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download the PDF file - Whoa is (Not)

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Paul and <strong>the</strong> kids stared back at him."Rescue party," Dem explained. "Get through here, please. It’s easiest to send you all back toge<strong>the</strong>r."Paul and <strong>the</strong> kids stared back at him.Dem sighed. He went back through. "You," he said, randomly flicking a finger at Conor. "Get in <strong>the</strong>reand show ‘em it’s safe.""Why me?" Conor asked suspiciously."Why not?""I’ll go," Alex said, and stepped through <strong>the</strong> portal. "It’s safe," he told <strong>the</strong> o<strong>the</strong>rs at <strong>the</strong> o<strong>the</strong>r end, and<strong>the</strong>y finally got up and moved into <strong>the</strong> cell, once Winston could be separated from <strong>the</strong> awesomeastronomy programme on TV that was almost over, just give him ano<strong>the</strong>r five minutes please, please,please, ow!Dem changed <strong>the</strong> settings ano<strong>the</strong>r two times and extracted a willing Griffin and an unwilling Scott from<strong>the</strong>ir various locations."All right," he said cheerfully, oblivious to <strong>the</strong> glares that <strong>the</strong> latest two entries were getting. "Would youlike <strong>the</strong> dead people back alive, too? It’s Opposite Day, so I’ve got to do nice things to destroy <strong>the</strong>multiverse instead of not-nice things to destroy <strong>the</strong> multiverse. And besides, it’s easier, because <strong>the</strong>n allI have to do <strong>is</strong> reverse <strong>the</strong> thing that brought you here, and you’ll all go home. Or else <strong>the</strong> dead peoplewill get home dead, or, if I take <strong>the</strong> trouble to send you home individually, <strong>the</strong>y’ll just stay m<strong>is</strong>singforever."There were no objections, so Dem went off to do <strong>the</strong> work. He was immortal. He lived millennia. Thesewere <strong>the</strong> little things that made ex<strong>is</strong>tence interesting.An easy bit of time travel got him back just after Jonathan Harker and Eddie Kasalivich had been happilymurdered by Griffin. He bribed <strong>the</strong> Soylent Green folks with spinach and got <strong>the</strong> two bodies, kicked<strong>the</strong>m with <strong>the</strong> Boot of Life and dumped <strong>the</strong> two very confused people back in <strong>the</strong> cell before going backthrough <strong>the</strong> portal.The Shakespeare bot relinqu<strong>is</strong>hed Hamlet and Don John after Dem bribed it with spinach.The workers at IBHA did not like spinach, and told Dem he’d have to wait until Jack Traven fin<strong>is</strong>hed h<strong>is</strong>sentence. So he skipped a while into <strong>the</strong> future, was <strong>the</strong>re for Jack’s arrival, let him know that he wasno longer Alex’s dog and could he please get back on two legs. Turned out <strong>the</strong> IBHA folks likedbroccoli, so Dem bribed <strong>the</strong>m with that and got Jack transferred back to h<strong>is</strong> body at <strong>the</strong> point before he’ddied, freefalling through <strong>the</strong> void of <strong>the</strong> <strong>is</strong>olated bubble of hyperspace.Dem caught him and teleported him back, wondered why he still bo<strong>the</strong>red with <strong>the</strong> portal, turned it off tosave batteries, and left Jack <strong>the</strong>re with <strong>the</strong> o<strong>the</strong>rs to be confused and wonder why Griffin was smiling athim and why Alex didn’t seem to care.Dem time travelled back to <strong>the</strong> world where Shane and co. had found <strong>the</strong>mselves. He dropped into <strong>the</strong>scene inv<strong>is</strong>ible and waited until Fred had started eating Jjaks and <strong>the</strong> o<strong>the</strong>rs had left, <strong>the</strong>n bribed Fredwith spinach and teleported Jjaks away to a futur<strong>is</strong>tic hospital in ano<strong>the</strong>r world. He kicked him with <strong>the</strong>Boot of Life, followed by <strong>the</strong> Boot of Stop Screaming Please, <strong>the</strong>n let <strong>the</strong> doctors work on him. Demskipped to <strong>the</strong> future and collected him, fully healed, <strong>the</strong>n went back to <strong>the</strong> cell and let Jjaks join <strong>the</strong>confused people.Dem took a short trip back to one of h<strong>is</strong> homes, where he apolog<strong>is</strong>ed to Donnie for abducting him andforcing him to work on h<strong>is</strong> spinach farm. Upon angry retorts, he kicked him with <strong>the</strong> Boot of StopScreaming Please and teleported him away.As an afterthought, because it was Opposite Day, Dem dropped by a store en route and bought apacket of Silk Cuts. He tossed <strong>the</strong> cigarettes ("embrace your Brit<strong>is</strong>h side") to a surpr<strong>is</strong>ed and gratefulJohn Constantine and dumped Donnie <strong>the</strong>re to join <strong>the</strong>m.Dem made h<strong>is</strong> way to <strong>the</strong> frozen planet of Hagindaz and made a few more near rescues, pre-deadwhere he could. The Boot of Life worked only for a few days after death if <strong>the</strong>y were still sufficientlyintact; it did nothing for exploded people or those who had since turned to skeletons. Bribing afterlife

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