THE INTERNATIONAL - International Indian

[ DATING IN URBAN INDIA ]
about this.” Not that she feels that parents’
orthodox attitude hampers those who want
to date. She estimates that dating has gone
up by “50 percent or so in the last 5 years”
in Bhilai, although just about a quarter of
students seem to be dating as of now.
But whether small town or metro, dating
is taken seriously and perhaps that’s because
dating doesn’t mean just “going out” but also
involves some level of physical intimacy.
They may be in their teens but these kids
know that if one crosses the line there could
be a heavy price to pay. Family relationships
can sour, reputations can be ruined and
worse, the bitterness can make things very
unpleasant between the couple. That is why
Varun feels that it is important that both
people feel “no pressure at all” in doing
what they are doing so that there is no blame
game and guilt feelings are avoided later on.
19 year old Simoni Shah from Mumbai also
makes it quite clear that one needs to be sure
of what one is doing. “If the relationship does
not work out, you should not feel violated,”
she says firmly.
Not that it’s easy to find privacy. Going to
each others houses is out of the question as
parents usually have no idea what their sons
and daughters are upto. Dating couples in
India usually have to fall back on public
places and this can deter some. Rahul
isn’t comfortable with a public display
of affection at all, and feels that it is very
demeaning if one is caught in a park by a
cop with a baton.
When it comes to pre-marital sex, no one
actually said that it was “immoral” or “bad,”
but for most, going all the way is a no-no.
Commitment is considered important, but
even then, most girls are against the idea.
Kakoli feels that premarital sex should be
avoided at all costs as it can result in emotional
trauma if the relationship does not culminate
in marriage.
The physical aspect of relationships is
what gives parents the jitters. Oddly enough,
the more conservative the parents are, the
more they tend to push the children away.
That’s what many youngsters said they had
observed around them, that the stricter the
background was, the more likelihood of the
teens dating, and the less likelihood of the
parents knowing! Yamini Peddada, who
Youngsters hanging out together at Mumbai’s Marine Drive: Dating is not a big deal
has just finished her Law from Mumbai
feels that “going against the family norms”
is one of the motives for dating and Rahul
from Kolkata says, “Generally I have seen
that people who are from very strict families
tend to get boyfriends or girlfriends quickly
just to break free.”
But having said that, there are other reasons
why dating is becoming common in the
metros. Families are becoming more liberal,
particularly boys’ parents. They are often
amenable to their son having a girl-friend.
However the vast majority of youngsters
hide their relationships from their parents,
and tell all only if they have to, if they want
to marry. “They wait for the right time, till
they get into a stable career,” says Kakoli.
Parents usually do accept the partner, even
if reluctantly as long as the partner is from a
suitable background. Marriage is always the
desired objective.
And marriage is what the young are
thinking about too. Whether it s Rahul, or
Varun or Yamini, or Arvind, none of them
believe in casual dating.
Pretty serious huh? Well, that’s what Indian
youngsters are like, and it’s probably because
they are unsure of whether they will find the
right person via an arranged match, where it is
the parents who usually make the “shortlist”.
In India the gap between generations has
leap-frogged in the last decade or so because
of the sudden onset of global influences.
Influences which have touched the teens, but
left parents quite cold.
Nita Jatar Kulkarni is a freelance writer
based in Mumbai.
THE INTERNATIONAL INDIAN 37