Incest 0000i-xiv FM 1 - William L. White

Surviving Toxic Systems 215
internal and external supports to get one through an intolerable situation,
and developing the self-containment/pocket-of-hope approach to
self-protection. The third is to stay value-focused with a particular emphasis
on values and experiences that transcend the work environment.
Examples of how one can stay value-focused, include volunteering, cultivating
mentor relationships reflecting one’s core values, or pursuing
academic or other personal-development activities. The more we can
satisfy our emotional needs and express our values outside the workplace,
the less vulnerable we are to the influence of an unhealthy work
environment.
Disorientation Following Exit. The experience of leaving a closed organization
varies with the individual and with the length of time one was
in the system. But there are some things that can be anticipated. There is
usually a mix of newfound freedom and anxious disorientation. It is important
that one acknowledges the ambivalence and the disorientation
he or she feels after leaving. Emotionally, some just leave and never look
back, particularly when they have a more positive situation to throw
themselves into. Others, particularly those most wounded by an organization,
will find themselves facing a flood of emotion after they leave.
All of the things they weren’t free to feel inside the organization are
magnified when they get outside. There is clearly a needed period of
emotional decompression.
Predictable Stages of Healing. When people leave closed systems, they
often experience a mix of confusion, anxiety, relief, a sense of violation,
fantasies of revenge and retaliation, an incredible feeling of vulnerability,
and senses of lost identity and lost integrity. Decompression from
closed systems is about the rediscovery of self. Decompression involves
relearning how to physically and emotionally listen to oneself. Decompression
is about recognizing the legitimacy of one’s own needs. It’s
about feeding the individual soul.
There are critical times, particularly after trauma or events of high
emotional intensity, when the umbilical cord to the outside world must
be severed and one must journey within. What one finds there can be
surprisingly intense and scary. Anger is one of the most dominant emotions
of people leaving toxic organizations. It is particularly strong
when an employee feels betrayed and victimized by an organization or
its key representatives. In light of this, the surprise is not that we have