THE INTERNATIONAL - International Indian

[ LOVE STORY ]
“
Traditions and
values hold
communities together.
The best marriage
advice I can give is
that young people
understand the truth
of the adage ‘love is
blind, marriage is
an eye-opener’, or
else you might have
regrets later... you
should initiate love
with eyes wide open
and then follow the
path of marriage
blindly with faith.
”
- around 135 kilos. I could not help that,
but she accepted me. Also, Veena agreed
to live in India with my mother while I
lived alone in Dubai, because in those days
the company did not give family status. It
is not very uncommon for women to stay
separately after children are born. But for a
newly married girl to live like this was not
easy. Veena and her parents showed patience
and confidence. I was indeed blessed.”
Ram and Veena value their roots,
traditions and culture, and in an increasingly
globalised world are aware of the dangers
of their children and grandchildren losing
their Indian identity. “We must teach our
mother tongue to our kids, as well as other
languages that make them street smart.
Traditions and values hold communities
together. The best marriage advice I can
give is that young people understand the
truth of the adage ‘love is blind, marriage
Ram & Veena at their silver wedding anniversary: “I was indeed blessed.”
is an eye-opener’, or else you might have
regrets later,” Ram exhorts, adding, “you
should initiate love with eyes wide open
and then follow the path of marriage blindly
with faith.”
Their successful path has been realized
by mutual respect and an eagerness to give
more to each other. Veena typically has spent
her life raising their three daughters - Gauri
35, Chetna 36 and Rekha, 39; while Ram
has been over-involved in his professional
and social life. “I respect her decision of not
joining me at many social functions where I
know she may not be comfortable. She does
not stop me from my social activities. Her
non-interfering nature, I believe, is greatly
responsible for my success,” Ram admits,
characteristic of many men of his generation.
As also is the regret for not spending
more time with his children and parents.
“Circumstances of my life then didn’t allow
me to do this. If I could re-do that time of my
life, I’d do it differently.”
Maybe after you’ve been married this long,
most memories are naturally linked with the
children or grandchildren. And Ram’s deeply
joyous moment in his married life was, “When
my eldest daughter Gauri got engaged during
our trip to St. Maarten, it brought a feeling of
more maturity in our relationship as we were
now parents-in-laws as well.” Ram is on a
spiritual quest. He is inspired by, “Mahatma
Gandhi who used to blame and punish
himself for the wrong doing of his children.
He said that if someone is doing wrong to
you, then you must have qualified for it.” And
there many gurus - Swami Chinmayananda,
Swami Sachidananda, Dada J.P. Vaswani and
Sadguru Sri Sai Narayan Baba and several
more. “This can always be a challenge in a
marriage, but fortunately, we are on the same
spiritual path. We respect the same spiritual
leaders although Veena does have her own
guru whom I respect a lot.”
Veena talks about her spiritual need. “One
day, while I was massaging oil in Buxani’s
hair, I asked him main guru karu (can I take a
guru), and he said sure. And so I became a
disciple of Swami Shantiprakashji, and now
his heir Swami Devprakash. If Buxi had said
no, I wouldn’t have done it, but that isn’t his
nature. He won’t say no to anyone, and for
me this was important because I believe,
guru bina gut nahin hota. I’m a disciple of one
guru now, though he isn’t ready to name
one guru, I know he respects them all and
it is a very personal and individual thing.
When he’s ready, he’ll name his guru.”
Ram is convinced that, “Everything is
finalized in heaven and delivered to us here
on earth, including our marriage.”
Mona Parikh McNicholas is the Associate
Editor of The International Indian.
THE INTERNATIONAL INDIAN 67