The Adventures of Jonathan Gullible - Bastiat Institute

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Chapter 35 • Merryberries
zoos. And don’t forget, last year, the Council of Lords had to help
the tobacco and sugar farmers get through a bad year. Got to feed
the people, don’t you know? Taxes solve these problems and plenty
more. Taxes care for people who become ill. It’s the only decent,
civilized thing to do. Pass the whiskey, Mary Jane.”
Mary Jane passed him the jug and nodded in agreement. She lit
a new cigar from her packet by holding it to the stub of her previous
smoke. Doobie was on a roll. “Because we gotta help everyone, we
gotta control what everyone does.”
“We?” questioned Jonathan.
“Eek!” belched Doobie. “Excuse me!” He took a pill bottle
from his shirt pocket. “When I say ‘we’ I don’t mean you and
me personally. I mean that the Lords decide for us what is good
behaviour and who must pay for bad behaviour. In fact, it’s good
behaviour to pay for bad behaviour. Does that make sense, Mary
Jane? Anyway, the Lords don’t make mistakes on these decisions
like the rest of us would.” Doobie stopped to down a couple of little
red pills. His words were beginning to slur. “Funny how I always
say ‘we’ when talking about them. Mary Jane, would you like a
couple of these to calm your nerves?”
“Thanks, but no thanks,” she said graciously. She slipped a
delicate metal box across to him adding, “My pretty pink pacifi ers
work a lot faster. I can hardly start the day without my coffee and
one of these. Here, try one if you like. It’s the latest in prescribed
chemistry.”
Jonathan refl ected on the politicians he had met so far. “Are the
Lords wise enough to show people correct behaviour?”
“Somebody has to!” bellowed Doobie, as he wobbled slightly in
his chair. He took another slug of whiskey to wash down a mouth
fi lled with cakes and pink pills and glared at Jonathan. “If people
don’t behave correctly, we’ll certainly teach the bums responsibility
when they get to the zoo!” Doobie began to plead with the others to
join him in a round of drinks.
“No, thank you,” said Jonathan. “What do you mean by
‘responsibility’?”
Mary Jane moved to pour a little whiskey into her coffee before
adding still more sugar and cream. “I don’t know how to...well,
Doobie, you explain it.”