THE INTERNATIONAL - International Indian

[ LOVE STORY]
Japan soon after that and so I left.”
“I barely saw him for five minutes,” Veena
explains, “and all I remember was that he was
really fat and I was really thin. In fact, I was
in my ordinary Punjabi suit sitting around
at home and didn’t even know that he had
come to check me out or meet the family.
Even though my father had been told by
everybody that Buxani is a really good man,
he wasn’t ready to send me off to Baroda, so
a year went by in our indecision. Later my
brother came back from Singapore and asked
me about him, I said I didn’t even remember
him. My father called me in and spoke about
him to me, and in those days we didn’t speak
back to our father and wouldn’t even think of
saying no. It’s just not in our attitude to argue
or question. In fact, I was too shy to even tell
my father that I was ready to marry Buxani,
and asked my aunt to tell him. Woh zamaane
mein, meri zabaan hi nahi khulti.”
While in Japan, Ram received a
telegram from Hotan, which simply said:
“Yourself engaged – Congratulations”. The
arrangements for the wedding were made in
his absence, as was the custom in close-knit
families. “It’s the relatives who undertake
the responsibility of arranging the wedding
ceremonies and they consider it a privilege
to do the legwork; so, even if I had wanted
to, I could not have done much.”
“I really saw him properly only when we
were going through the ring ceremony, and
after 15 days we were married. Yes, we had
dowry and a couple of simple functions, not as
much as these days,” recollects Veena, adding,
“and I changed my name and he shortened his,
according to our custom with numerology.”
So, in 1966, Janaki and Jeevatram,
became Veena and Ram and were married,
knowing nothing about each other than
what their respective families had told
them, and that their numbers matched.
They went to Mysore-Ooty-Bangalore for
their honeymoon, as did everyone else in
those days and Veena started her married
life in Baroda in a home with women only
- her mother-in-law and sister-in-law
(since her father-in-law had passed away
before partition and her brother-in-law was
working in Hong Kong and her husband in
Dubai). “Both ladies were so good to me.
Mummy was a brave and strong woman,
whose husband died long before partition,
and she had to make her way to Baroda
The Buxanis (L-R): Bunty & Chetna Shastri, Dr. Ram Buxani, Rekha (Jivika) & Romesh Mirpuri, Veena
Buxani, Gauri (Hanisha) & Ajay Alwani
with her kids on her own and raised them
by making papad and pickles. Even Buxani,
used to sell combs on the streets of Baroda
after school to help with the family income,”
Veena tells the family tale with pride.
Veena and Ram spent many years after
their marriage living in separate homes in
separate countries, meeting sporadically
whenever he could get away or she could
be in Dubai. In fact, she only moved
permanently to Dubai after her mother-inlaw
passed away and their three daughters
were already going to primary school. “He
had a wonderful habit,” gushes Veena, “I
used to get three letters a week from him, and
often he’d give us surprise visits. I remember
once when he came home, he booked us into
a hotel. The next day, I wanted to go home
to do all my chores, make him food and tea,
iron his clothes, make papad... so we moved
out of the hotel and he rented a flat close
by. People laughed with amazement that I
wanted to move out of the hotel because I
wanted to do work.” Hers was a sweet simple
desire of a wife who didn’t want to live in a
hotel room, but wanted to do things for him,
build a home with him, show him love in her
way, through her seva.
Did she get to know her husband slowly
over time through his many letters, and love
grew? “No,” Veena said firmly, “I just knew
him immediately, it didn’t take time at all. It
isn’t difficult to ascertain a man’s character
and personality,” she insisted, as a woman
with strong intuition and conviction. She
hasn’t faced moments of confusion and
regret, “we thought in much simpler ways
back then and acceptance and contentment
came easy. I really don’t understand what
husbands and wives fight about. I’ve never
heard anything bad or loud coming out
of Buxi’s mouth,” she says lovingly, “his
svabhav (persona) is so nice I don’t know how
to express it to you, and I guess he liked my
nature too. We don’t talk about death and
afterlife, but it must be my good karma that
I’ve got a husband like him.”
“There are no courses that you can take
to qualify to be a good husband, father
and friend, though it would be a good idea
for someone to start these. But still, I feel I
have done fairly well in all these roles,” says
Ram, without giving much away, though
he has a lot to say about his wife. “She’s a
great human being, very caring about other
people and with strong family values. I was
very impressed with the way she performed
the rituals for the death anniversary of my
mother and even my father whom she had
never seen. The loving way she treats my
sisters and brother. These days this is rare,”
Ram speaks lovingly of Veena, and adds
teasingly, “But, she does speak a lot.”
“Its destiny and normal in our times,” says
Veena, “today they would never marry like this.”
Theirs was an arranged marriage in days when
that was the norm, and divorce wasn’t. “Today,
marriages seem to break up more easily,” Ram
THE INTERNATIONAL INDIAN 65