The Adventures of Jonathan Gullible - Bastiat Institute

Chapter 25 • The Applausometer 141
the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Yes, right off the busy,
busy campaign trail – here’s Joe Candidate! Let’s hear it!”
Joe Candidate bounded athletically across the stage with both
arms wide, beaming incandescently at the crowd. The candidate
wore a stark black-and-white chequered suit. Jonathan thought
he had the blackest hair and whitest teeth ever to shine under a
spotlight. “Thank you, Phil. This is a really great moment for me to
be here with all you fi ne people.”
“Now Joe, you’ve just got to tell us the story behind the big
story. You surprised everyone and hit the headlines with the hottest
news on the island in over a decade. So what’s the story?”
“Right to the point, huh, Phil? I like that about you and your
show! You see, I became alarmed at the tremendously high cost of
political campaigns in recent years. So I decided to do something
about it. I fi rmly believe that the voters of this great island deserve
a bargain price for more of the same. That’s when I started the
Generic Party.”
“The Generic Party! What a brilliant idea! And you even changed
your own name, didn’t you?”
“That’s right, Phil. With my real name, Elihu Root, I could
never really be the true people’s candidate. You’ve got to cover your
roots...” The impromptu pun drew a roar of laughter from everyone,
including Phil and Joe. “But seriously, Phil,” continued Joe, “you
must have broad appeal if you’re going to be credible.”
“What are you doing to get the word out, Joe?”
“The Generic Party will soon have its basic black-and-white
fl yers, buttons, and posters available at all local outlets. We hope to
cut the typical campaign budget in half with our ideas.”
Showman Phil interrupted, “But do you have a stand on the
issues?”
“Sure, just like all the other parties,” said Joe. He reached inside
his checkered coat and pulled out a sheaf of papers. “Here’s our
White Paper on Crime and here’s our White Paper on Poverty.”
“But, Joe, there’s nothing on these white papers,” said Phil, with
an incredulous look. The White Papers were simply plain sheets of
white paper.