The Green caldron - University Library

October, 1957
The Moscow Mother Goose
John B, Means
Rhetoric 101, Theme 7
(How the typical Communist would explain the story of Little Red Riding Hood)
The freedom-loving Soviet Government of the U.S.S.R. has carefully
considered the invitation to attend a meeting to arrange a peaceful settlement
of all disagreements between the Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood,
Grandmother & Company. The invitation is rejected. The Soviet Union
could not consider attending a meeting at which the Big Bad Wolf was not
present as a neutral.
The proposition that the Big Bad Wolf was the aggressor is completely
false. Such capitalistic propaganda cannot be tolerated by this nation. All
fair-minded and free-thinking people are aware of the fact that Grandma was
the imperialistic aggressor, that she was the capitalistic master-mind of a
conspiracy for the economic exclusion of the neutral Big Bad Wolf from the
free markets of the world as well as from her domestic market.
Little Red Riding Hood's arrival at the cottage was obviously a planned
interference. The warmongers who schemed in this manner were planning to
do injustice to the Big Bad Wolf, and therefore were foes of true democracy.
It is the opinion of the Supreme Soviet that Little Red Riding Hood had no
legitimate excuse for being at Grandma's house so shortly after the arrival of
Big Bad Wolf.
The charge made by the West that Grandma had been exterminated by
the wolf cannot be accepted as fact. It is obvious that Grandma simply dis-
appeared. However, it is the opinion of the Premier of Russia that the blame
for Grandma's disappearance lies upon the head of Anthony Eden, for it
has been known by Soviet Intelligence for some time that Grandma was conspiring
with the Western warmongers in an effort to obliterate the Big Bad
Wolf, Snow White's Wicked Stepmother, Cinderella's Stepsisters, the Dragon,
and other world-renowned supporters of free democracy.
As evidence to support this preposterous claim of Grandma's destruction at
Wolf's hands, the allegation has been made that the Big Bad Wolf was seen
wearing nightclothes supposedly belonging to Grandma. This charge was
leveled against the Big Bad Wolf by Red Riding Hood, who is most certainly
not an impartial observer. This accusation is obviously a frenzied, last-minute
attempt of the Wall Street capitalists to bring dishonor to the name of the Big
Bad Wolf. Even on the assumption that this accusation should be true, Grand-
ma's disappearance cannot be wholly accounted for. If an individual wishes
to put in an appearance dressed in a nightgown, it is certainly his privilege to
do so, and we intend to protect that sovereign right.
Viewing these recent happenings in retrospect, the Soviet Union wishes
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