THE INTERNATIONAL - International Indian

[ LOVE STORY]
Ram and Veena’s wedding...
Last row (standing) (L-R) Kishini Buxani (Ram’s aunt), Leelavati Khiani (Veena’s mother), Ishwari Buxani (Ram’s mother)
Second row (sitting) (L-R) Bhagchand Khiani (Veena’s father), Hotan Buxani (Ram’s elder brother)
Front row (sitting) (L-R) Ram, Veena and Dipak (Hotan’s son)
...42 years of companionship
says disturbed, wondering if it is “because of
economic independence acquired by women,
which makes them unable to allow men to take
leadership in the home. And at the same time,
men have egos and the wrong notion that they
are superior. This clash,” Ram believes, “results
in the wounding of a marriage.”
With 42 years of experience behind him,
Ram’s take on marriage is worth considering.
“It is a union of two souls that nurture each
other, help nature in procreation and form
the basis for the smooth running of society. A
marriage where a couple slowly discovers and
learns new things about each other over a long
period of time brings excitement, and this is
important for its success. I feel an arranged
marriage has more scope to provide this than
a love marriage.”
A slowly brewed cup of coffee has a completely
different aroma and flavor to the instant variety.
“A love marriage often takes place to make legal
a union that has already lived a certain amount
of life and to reveal what was hidden for some
time. How can it have the same freshness and
anticipation as that of an arranged marriage?
With the increasing number of failing love
marriages, our age old customs are being
revived, with many people opting to go for an
arranged marriage.” Ram is convinced.
Regardless of how you got married,
“married life,” Ram feels, “is just like a
functioning cardiogram. It has its own ups
and downs. Such a life gives more fun and
meaning to living. A steady cardiogram
is a sign of death,” Ram illustrates quite
dramatically, “so there will always be fights
and misunderstandings, that’s okay, as long as
you then work to sort them out.”
Marriages always go through serious
issues, and the help and intervention of
loving family and close friends is vital in
the sustenance of all marriages. Again, Ram
feels this is easier in an arranged marriage,
because according to his perception, more
often than not, couples who’ve chosen their
own partners seem to suffer in isolation,
not wanting to bring their problems to the
attention of their families.
A strongly family-centric woman, Veena’s
advice to girls is, “Always listen to your husband
and don’t take what your mother-in-law says to
heart. Then things will move smoothly. Many
people warned us that it wasn’t a good idea for
me to go live alone with my mother-in-law
because she was a very strong and dominating
woman and would make life difficult for me.
But actually mummy was so nice, and really
cared about me, our relationship became as a
daughter-mother.”
Listening to Veena talk about her different
experiences with her in-laws made me
wonder if there was an interesting idea here
worth exploring. It may sound a little crazy,
but think about it – maybe it’s a good idea
for all marriages, if the wife lived with the
in-laws just by herself for a while, to form
and forge an independent relationship with
her husband’s family; and maybe he could
do the same with her family. The husband
and wife, for that period would meet on
weekends and get to know each other as
would their families. Wouldn’t it make them
all a bigger and stronger unit which would
be great for a marriage in the long run?
So does love matter? How is it defined
in an arranged marriage? “Actually, the
meaning of love is unconditional concern,
respect and compassion for the other. This
is what Veena and I have for each other.
Values that women especially are great at
exhibiting. I was extremely overweight
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THE INTERNATIONAL INDIAN