The Adventures of Jonathan Gullible - Bastiat Institute

Chapter 33 • Doctrinaire 197
“The treatment succeeds in destroying demons one hundred
percent of the time! And,” she beamed, “our patients experience a
stunning twenty-seven percent survival rate.”
Jonathan stared. One of the doctors slit the patient’s belly and
jets of blood spurted out. “What’s his ailment?”
“Opsonin rot of the nuciform sac,” answered Dr. Flexner. “We’re
certain.”
“Isn’t there any other way to treat him?”
“Ha!” she snorted. “Some claim otherwise. Thank God those
quacks aren’t licensed to administer cures. It isn’t enough just to
certify the quality of our own physicians for people to choose.
We must outlaw charlatans who pretend to heal with unauthorized
medicines, silly diets, moulds, plants, pins, touch, prayers, fresh
air, exercise, and sometimes even, can you believe it,” she scowled,
“laughter! When we catch them, we toss them in the zoo and throw
away the key!”
“Do those cures ever work?” asked Jonathan softly.
“Pff! Mere coincidence if they do,” she replied. Jonathan noticed
her puffy and bloated face. Her blotched red nose provided the only
colour in her grey complexion, the colour of an overcast sky. Her
breath could kill.
“But what if a patient chooses those remedies?” prodded
Jonathan. “Whose life is it?”
“Precisely!” she exclaimed. Jonathan had raised a favourite
topic. The doctor drew Jonathan away from the railing and crossed
her thick arms in front of her, one hand to her chin. Speaking
fervently she said, “Whose life is it? Some of these selfi sh patients
actually think that life is their own! They forget that each life
belongs to all. All of us form an unbroken line from ancestors
to descendants, all connected to the great whole. For the good
of society, trained professionals must protect patients from their
own poor judgement. Imagine! Some patients actually want to kill
themselves! We’re much better prepared to decide when and how
they are to be treated.”
She paused to refl ect, then continued, “Besides, the Council
of Lords generously pays all medical bills on the island. Healthy
workers stand duty in the tax line, ranked by the Council’s