The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual ... - Wuala

uncommon to come off as creepy to a woman with
prolonged or random touching. Keep initial touches
short, deliberate, and fleeting, and in association
with conversation. One might touch, for example,
to emphasis a point or to fix a visible tag or remove
some lint from a shirt, and so forth. Finding
excuses to touch can send a strong message of
interest and begin to build attraction if done
correctly and tactfully.
Dave is performing a really bad handshake which will set
the tone for the next few minutes. His hand is loose and
weak and his hand is turned over palm down. Normally
palm down indicates superiority but in this case, since it is
so loose, it does not.
This is a much better handshake. Both hands are vertical
which indicates that each party is equal. Had Dave used
either palm down (superiority) or palm up (inferiority) it
wouldn’t come across as nicely for a first impression.
Handshakes are best at about 5 seconds long, firm (not
hard), and with a dry palm. To increase the intimacy, Dave
might make the handshake last a little longer than normal.
Mark has overshot Julie’s boundaries by touching too
soon. Touching, when unwelcome, is difficult to recover
from, so it is best to allow the woman to indicate strong
interest before initiating. Since her arms are crossed, they
were more than likely crossed before Mark made his move.
He should have known that touching her knee would only
make matters worse. Since his advance, she has moved her
head away in disgust. Mark would have been much better
off to have moved to the same side of the table and made
touching less forward and more incidental and perhaps
only to emphasis a point.
THE FIRST TOUCH
The first touch is often hand to hand. To initiate this
first touch you could begin by walking side by side
with arms at the sides. You can then “accidentally”
touch the back of her hand with yours. If she does
not remove her hand by placing it in a pocket or
across her body or use it to hold a bag then you may
take this as a pretty good sign that she is interested
in holding your hand. One study showed that
women are far more likely to show the first fleeting
touch. So if you are patient and smart you will wait
for her to give you this signal instead of rushing it
on her. If you come across too strong you may
scare her off, possibly for good.
There are also techniques to initiate touching, and
they stem from being able to make touching casual
and unforced. While speaking to a woman at a bar,
it could be by placing a hand on the side of a
woman’s arm. Keep any touching brief rather than
prolonged until the woman begins to reciprocate or
else shows signs of opening up. It would not be
In this situation, it is obvious that touching is welcome.
Julie has offered to fix Mark’s collar. She still shows
some reservation by continuing to lean backwards. Her
gaze is toward his mouth, however, so that could mean
she is thinking about a kiss but the rest of her body is
holding back.
Overall, touching is a tool that can establish a very
profound connection. In a study done where the
only variable between two strangers was the
presence or absence of touching, it was reported that
the interaction that included touching was much
more warm. Even waiters can benefit from
incidentally touching costumers and often receive a
more generous gratuity. A perfect time to include
touching is on an initial meeting, and it also works
great to remember someone’s name. After the
initial handshake and exchange of names and before
any great length of time has elapsed, be sure to use
their name in conversation and simultaneously
touch the back of the persons hand or forearm. This
The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language. 1st Edition, 2008. www.BodyLanguageProject.com Page 59