The Adventures of Jonathan Gullible - Bastiat Institute

Chapter 35 • Merryberries 211
“Disgusting,” added Mary Jane as she lit up a thick long cigar
and handed it to Doobie. Taking a buttery biscuit and spreading
generous layers of cream cheese on top, she muttered, “It’s an
escape from reality.”
“Yeah,” said Doobie, adjusting his gun belt more comfortably
and mumbling through another mouthful of biscuit. Jonathan had
never seen anyone cram food into his mouth so fast. “Young people
nowadays just don’t take responsibility for their lives. So when they
turn to merryberries as an escape, we bring them back to reality. We
arrest them and lock them behind bars.”
“Is that better for them?” asked Jonathan discreetly offering
Doobie a serviette.
“Sure” responded Mary Jane. “Want a shot of whiskey, Doobie?”
Doobie grinned and thrust a greasy glass toward her. She fi lled it
to the brim with brown fl uid from an unlabelled jug. Returning to
Jonathan’s original question, she replied, “You see, merryberries
are addictive.”
“What do you mean?”
“It means you always want to have more. You feel like you must
have it to continue living.”
Jonathan considered this. “You mean like food?” he said, barely
audible over the huge burp that exploded from Doobie.
Doobie chuckled contentedly as he downed his second shot
of booze and puffed deeply on his cigar. “No, no. Merryberries
have no nutritional value and may even be unhealthy. Hand me the
ashtray will you, Mary Jane?”
“And if merryberries are unhealthy,” said Mary Jane, as she
stirred her coffee with a stick of candy, “then we’d all have to pay
for the treatment of those sorry derelicts no matter how foolish their
behaviour and habits. Uncontrolled merryberry eaters would be a
burden on all of us.”
Jonathan blurted out “If people harm themselves, why should
you pay for their folly?”
“It’s the only humane thing to do,” said Doobie, now a bit tipsy.
His hands were swinging and jabbing in the air with every thought
that came to mind. “We solve human problems. The Lords got to
pay for a lot of problems, you know, like our salaries and the big