The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual ... - Wuala

SECTION 2
PERSONAL SPACE
If you are closer than arm’s reach, than you are in
someone’s personal space. This is the first lesson
you must learn. To create more space in crowded
areas such as elevators and bars, people often tense
up and use their arms as protection. They will hold
them close to their body – often crossed – and will
also avoid eye contact. If a woman you know is
doing this in your presence and you are not in an
elevator than she is sending you a strong message of
disinterest. You will not get very far with a person
who holds closed postures so you would be best
advised to give them some space, back up a few
paces, and allow them to reduce their tension. If a
woman steps back when you approach her, it does
not necessarily mean that she does not like you, she
just needs more time to get comfortable. People
guard their space passionately, wherever it is, and
will not appreciate it if you invade it. Respecting
people’s intimate space involves not invading it
with objects, like your bag or jacket, or with body
parts unless they are welcomed.
The need for space is particular to a specific person
and is normally a function of their environment. If
they live in a densely populated area and frequent
busy malls, elevators and so forth, they will be more
accustomed to having people in close proximity.
Normally, city people will tolerate someone in their
space more so than those who live in rural settings.
However, it is quite common to give strangers as
much space as reasonably possible. For example, in
an empty elevator, it would be unreasonable to be so
close as to touch a stranger (even one you like).
This is completely reversed however in a full
elevator, where it is assumed that some accidental
touching will occur.
Being sensitive to a woman’s need for space is a
given. If you act dominant and enter her space
without her permission, you are guaranteed to leave
her with a bad impression. All women perceive
men as threatening who enter their personal space
without an invitation and a woman will not
reciprocate attraction to someone she fears. This
doesn’t mean that you are never to enter the intimate
zone of a woman, but rather, you should wait for the
right cues before doing so. When you approach
someone physically, it is the same as if you were to
approach them emotionally, and you should wait for
a woman to give you signals that an approach is
welcome before moving closer.
Never use positions of power when approaching a
woman. That is, keep at eye level if possible.
However, if you and she are both standing then it
would be acceptable to use height as an advantage.
Height can be
exploited by men to
display dominance.
The king of the castle
holds literally in this
case since the higher a
person is, the more
power is projected
Dave is doing a really
good job at making Scarlett
uncomfortable by towering
over her. You can see her
defensive posture as she
pulls her coffee toward
herself and slightly tucks
her chin in toward her body.
Her left shoulder is moving
forward and away from the
wall in order to face her
nearest and easiest exit.
Her eye contact is harsh and
comes across as a glare.
onto them. If the
woman you want to
approach is sitting
though, it is best to
approach her from a
bent or kneeling
position initially.
Once the woman
becomes more
comfortable with you
and you establish a
common dialogue,
then it becomes safer to exploit your height
differences. Your goal should never be to dominate
over a woman, especially initially. Your goal should
always be to make her feel comfortable in your
presence and to break down all the barriers that
separate the two of you.
The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language. 1st Edition, 2008. www.BodyLanguageProject.com Page 4