home who would have jumped at the chance to
marry him. Sweet, sensible virgin girls from God-fearing families. He never
fell in love with any of them. He took one look at you, and he knew. Right
from the beginning. You. No one else. He told me all that, but I thought it
was sex. Now I know it wasn’t. It was something else.”
“A crazy accident—”
“I think it’s because he knew how much you needed him.”
She shook her head, not wanting to hear it, but Paul was determined.
“Amanda, he bought you out of bondage with his own sweat and blood, and
you know it. Don’t tell me now you can’t go back to him.”
It hurt too much because she still loved and needed him. Sometimes she
thought she would die without the sound of Michael’s voice. She would
close her eyes and see his face and how he walked and how he had smiled
at her. He had taught her how to play and sing and rejoice, things she had
never known. And the sweetness of those memories was agonizing; the separation,
unbearable.
Sometimes she tried not to think about him at all because the pain was
so great. But the hunger for him was always there, the endless, aching
hunger. Only he had opened himself to be used in her life by Christ.
Through him, Christ had been able to fill her until she was overflowing.
Michael had always said it was God; now she knew that was true.
And the knowledge that he’d been the bridge between her and her Savior
only made her long for Michael all the more.
She couldn’t allow herself to think of all that. She had to think of what
was good for him, not of what she wanted for herself. She had purpose now
and satisfaction in her life. She wasn’t plagued by nightmares and self-doubt.
At least, not until now. And she had to tell Paul the complete truth so he
would understand.
“I can’t have his children, Paul. Never. Something was done to me when
I was very young. To make sure.” She had to stop and look away briefly
before she could go on. “Michael wants to have children. You know that. It’s
his dream.” She faced him again. “Can you understand now why I can’t go
back? I know he would take me back again. I know I would still be his wife.
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